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Elderly parents
Original poster

V basic question - care package and housekeeping

42 replies

DierdreDaphne · 10/09/2025 12:19

So we're completely new to this bu mum (91 and previously mobile if frail, so mostly independent) has broken her shoulder and hospital are arranging for her to go home with a 4xdayx1 carer care package.

What generally happens with housekeeping/laundry etc? Mum has a cleaner but only every 2 weeks, does her own diahes, orders and unpacks shopping delivery own laundry etc.

The annoying person from the care provider started to say 'next of kin will deal with shopping' - I had to say no no we can't were not there! (1 & 3 hours away!).

So what usually happens? My guess is they would expect her to survive on 100% ambient food until she can either sort it herself or make other arrangements? But what about washing up and laundry?? Aaargh this is all very obscure and it's so hard ro get a straight answer from anyone!

Sorry this is so garbled, a reflection of my brain right now 😵‍💫

OP posts:
gallivantsaregood · 12/09/2025 06:40

My gran (94) is really fussy when it comes to food. After much persuasion she tried Wiltshire Farm Foods meals. She mostly has mini-meals, and she really enjoys them. Most of them are microwaveable. Their minimum order is only about £10 too. Might be worth stocking the freezer with these and arranging regular deliveries. The drivers are all really helpful in our experience and will put them in the freezer for her. Then maybe online shopping for fresh food/toiletries and time it when cleaner is in?

watfordmummy · 12/09/2025 07:32

My mum is in Edinburgh and I’m in Watford, I do an online shop for her on a weekly basis, I have notes to say she will need help with the deliver with the supermarket. We also get freezer meals for her delivered.

I take her shopping list from her weekly and we’ve now been doing this for 3 years. She’s late 89

MyElatedUmberFinch · 12/09/2025 15:07

Would it be possible for the cleaner to work more hours as a part time housekeeper. For example be there for a food delivery, change and wash bedding etc and do other laundry.

Londonmummy66 · 12/09/2025 15:35

Not cheap but Cook deliver and their food is a bit nicer than most ready meals. Some are microwaveable and others go in the oven from the freezer so be useful to have some in the freezer in case a supermarket delivery is missed etc

4catsaremylife · 12/09/2025 16:34

If self funding think carefully about the visit length of time, with dad I had an hour in the morning for washing/showering dressing they then shaved him and got him breakfast and a drink, then put a load of laundry on and did light housework.
Lunchtime was 30 mins enough time for something to be air fried, or something on toast, dad hated ping meals and would not even try them if cooked except for chicken tikka 🤦‍♀️. But laundry would be moved first into the dryer
Then half hour at tea time make sandwich cut a piece of cake or a pudding, then finish drying laundry make bed etc.
Last 30 minutes was bedtime hot drink supper into Pjs and bed.
Don't get me started on the 15 minutes later getting back up 😁
We could do this because dad pays for his own care as he's over the limit for our local authority

Original poster
DierdreDaphne · 13/09/2025 04:19

BeaTwix · 11/09/2025 13:23

Groceries was a major hurdle for me.

LA funded carers (Scotland) wouldn't sort as despite doing meal prep ensuring food was in the house wasn't part of their role. They wouldn't even text me a list of what was needed, or a photograph of the fridge.

EPICF (elderly person I care for) was no longer able to give me a cogent shopping list. Nor could they reliably put grocery deliveries away and it was really difficult to time a delivery to when her cleaner was there to put it away. I suspect sometimes food deliveries sat for ages , then got put in fridge which might have contributed to the GI upset I mentioned below.

Sounds like this might not be such an issue for you - I also cared for my Gran which was much easier as I did an online supermarket shop for her weekly. She would tell me what she needed on the phone and then put it away when it arrived.

EPICF also had no idea re expiry dates and LA funded carers didn't intervene or steer her so they would let her "choose" to eat all of the emergency ambient ready meals rather than the fresh ones that were in the fridge or eat the fresh ones in the wrong order thus ending up with some at end of week that were out of date. Then there would be a crisis as there were no ready meals left despite the fact that I'd bought enough plus the ambient spares. I know it's important to respect autonomy but sometimes you just have to have spaghetti bolognese for tea as otherwise it's going to go out of date and be wasted!

Nor did the LA carers reliably date stuff that spoils once opened when they opened it eg. cooked meats. To try to deal with this I put a big notice on the fridge asking them to do so and placed stickers/ sharpies by the fridge. It made no difference.

