What do you buy your dad for his birthday when he has a life limiting illness

[Lottylove1]

My dad will be 85 in November. Up until recently he enjoyed days out golfing, gardening, walking and reading. however he now has an illness which means he probably hasn't much time left. Hes too tired to go out and doesnt enjoy food anymore although is not bedbound. I want to get him something special for this 85th. But what do you get for someone who is dying?

I got my Dad cashmere socks and a cardigan - he felt the cold and they were soft and luxurious. I’m sorry your Dad is unwell.

sorry To hear this, it’s hard

is there any chance he would want to go out, do one of his previous hobbies? If so I’d just try for that.

if not then something Related… a golf book, watching a film about the hobby together.

Take him to an RHS garden for afternoon tea, or even just a cup of tea.
a ready made pot of grown flowers / bulbs etc
if he still has his wits about him and enjoys clothes, then a golfing branded t shirt.
kindle for reading
new books
box of chocolates
cut flowers
print artwork
a nice framed photo of the two of you, or him and friends

A cosy blanket

That sounds really tough OP. You say he enjoyed reading, would he be open to listening to audiobooks? You could buy a subscription for him? And if he has a favourite book maybe see if there is a first edition or special edition copy he might enjoy? They tend to be highly valued by book lovers.

I got dad a lovely jumper when he was dying. Only 51 bless him ❤️

Does he like listening to music or the radio? An Alexa could be good

Audio books were good when my parents were starting to struggle. Or dvds. Things to keep them busy/entertained on days when they’ve no energy.

I’m sorry your dad is so unwell.

How about something indulgent to keep him comfortable and warm? Or some technology to entertain? Perhaps most of all he would enjoy your company and doing something quiet with you (mine would enjoy a game of chess but appreciate that’s quite niche).

Whisky

A digital photo frame loaded with photos from past years?

If he has grandchildren, a cushion or throw with their photos on. We’ve done this for my bedbound Dad…

I had this dilemma with my Dad, he took three years between a near miss and actually dying and wasn't able to do much. He couldn't see by the end or walk and was pretty much in a vegetative state.

Boxed sets or audio books or music, cosy slippers, a cardigan. If he will eat (mine went through a phase of eating a lot)then chocolate or cake, alcoholic or fancy non alcoholic drinks.

Bear in mind that you might get it back, or have to clear it out, depending on your family setup.

I got him a mug with a picture of his old uni painted on it years before he died and when he died my mum, who i suspect didn't like it, gave it back to me still in the box. But something like that that he could use might work.

Hes already got a heated blanket and an Alexa and unfortunately doesnt have much of an appetite now but audio books or a digital photo frame sound like good ideas. Thank you all for taking the time to make suggestions.

My last husband birthday was three weeks before he died, and he was bedridden.
My daughter had some photos that he'd taken when he was well (he enjoyed talking photos of nature, on our holidays) printed and framed. They were put on the wall in his eyeline, to enjoy.
I can't remember what I got for him I'm afraid. But those printed photos gave him pleasure and have remained in that room as a reminder of him.

Unless there is something practical to make his life more comfortable, I'd concentrate on spending the time with him instead. Having nearest and dearest with you is going to be far more meaningful than stuff.

I'd say time with him as well. Time doesn't just chatting, watching a film together or listening to favourite music and not doing jobs or care.

You make him a memory box. Buy a nice box and handwrite out 85 lovely memories for him to read about. My sister did this for my Mum's 80th and it was very clearly her favourite present. She read over the memories every day.

I got my mum a bird feeder when she was bed bound near the end. We installed it where she could see it from bed. It mostly attracted squirrels but she liked seeing them too.

When my darling dad was heading slowly downhill I bought him cashmere socks (you get chilly feet in a wheelchair) & a shocking pink lambs wool jumper that made him smile. He was created in his cashmere socks 😢

She wasnt expected to go at that point but for what turned out to be my mothers last Christmas I got her a shredder as she had a lot of paperwork that needed proper disposal - statements that kind of thing.

She died the following year, on Christmas Day as it happens and I was sitting with a heap of statements about a foot high feeding in about 4 sheets at at time as that was all it could manage and cursing myself for being a cheapskate and not buying an industrial one

I got my dad the box set of yes minister when he was told he had six months. To be honest a special made up photo album? Or a turntable and some albums? (I remember stopping myself doing the ‘he won’t get to’ and thought about what he’d like full stop.he lived another 18 months. Huge hugs op

This is a lovely idea. I would do this and also create a photo album of lovely photos. Although digital frames are nice you have to wait for the photos to scroll through and might miss one if you blink. A photo album he can look through at his leisure, even more special if you write little notes in it about the photos.

im so sorry you are going through this.

when mum was dying she got very dry skin. Perhaps hand cream or moisturizer?

I got my dad an audible subscription when he was dying. He didn’t have the energy to read but it was nice for him to lie down and listen to books.

A photo book filled with some family photos? Get friends and family to do videos wishing him happy birthday and talking about some happy memories they have with him, and put those all together? Just “do you remember when we played that darts match/went on that trip etc” type of things. We did that for my DM’s birthday and she loved it.