Help me make a hard decision - let son see GF or not?

[DaysofHoney]

My poor dad is fast approaching end of life, I think. He’s post stage 4 cancer treatment (jaw/sinus) and he is ravaged.

He has had a very close relationship with my son, 11.5trs old, and DS very much wants to see his grandfather (we live overseas and on our last visit in March we spent the day with him and were able to communicate - the deterioration is huge). For context, DS is very aware of his condition, the cancer, the surgery he had, even came to a couple of radiotherapy visits and has seen him in hospital before too. But this current picture is very different. He is a shell.

DF looks gaunt, he’s bed bound, he cannot speak (surgery and radiotherapy have left him non verbal though he tries/mumbles), he has a horrendous eye infection which has left one side of his face red, sunken, and it’s all rather ghoulish.

My DS is a mature but sensitive boy, he adores his GF, and I do not know what to do for the best - let him see his GF or shelter him from the grim reality? I don’t want to traumatise him in either way, by allowing him to come or not allowing it. I’m stumped and would appreciate any advice anyone has.

thanks so much

Trust your gut instinct
If he can’t visit, get him to do a video message or drawing/letter anything so he knows he has communicated with his GF.
If your son really really wants to see him before he dies then I would take him. Perhaps seeing the significance of his illness will help make his death seem more acceptable and make sense in an, out of pain, at peace sort of way?

Thank you for updating @DaysofHoney and wishing you strength for the days ahead.

Yes, I agree with this. He’s very young - DH got a shock when he saw his DGM in her last days when we were in our early 30s.

I’s ask him to record a video message and pass his DGF’s thanks and love to him. I don’t think there is anything to be gained by him seeing his DGF and potentially much that could profoundly affect him.

Just seen your update - I’m sure that’s the best approach.

I’m very sorry that you’re having to go through this.

What a terrible dilemma. Just wanted to wish you all the best OP. It’s a sad time for your family.

I visited my Grandad when I was 17, he died about an hour later so it was close to the end.

It was horrific but I think the main issue was no one had told me what to expect. I was imagining him sleeping peacefully and it was nothing like that in reality.

Personally I wouldn't refuse but if your DS really wants to visit, I would sit him down and explain as gently as you can what you've posted on here and maybe show him a photo if he still really wants to go so he knows what to expect.

I would let your DS say goodbye if that's what he wants. Just warn him.

My friends ex partner suddenly passed away and left 2 younger children behind. Life is cruel. He was 40s.