This meant that when it was really difficult to tell what was Ok to eat and what wasn't. I used to just chuck stuff out if I wasn't sure but I think when the carers changed over (they tended to do 3 days on, X days off) some dodgy stuff got used as when at home EPICF used tor regularly have an upset stomach. She hasn't had one since she move moved into residential care which presumably has better food hygiene oversight.

Cleaner (2 x week) tried to keep on top of shopping/ expiry dates but things kept getting missed and then I'd get moany messages from the LA carers about the lack of food. Cleaner did do all laundry (sometimes I think taking it home as it was easier for her than waiting for the shiny new but very slow/ eco friendly dryer she hated at EPICF's house to finish). A flexible cleaner is worth their weight in gold. Best to have their allegiance to you and not to cared for person though as then they don't feel guilty about passing on info that's useful like the cooker being left on. The cleaner we haven isn't the best cleaner but she is super reliable and caring and for me that's what matters. She continues to look after the empty house, and "spoil" me with home baking/ clean sheets if she knows I'm going up. It makes big difference.

EPICF meanwhile would maintain to people during assessments that they were doing all their own shopping via Tesco home delivery/ going into the shop. It took me months to work out she wasn't doing her laundry as she kept telling me she was.

Edited

Wow that's so depressing Bea. And valuable advice to us. (Yes im posting at 4am as we're home and i am doing the night before the paid for carer can start overnights. The care package just assumes mum can pee in a nappy (not provided!!) until the show up at nine 😬😬

And yes mum woke me up for a pee at 2am and now can I get back to sleep.. ?? (Mums alternate coughing and snoring being broadcast to my bedside by the baby monitor doesn't help....)

Anyway I can now lie here worrying about out of date ham, once ive exhausted the topic of bed sores! .... 😅

OP posts:
Original poster
DierdreDaphne · 13/09/2025 04:22

FloorLamp · 11/09/2025 13:41

I've not read all replies but just to say I'm a carer and we can do all these things if it's required within the package including personal care, shopping, housework, laundry etc.

Maybe look at a care company for personal care then maybe more of a support worker type company that can cover the other tasks if you can't find an all in one.

My company has branches all over the UK with a minimum of at least a 1 hour visit., nothing less. Possibly in your area. Pm me if your interested and I can give you their name.

I dont gain from this post in any way btw, I'm in Scotland! 😆

Thanks @FloorLamp - have got someone starting tomorrow from an agency recommended by mums next door neighbour who seem to offer pretty much what you describe. They seem v nice but great to have you in reserve, ill refer back if this doesn't work out.

OP posts:
Original poster
DierdreDaphne · 13/09/2025 04:26

MyElatedUmberFinch · 12/09/2025 15:07

Would it be possible for the cleaner to work more hours as a part time housekeeper. For example be there for a food delivery, change and wash bedding etc and do other laundry.

That's a great idea. Mums cleaner is in the mould of nasturtiums - not the most spotless finish but very friendly and caring. I think she's already a bit overstretched herself though. Still we can certainly ask 👍

OP posts:
sashh · 13/09/2025 05:58

SkatusBoardus · 10/09/2025 13:25

You could also look into meals on wheels (chargeable) provided by your city council. In my area they will deliver a hot lunch including hot dessert & a cold plated tea. Or just the midday meal if that's what they prefer.

Where I am they offer them to anyone who wants them. They are not gourmet but perfectly edible (I get them when my arthritis is bad). Where I am there are 5 options each day of what you might call traditional food and there are Caribbean and Indian options. And either a hot pudding or yoghurt.
The 'tea' is a sandwich, something sweet like a flapjack and a piece of fruit.

£6.50 per lunch and £3.75 for the tea.

I think this is a good shout if your council does them.

Paper / plastic plates and dishes? I know that' not ideal but then nothing is with a broken bone.

OP do you know how long the visits are? Sometimes it is only 10 or 15 mins. It's normally something like this.

Help to get up and dressed
toilet break
toilet break
Help to get undressed and in to bed

MyElatedUmberFinch · 13/09/2025 08:24

BeaTwix · 11/09/2025 13:23

Groceries was a major hurdle for me.

LA funded carers (Scotland) wouldn't sort as despite doing meal prep ensuring food was in the house wasn't part of their role. They wouldn't even text me a list of what was needed, or a photograph of the fridge.

EPICF (elderly person I care for) was no longer able to give me a cogent shopping list. Nor could they reliably put grocery deliveries away and it was really difficult to time a delivery to when her cleaner was there to put it away. I suspect sometimes food deliveries sat for ages , then got put in fridge which might have contributed to the GI upset I mentioned below.

