Elderly care options in England 101

[MrsC09]

Hello, we’re at the early stages of looking into options for my mother-in-law who currently lives in London. We live in Australia which is obviously very difficult as our parents back home are starting to age. My MIL has lived alone for 40 years and owns her own flat in London (maybe worth around £500k). She has a pension but not a lot of other funds. She’s starting to get a bit batty and needs to drive everywhere where she currently lives, which won’t be sustainable for much longer. She has 2 other children in the uk, however relationships and finances are a bit fraught on that side on the family so we’re trying to find options that won’t put a burden on them.

We haven’t lived in England for so long (or had to deal with this scenario) so are clueless to what options are available.

MIL is still mentally “ok” and can live on her own but is probably a couple of years away from not coping. She’s really struggling with organising trades to fix things in her flat etc. Her flat is very old & everything is coming to the end of its life at the same time. She’s also starting to get a bit muddled with appointment times etc.

Physically she has issues which means she can’t walk far so relies on her car to do everything. She also has a lot of drs / hospital appointments that she needs to get to.

She’s very sociable.

She’s not ready for a full-on care home (and wouldn’t be open to that anyway).

Are retirement villages a thing in the UK? It would be great if she could sell her flat and buy something where all the facilities are easily accessible and some social life. Or are they just insanely expensive? Happy for all of her capital to go towards her future and just want to find something nice for her. She has family in London, Cornwall & Devon so she would probably be happy in any of those (as long as the health care facilities are accessible).

All my research just shows how dire the situation is in England so I’d be very appreciative of any guidance on where to start. My husband is going back in May for a visit so it would be great if we can set it up so we can help her move whilst he’s there.

Thanks in advance for any advice!

I would probably start investigating now behind the scenes to get an idea of what’s available. You could start dropping hints to her about the social side of over65s communities but as with my mum she refused to entertain the idea until it was too late and she had to go into a care home. As with pp, I would swerve buying a Mccarthy & Stone flat or similar. The service charges can be astronomical, near me 1k a month, which if you have bought a flat then you are liable for the service charges until the property is sold. If you want to go down the retirement village style route, consider renting then the service charge will stop once the tenancy is terminated.

Another thing that might be useful is your DH checking which GP she is registered with and going through the process so he is allowed to discuss her with him

On a depressing note. My mum had her savings stolen by a really sweet old lady who used to do her shopping and generally help. Is it possible to get a power of attorney or something in place to enable you to keep an eye on her outgoings.

My late Mum was in a McCarthy and Stone village near me. Tbh I couldnt fault it. However she RENTED. She was just too old to buy and they do come up for sale time and time again after a relatively short time. They arent a great buy.

She had to committ to 1 year. Service Charge was included in the monthly rent which was considerable. It was the Retirement Plus development. Someone on site 24 hours, bistro with very reasonably priced food. She had an hours cleaning and they would do her washing for a fee. The girls working there were lovely and all had worked in care homes and found it too much as people are very frail or suffering from dementia. They all came to her funeral.

Please be aware they are not a care home. They wont pick you off the floor if you fall and they are for people who want to live independently and they do not look after people with dementia.

What does your mil want? While she has capacity it’s her decision even if it’s an unwise one. If she’s used to living in London and has friends there, a move to Devon doesn’t seem a good idea. She’d likely be more cut off if she has to rely on cabs there and won’t have her network of friends.

I’d be investigating cleaning companies, cab firms and care agencies, meals on wheels that sort of thing so she can stay in her home as long as possible. If she has trouble with medication, her gp can arrange for the pharmacy to supply it in a doucet box which would aid memory, carers can prompt her to take it. A calls / emergency alarm might be useful. She might be eligible for attendance allowance which would help with the costs. A chat with adult social care would be useful. There may come a point where her needs are so great that a care home is the best option.

@PropertyD my DP used a brilliant service for falls, provided by our local Council. It only cost about £12 per week, and for that we had 24/7 assistance should my parents fall. The attendants were medical staff, just like nurses and they could assess the patient for all sorts of issues, including heart problems and strokes. The elderly person wears either a pendant or an apple type watch and these devices detect falls. They always said it was the best £12 per week they spent for being elderly!