Why do elderly people refuse to drink sufficient fluid?

[Disscombobulated]

I care for my FIL, who lives with us. He has a number of complex medical issues, the most recent being kidney failure and the a UTI.

Despite years of nagging I simply can’t get him to take in sufficient fluids to stay hydrated. He is perfectly lucid (most of the time) but can’t grasp the concept of water improving his quality of life. I have tried literally every angle of discussion… including having pretty brutal conversations about him, his clothes and my house smelling because his urine is so concentrated. He just doesn’t seem to care, or have any respect for me who is dealing with the consequences, such as hospital admissions, clearing up after ‘accidents’ and all the additional cleaning involved.

numerous medical professionals have told him that he must drink 3L a day.

I am now at the stage where I am so frustrated that I don’t know if I can continue to do this.

Any advice would be appreciated, or do I simply let it go and let the worst happen?

I came on to recommend these - look and taste like sweets but 95% water.
Jelly, watermelon, cucumber and ice pops can also be recommended

HE HAS KIDNEY FAILURE

I need to hide this thread before I have a blood pressure failure.

He will not eat salad, or vegetables. Soup is a great idea, a shandy is unwise. If I don’t force him, and his kidneys fail again he will likely not survive - I don’t want responsibility

It might be to limit the times he needs to access the toilet. In my job people have told me they struggle to walk due to pain so reduce fluid so they don’t need to urine as much.

Firstly I am not young… but as a middle aged person struggling with this issue I have heard the same challenge from many other carers - in fact this thread would suggest that it is a common issue with elderly people.

With my DM, it was the effort of having to go to the toilet more frequently.

If you are in the UK and have to drink heavily chlorinated tap water, I can completely understand why this would not be so appealing

Do you think we can't get bottled water?

He can have a few beers and/or shandy even with CKD. I don't know what hospital he is attending but they appear to want the man's life to be a bit of a misery, drinking gallons of water and avoiding alcohol.

https://www.davita.com/diet-nutrition/articles/advice/alcohol-and-chronic-kidney-disease#:~:text=Drinking%20alcohol%20can%20generally%20be,beverage%20you%20choose%20to%20drink.

How old is he? Sorry if I missed it

How old is he op?
If he makes decisions that affect his health negatively then how can it be your ‘fault’ if he dies? You have gone above and beyond caring for him.
As someone who has cared for several elderly relatives I have realised that we are keeping people alive far longer than their natural lifespan. As a nation we have some hard decisions to make about our future health.

you could have added the word "some" to your post.

It’s worth asking him if he doesn’t like the taste of tap water and getting bottled - my mother loathed London water and wouldn’t drink it but did drink bottled.

But ultimately, he is an adult with agency. If he chooses not to take medical advice you are not responsible for that.

I drink 3 hot drinks at work in a 4 hour period and I go to the loo 3 times. If I drank 3 litres of water a day I may as well open up shop on the bathroom.

I'm not elderly but I find it very difficult to drink sufficient water. I have to force myself but I don't get anywhere near 3L. I just feel sick if I drink any more. My 10 year old is autistic and wouldn't drink at all if I didn't keep chasing her all day about it, so I know the frustration - I think for her it's an autism thing though - she never experiences thirst or any kind of inclination to drink.

The OP has reached out for advice and help. Stop making it about yourself, and stop being pedantic.

Jelly Drops!

https://www.jellydrops.com/

As a chronic under drinker myself A) it lowers your thirst in general & B) it's not something I think about at all.

I do agree however if it's causing health problems & your unable to help him fix it he needs proper medical care either by "leaving" him at the hospital next time so they won't be able to release him without proper care or looking for nursing homes if he's willing

No, she didn’t need to. Her post reads perfectly clearly that she’s not referring to every single elderly person out there.

Is it possible to keep water easily accessible in every room and set an alarm for maybe for every 1-2 hours if he has a phone?

3 litres of water a day is a bloody ridiculous amount for anyone, let alone someone old and sedentary. Are you sure that's what they recommended?

Some days no, nothing, hence the kidney failure. He will have a small orange juice and that’s about it.

Will he drink tea? Try decaf tea and put it in a latte mug, largest one you can find.

My DF is in his 80s - still very fit and active. I am constantly nagging him to drink more. His explanation is that he avoids drinking when he's not thirsty because when he does, then he feels like he needs to go to the loo all the time and it's really inconvenient when he's out and about. Especially now when public toilet provision is a bit hit and miss.

These Jelly Drops are absolutely magic - I've tried them myself, they're genuinely really tasty. They're designed for situations similar to this and might be a good way to sneak some more water into him, as a side bonus they also contain some vitamins. And would a portable urinal that looks less like the traditional hospital ones be less embarrassing for him to have around? He might be more inclined to use it. They also do a version that glows in the dark!

My mum, a six plus a day tea drinker, started to have problems with hydration when she developed dementia. In her care home they'd give her a straw with a glass of ribena or similar rather than her sipping it. It seemed to be easier for her to draw a lot of fluid and swallow with a straw than just by sipping from a cup. Which makes sense if you think how much fluid you can get through in somewhere like McDonalds with a straw rather than gulping it back. And it used to take her back to her childhood - she used to love blowing bubbles into her ribena and would giggle away.

Could be worth a try?