Decluttering? Good idea or not?

[LemonLimeWater]

My lovely MIL has dementia. We live abroad and are back for a few weeks.
PILs 4 bed house is very crowded. They like stuff. There are 18 coats in the wardrobe of the room we are staying in, so no space for any of our clothing. Until a few years ago, their loft was full, as they never threw anything away. They have been in the same house for 51 years.

The kitchen cupboards are absolutely full. They have 2 full place settings for 18, (bowls, small and large plates) stacks and stacks of bowls (from tiny to cereal to last sizes). There is an ice cream maker last used about 8 years ago. It doesn’t need to be within easy access, None of this is organised, you just open the cupboards, stuff it in and hope it doesn’t fall out.

i want to help declutter. I was thinking that if it was obvious where everything goes, it would be much easier for mil to find and put away things. Dh says it’s always been like this and it would be upsetting for her. I haven’t spoken to Fil yet, but am looking for opinions, should I leave it alone, or offer to help?

I wouldn’t actually get rid of anything, I would out it in boxes in the garage so if they wanted something, it would be there.

thanks for reading

Leave it. Unless they’ve specifically asked you to do this, leave it alone. And even if they do, tread carefully because their idea of declutterring might be quite different to yours.

We helped PIL declutter only when it was forced on them (moving from 3 bed house to a tiny 2 bed flat), and even now 10 years later FIL still bears a grudge about the garden tools we ‘made’ him give away (he has no garden), the golf clubs ditto (he doesn’t play golf), the broken trouser press we threw away… I could go on. Mil was already on her way to a Parkinson’s / dementia diagnosis by then, and the move / clearing / packing probably has a bad impact on her. But their stuff was important to them, it represented success on live after their materially poor childhoods.

my parents… after a few firmly rebuffed attempts, I’ve given up. We will hire a skip when they pass. 🙄.

as many pp have said, it can cause distress.

I wouldn’t even speak to FIL and ask if it’s okay to do. He might say yes, and be grateful of the help, but the affect it has on MIL could be really distressing. He would have to deal with that long after you’ve gone back home.