Dad terminally ill, lives alone anxious wants to go into a home

[Totallybannanas]

I have never posted so much on here, but dad is terminally ill with cancer, and living alone. I have stayed the last 3 nights following a discharge from hospital. Due to anti social neighbour blasting his music until 5 am morning I can't sleep and caring for dad, I am absolutely exhausted being there 24/7. He is so fearful of being alone, I've hardly been home. I'm crying all time when I'm on my own because I am so tired. We have a carer come in (2nd day now) but they don't cook the meals he needs. He has to have soft/pureed diet which dad also hates. I'm trying to cook home cooked foods but need time at home to cook and batch and shop. Basically when I'm not there, he isn't coping even with a carer. What are my options? He is 80 this month and always been independent, but following a cancer diagnosis he has had aged and caught up with his years.

Absolutely no follow up and can't get through to the GP, I have a carer come in once a day just for supervision and support. I just needed someone to check on him when I'm not there. I've had to come away from him for a day, so I can get my head sorted and get a menu in place, type up his medication for anyone coming in and buy him pill pots, food containers and cook food and batch. I've not been able to do that's as I have been with him, then going home sleeping, grabbing something quick to eat at home etc

Third contacting Macmillan.

When my mum had cancer they kicked her GP up the arse to do their job properly. They know their stuff and will be able to help.

My local Macmillan only offer emotional support

Does your DF receive this ?
If not apply
Spend the money on employing someone to help with meals or sit with him
Or
Respite in a nursing home

It is not means tested

www.gov.uk/attendance-allowance

His GP may also prescribe your DF some anti anxiety medication

Pill pots buy from pharmacy or online

Your GP or hospital should be able to provide details of the local palliative care team (MacMillan, Marie Curie, or other more local charities). Ours received funding from the NHS to provide the palliative care & applied for emergency CHC funding etc. They were brilliant & made the last few weeks so much better. They were funded to come 4 times a day and were also available whenever we needed them for advice, and the nurses would come quickly when needed to assess, or set up syringe drivers etc.
You can often self refer. Google "palliative care" & your local area, but your hospital oncology nurses should be able to help, or your GP.

It sounds as though your DF should be in a nursing home. If he is readmitted to hospital you need to insist on this. Do not be available if there are attempts to discharge him home. The discharge team and social workers should facilitate this, but will be reluctant because of cost. It might be worth asking about NHS CHC funding as well, although unless fast-track it is difficult to get. So my advice would be to call an ambulance the next time he is unwell enough to justify it, eg has a fall, has breathing difficulties etc; so that he is readmitted to hospital. Since he himself wants to be properly looked after there isn't any other realistic option, you cannot possibly care for him yourself.

He can get anti anxiety tablets prescribed

I don't know if he wants to go in a home now, I don't know what he wants anymore! Seems to be anything he can't have and if it's offered he doesn't want it. He.just seems to be fading away to be honest, even though physically he is still able

This - they were fantastic when mum got a terminal cancer diagnosis

Hospice would be best. Ask the GP for a referral.

Out hospice doesn't take them until a few days before. The can in the community in non existent.

My dad was prescribed with Mirtazipine when he got a cancer diagnosis and was struggling mentally. It helped calm him down and increased his appetite.

Are the District Nurses visiting? In my area they do most of the palliative care. They also apply for Fasttrack Continuing Healthcare funding if the person is felt to be in the last 12 months of life. it is a different eligibility to the one which @Hairyfairy01 mentioned and much less complex in terms of asessment.

When you speak to his GP, mention that he seems to be losing ground day by day and you would like him seen to determine if there is a reversible cause for the change, or if preparation needs to be made for his end of life care.

I'm so sorry. My dad died recently from osephagal cancer. The thing is, there were different stages. He was at home living independently for a few months, even though he could only take soup and ice cream at the end. Then he ended up in hospital and from there he moved to a continuous care end of life facility, where he stayed til he passed away (3 months).

It could be that you are stuck until your dad deteriorates. One thing we did discover is that our local hospice has a day centre and basically the only chance of a bed is if you were already attending the day centre.

An adult social care assessment could really help, and you should ask for a carers assessment xx