The capacity dilemma - balancing what my parents want with what is sensible

[SussexPup]

So my parents are 93 and 94. My father has Parkinson’s and is now not mobile , mentally he wanders, but has enough grasp on his situation to understand options, and knows they have enough money to do whatever they want/need. My mother is very physically frail, but all there mentally. They are currently in a care home on a respite basis.

The general plan is they move closer to me (I’m a 4 hour drive from them, only child) so I can support better and in principle they get this. However the practical side is more complicated. I think the best option is that they move to a care home 10 minutes down the road from me, but how do I get them on side, my father still thinks that they can buy and adapt a house near me, and employ carers, housekeepers etc (and financially they could). But the organisation…..and it would all fall to me
My mother’s plan is just to not wake up one morning….
I feel selfish in just trying to push them to the easy option, but to me that buys quality of life for the relatively short time they have left,

Any advice on how to navigate the conversation when they have a definite say in the process.

The idea of moving sounds ridiculous. They either need to stay in the care home or have live in carers.

@Supersimkin7 @BlueLegume Thank you - yes I live in dread of the bedbound phase. I see it with my mother in law, she has not spoken, moved by herself or fed herself for 5 years. I think she is unaware that her husband and son have died. My sister in law, who lives with her, manages 4 times a day carers (who are amazing) but has no life and is trapped by the situation.

Sympathy and no real answers OP. My parents are a little bit younger than yours and talk quite often about moving house. In reality they are now too old to manage a move and the thought of it reduces me to a state of complete panic. On one hand I don't want to dismiss their ideas but realistically it would all fall to me. I'm an only child, live three hours away from them and work full time. i don't feel they take any of that into account. Then I feel mean for thinking that.

This Is an excellent way of approaching it

and yes yes yes to acting in their best interests, not just what they think they want. Really good point.