BBC today: "I suddenly realised I was running two households"

[Lastknownaddress]

I thought this was worth sharing. It is the first time I have seen this being openly acknowledged on a news outlet and so much resonates with discussions here.

BBC News - 'I slowly realised I was running two households' - BBC News
www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/c5y4zzwr943o

@mogskittens we hear you and know. It is tough.

Lovely name btw. Was one of our favourite books when the kids were little.

I work in adult social work for elderly people and my job involves commissioning care at home and providing support to carers. I had absolutely no idea the reality of how hard it is for carers until I started this job and really glad that it is now being discussed.

I always feel terrible as what little support we can offer to carers gets more limited each year due to budget constraints and I've seen first hand the enormous stress and strain and impact on carers health both physically and mentally it can take. A lot of people seem to think that other cultures have it sorted and that the intergenerational model seems to be something to aspire too. I've worked with a few families from cultures where this is the norm and I've never been convinced it is the answer. It's always usually one woman left to care for multiple family members (both elderly and infants) and they are completely burnt out yet feel they can't ask for support due to expectations that they should be the ones doing the caring.

I've absolutely no idea what the solutions are but I am glad to see it being discussed.

To the detriment of women. Who wants their elderly parent living with them indefinitely.?! Those I know who have done it have all ended up on antidepressants. As an elderly parent it’s not a responsibility i’d want for my adult DC in the prime of their life with jobs, families and opportunities of their own.
When my rainy day is here I hope to buy in as much care as I can and leave them free of the burden.
In reality there are too many people living too long at great expense and in poor health. Nurse of 35 years.

I’m puzzled by ‘The ONS found that 61% of "sandwich" carers were female.’

I’d like to see if the data in that statistic included women’s husbands/partners who classed themselves as carers to their in laws when the woman did the vast majority of the caring?

I’m under the impression that it’s women who do 90% of the grunt work

I'm running 2 households.
Currently juggling various medical appointments and trying to find new cleaners for DPs, with DD's maths GCSE resit, final college work, sorting college from September, finding driving instructor, helping her find summer work.
All getting a bit much, no doubt will feel better in a week once the maths is done.

I have actually seen a few friends DHs do some very heavy lifting with their own DPs, including one driving 5 hrs each way every other weekend for about a year alternating with his Dsis as his DPs lived on an island, until things reached their inevitable conclusion. Another friends DH moved into his DMs for her final days.

My DH is trying to split the load with me with my own DPs as I am an only DC and they live an hour away.

My DB is sharing the load with me for my DPs. (But I am probably doing more emotional support.)

On the 'other cultures do it better' line, a Chinese friend told me that families are increasingly putting their elderly relatives into care homes. More people are living and working in cities - and both partners working - so there's no--one to take care of the elderly at home anymore.