Packing up the family home

[SunnyDaysAllDay]

My mum died a few years ago and in the last year, it’s become clear that due to mobility issues, my dad will need to move into sheltered/adapted housing. I’ve been thinking this for a while but I wanted it to be his decision and then he just brought the subject up (which is great). We think we’ve now found a nice new flat but with that comes all the emotional upheaval of leaving and giving up the family home which has been ‘home’ for 40+ years. Dad is remarkably resilient about it - he sees the house as an obstacle to his independence and so we all know 100% it’s the right thing to do. A new one level adapted home will definitely give him more freedom.

I think the packing up will be challenging (there is a LOT of stuff!) and I wonder if anyone has done this recently and has any advice on dealing with it practically (and emotionally)? I don’t know where to begin but was thinking we’d start by moving all the things we want to keep into the large spare room and then either sell/recycle the rest or get a house clearance firm involved. But beyond that, don’t really know where to begin.

That's so interesting. My Dad died a month ago, 16 months after my mum. I'm an only child. In both instances I started with clothes.

I have just contacted this charity to help with an elderly relative’s house: https://www.bhf.org.uk/shop/donating-goods/house-clearance

I am going to be doing this soon as DM has now moved in to a care home and we need to sell her house. The dilemma is I would feel so guilty giving items to a charity shop but I haven't any room to keep anything.

We're having to do this, we started last year when my mum moved into a home due to dementia. Dad has now had a terrible fall and won't be returning home. The house doesn't belong to them so we're literally clearing 60 years of belongings. My mum was a collector ot many things, 60 teddy bears anyone? Enough art supplies to stock a shop! Obviously now my dad isn't there either we're having to get rid of furniture as well. Hire a skip, try and be ruthless and don't end up paying for storage!!!

My parents downsized from our family home 1 year ago. Prior to the sale we sorted through stuff gradually and things got sold and sent to charity. All the key bits were divided up between me and my sibling. Dad died 3 months after moving and my mum was still living amongst boxes and chaos (as my dad loved to hoard). Now 8 months on we’ve sorted most stuff but she’s still filling a small house so will need to do again at some point.

I would get started and take a room at a time. It is emotional and tough and it’s hard not to keep everything. Dad’s clothes are still sitting in his wardrobe and suspect will be sorted when mum goes.

If you have alot to give away, definitely think of local charities who will use the stuff rather than shops who may be unable to accept certain things due to lack of space etc. Animal shelters for blankets / towels, homeless shelters/ refugee assistance/ women's shelters for household stuff or clothes etc. They might have lists on their websites of what they need or you could email to ask. Also car boot sales or jumble sales etc and you could donate any money you make to a charity your DF supports / would like.

Is she shoplifting by any chance? We had that with DMIL. Luckily she was never arrested.

@BunnyRuddington vandalism

Oh gosh that must be so hard to deal with. Dementia seems to their up so many varied behaviours, every family and person with dementia seem to suffer on a completely different way.

Do you have a rough plan of she does get arrested? We had to think of how we would deal with the situation of DMIL had been arrested

I'm assuming I'd get a phone call and have to drop everything but her mental condition would preclude her being charged. It would be very stressful but given she's forgotten brain scans, cardiology appointments, mouse infestations etc she will probably have totally forgotten the next day. In a way I'm hoping it does happen as she is exhibiting very erratic behaviour that I believe means she isn't safe at home and none of us are local but "capacity". If she gets arrested we might actually get somewhere to keep her safe.

Mind you, we do joke that jail is at least free unlike a care home.

MIL has moved to a nursing home and DH with his DB are selling the house. It has suffered 40 years of neglect with her steady decline into dementia, so has been sold to a developer, they thankfully provide a clearance service, so we have just got all the paperwork and a few bits out of there ready to complete next week. It is harrowing going through a lifetime of sentimental stuff, for most of it to just not be there anymore. DHs great grandad built the house, his dad was born (and died) in the bedroom. 😪

We’ve been incredibly lucky to find a local charity that is collecting virtually from DM’s house. The only things they can’t take are TVs and TV stands, and beds.

We started by going through paperwork and personal items, and got the family to identify anything they wanted. The charity came round and looked at everything and told us that they could take. Then it was a case of sorting out and boxing things up, and a few tip runs to get rid of anything that couldn’t be reused.

Other charities that do house clearance are BHF, Age UK, Shelter and Forces Support.