Just having a cry over asparagus

[LawrieForShepherdsBoy]

Asparagus now in shops again. This time last year my mum could still go to the supermarket with me. We ate a lot of asparagus. She’s so much worse now. My dad was dx with dementia too since then. They are both well looked after but seeing asparagus in co-op just now has done me in.

I’ll apologise in advance- I know I’ll go silent and not return to this thread. I’m just in car trying to pull myself together before I go home.

It's things like that that take you by surprise. You have my sympathy.

it’s so stupid isn’t it. Such a small thing. My mum was an amazing cook.

Grief hits when you least expect it, absolutely often with small otherwise 'inconsequential' things that make us see how things have changed or spark a memory. Hugs xxx

I can offer nothing but virtual hugs and understanding. Be kind to yourself

I get this. My mum bakes almost every day. On Tuesday she forgot to take her cakes out of the oven. Dad had gone out for a few hours & they were black when he came in.

I'm so sorry

It's Ritter Sport with marzipan that he's me. My dad loved it and I always got him some when he was in hospital. The last time he was too poorly to eat it and it was with his things when I collected them from the ward after he died.

That's so sad.

I’m so sorry OP. Nothing wise to add but I’ve been in your shoes and I know exactly how it feels and how awful it is.

Apple turnovers with fresh cream in got me - I cried in sainsburys just after my Dad died when I saw them.

Oh, OP. That sounds hard. I'm sorry. I get a pang now every time I make a stir fry or curry and wish I'd made more for my mum when she was still able to enjoy them.
PS - love your username!

Mars Bars for me. Used to go swimming with my Dad every week when I was little and he’d always get us one each from the vending machine afterwards. I had to stop for petrol when I drove home from the hospital after he died and there were Mars Bars right beside the counter, I just sobbed in the shop.

I’m so sorry your parents are poorly, dementia is such a cruel illness. ❤️‍🩹

I'm so sorry OP. I understand this feeling so completely. My mum exists only on sips and shakes now. Can't or won't eat and I see a bag of haribo tangfastics which she loved and it is so sad to know she won't ever have another one - but also that she doesn't even know that they were once her favourite.

Here for you @LawrieForShepherdsBoy

It was rhubarb for me.

Got through the terrible days, through the arrangements and then the funeral saying it was a blessing he was no longer in pain and how he'd had a good life.

One look at forced rhubarb available again and I was all over the place, noisy sobs and full out blubbing.

I sobbed all the way through the film Dunkirk at the cinema after my Dad died. He wasn't even at Dunkirk but those young men were his contemporaries. Until then I'd got through the funeral, clearing the house and sorting probate, holding it all together until I fell apart.

So sorry, OP. Life can be so painful. x

Oh OP no it’s not stupid at all, sometimes it’s the smallest and seeminly insignificant things that hold those sharp digging painful reminders.
Sending a hug 💐

It’s everything.

For years I was on the look out for things I knew my mother would like . Like certain trousers or candied jellies , M&S vests . To this day , 5 years after I still find myself glancing at the same . But by now it brings a smile and a nice memory. It will be like that eventually for you too, OP . Loss and grief are the downsides of loving ❤️.

People like asparagus are created, grow, wither and eventually die. Aging is part of life, with luck we are all green and fresh for a time. You are grieving for the past, which is natural but so is now, the beauty in the wrinkles, the forgotten memories and the fading eyes. It’s okay to cry over asparagus, it’s part of the journey.

It's daffodils for me. DF died this time last year, and he was a proud Welshman.

I find seeing them comforting and desperately sad in equal measure.

I'm so sorry OP. It's incredibly hard. I was thinking about this the other day... How so many people must be walking around quietly carrying this sort of intense sorrow. Loss, grief and anticipatory grief are unfortunately a part of life for most of us.

After I lost my Mum there were so many random things that unexpectedly got me. I remember sobbing at the supermarket check out counter after doing the shop for the first Christmas without her a couple of months later. The poor man at the checkout had no idea what to do with me. And being hit like an actual tonne of bricks by the first time I saw a Mother's day card in a John Lewis the following spring, I felt a literal physical jolt.

I'm glad to hear that your parents are both being well looked after. Take some comfort from that if you can, and be gentle with yourself.

I did exactly the same with chocolate gingers for my dad when he was in hospital. They were his absolute favourites and I was trying to get him to eat. I didn’t realise how close to dying he was. It was a real shock when he didn’t want one. 😔

It was the price of Morrison’s clotted cream scones for me. My mum used to marvel at how much they were increasing in price every time she went shopping. Even when she only had a few days left I knew I had to tell her they’d gone up to £1.75. Of all the things I thought I’d be saying to my mum in the last few days of her life the price of scones wasn’t something I envisaged discussing. Two years on from her death I can’t help but check the price of them even though i don’t buy them. The tough bit is when I remember I can’t get on the phone to her to give the update. Sending strength to you and your family OP x

Thank you so much for your messages. I recovered in the car but now reading your messages has got me crying again.

They are really blessed with an amazing carer who loves to cook them fantastic food. My mums type of dementia affects her processing skills, so she just couldn’t cook even when her dementia was only early stage. But this time last year we could do stuff together. A poster mentioned rhubarb? We made a lot of rhubarb crumble. She could chop the rhubarb if I was also chopping at same time cause she could copy. But then the cooking part of her was still alive - she would get walnuts, or stem ginger out to add to the crumble. And my mum also loves chocolate ginger to the pp who said their parent loved it.

Shes sleeping a lot now. I pray she gets to stay at home and does not have to go to hospital. Her spatial awareness and coordination is very poor now. Really don’t want her to fall and end up in hospital. For the last couple of years, I’ve been adamant that it’s better to keep her world as big as possible. But now she seems so settled at home rather than going to her dementia groups.

again, thank you so so much and I’m sorry this resonated with so many of you