Sounds like this might not be such an issue for you - I also cared for my Gran which was much easier as I did an online supermarket shop for her weekly. She would tell me what she needed on the phone and then put it away when it arrived.

EPICF also had no idea re expiry dates and LA funded carers didn't intervene or steer her so they would let her "choose" to eat all of the emergency ambient ready meals rather than the fresh ones that were in the fridge or eat the fresh ones in the wrong order thus ending up with some at end of week that were out of date. Then there would be a crisis as there were no ready meals left despite the fact that I'd bought enough plus the ambient spares. I know it's important to respect autonomy but sometimes you just have to have spaghetti bolognese for tea as otherwise it's going to go out of date and be wasted!

Nor did the LA carers reliably date stuff that spoils once opened when they opened it eg. cooked meats. To try to deal with this I put a big notice on the fridge asking them to do so and placed stickers/ sharpies by the fridge. It made no difference.

This meant that when it was really difficult to tell what was Ok to eat and what wasn't. I used to just chuck stuff out if I wasn't sure but I think when the carers changed over (they tended to do 3 days on, X days off) some dodgy stuff got used as when at home EPICF used tor regularly have an upset stomach. She hasn't had one since she move moved into residential care which presumably has better food hygiene oversight.

Cleaner (2 x week) tried to keep on top of shopping/ expiry dates but things kept getting missed and then I'd get moany messages from the LA carers about the lack of food. Cleaner did do all laundry (sometimes I think taking it home as it was easier for her than waiting for the shiny new but very slow/ eco friendly dryer she hated at EPICF's house to finish). A flexible cleaner is worth their weight in gold. Best to have their allegiance to you and not to cared for person though as then they don't feel guilty about passing on info that's useful like the cooker being left on. The cleaner we haven isn't the best cleaner but she is super reliable and caring and for me that's what matters. She continues to look after the empty house, and "spoil" me with home baking/ clean sheets if she knows I'm going up. It makes big difference.

EPICF meanwhile would maintain to people during assessments that they were doing all their own shopping via Tesco home delivery/ going into the shop. It took me months to work out she wasn't doing her laundry as she kept telling me she was.

Edited

Would meals on wheels have been a better option and the carer makes a sandwich for tea?

Muchtoomuchtodo · 13/09/2025 08:27

It completely depends on what was in the care plan and so what the carers have been commissioned to do.

washing up is usually included but rarely shopping, laundry and housework ime. That needs to be outsourced privately

Original poster
DierdreDaphne · 13/09/2025 09:34

We are learning fast, and luckily the carers who have been so far have been lovely. We have found an agency who can do things like come to receive a food delivery and cook a favourite meal every few days. Luckily mum is recovering strength by the day so hopefully she will be able to wean down to a lot less outside support - but it's alao opening her mind to what she can have in place going forward - she is not averse to spending some money where it makes sense.

OP posts:
BeaTwix · 13/09/2025 09:47

@MyElatedUmberFinch meals on wheels doesn’t exist anymore. Or at least in that area. It’s been replaced by Wiltshire farm foods (which require put in freezer) and old person to understand they can cook them from frozen.

MyElatedUmberFinch · 13/09/2025 10:00

BeaTwix · 13/09/2025 09:47

@MyElatedUmberFinch meals on wheels doesn’t exist anymore. Or at least in that area. It’s been replaced by Wiltshire farm foods (which require put in freezer) and old person to understand they can cook them from frozen.

Thanks for the update, we still have them in our area, unfortunately my DM wouldn’t answer the door to them (or any carers).

MyElatedUmberFinch · 13/09/2025 10:01

DierdreDaphne · 13/09/2025 09:34

We are learning fast, and luckily the carers who have been so far have been lovely. We have found an agency who can do things like come to receive a food delivery and cook a favourite meal every few days. Luckily mum is recovering strength by the day so hopefully she will be able to wean down to a lot less outside support - but it's alao opening her mind to what she can have in place going forward - she is not averse to spending some money where it makes sense.

Thats really good to hear.

watfordmummy · 13/09/2025 10:18

Do you not have a key safe (for carers) not Wilshire foods 😁

MyElatedUmberFinch · 13/09/2025 10:30

watfordmummy · 13/09/2025 10:18

Do you not have a key safe (for carers) not Wilshire foods 😁

Yes a key safe but my DM barricaded the front door with furniture.

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