Is it ever financially feasible to have them live with you and pay for a live in carer to help?

[Purplturpl]

Just pondering our future plans for elderly parents. I have plenty room in the house so could provide a room for a live in carer and also a downstairs room for elderly parents with downstairs bathroom/wetroom.

does anyone know what the costs are for full time live in carer?

at the moment I have df with deteriorating mobility but good memory and dm with deteriorating memory but good mobility. Both would be so resistant to residential care

Couple of things to bear in mind-
Moving to your house is still a move. It can exacerbate symptoms of memory loss and confusion. However well they know your house, it's not their house.

If you have moving and handling issues due to poor mobility then one carer may not be enough. They may reach a point of needing hoisting or becoming a big falls risk, that's a vulnerable position for a carer.

Is there a reason it couldn't work at there existing home? Sorry if you've already answered that.

This is exactly what we have, only 1hr45mins away (or 2.5hrs yesterday).

We are a finely balanced ecosystem with my brother and I each visiting for a couple of nights alternate weeks. However if one gets ill / over does it trying to bring down a tree branch (don't ask) it can fall apart quite quickly.

Mum & Dad have 1 carer visit daily for Mum, but the good thing of this is we would be able to up the number of visits quickly if we had to.

Do you actually have room for a bathroom that's set up for wheelchair use? Extra wide doors? Hoists in bathroom and bedroom?

This exactly. My husbands Nan has moved into a care home and it’s 10k a month.

On another thread a poster described this stage as a fast moving situation with slow moving people.

Time and again I have found this to be true. Since my DM had a fall last September the longest period of stability we have had is about 2 weeks.

We moved DM to a care home in December and I am very glad we did. The place we chose has different sections which provide different levels of support.

DM started in the residential section but her health has declined and she is now in the nursing home section. The transition was very smooth but even just changing DM's room has pushed her dementia symptoms on.

The care home has a lot of equipment to call on. DM is now unable to stand without significant assistance, sometimes this means a thing like a sack barrow, more frequently now it means larger equipment. All of this is available. Plus the careworkers are trained to use this equipment.

It isn't an easy decision but I am glad we made it.

If they can afford 24 hour care at home, I'd suggest they have it at their house? As a pp said, any move is disruptive to someone with poor memory. It can also reveal that the person who is supposed to be cognitively intact isn't quite as intact as you thought.

The classic moment of stress will be the physically frail one going into hospital. I would beg you to consider respite care at that point. If the cognitively frail one has an unplanned stay at your house while you are trying to support the hospital patient, you will end up going nearly mad.

As a rule of thumb I'd say the cost of a care home round here isn't much less than a live in carer. Maybe look at 24 hour care that isn't live in, if they haven't got space for a carer.

I've reported your post, @jonkibri112 - how on earth do you think an online cryptocurrency gambling site is a good hobby for an elderly couple, one with dementia?!

Whether it's a nicer experience is very dependent on what the carer is like. I have some experience of this with a disabled friend. In that case a carer would stay for 3 months, then move on. During the 3 months they had 3 hours off during the day and one full 24 hours off each week, during which other carers had to cover. They weren't required to provide care overnight otherwise an additional carer would be needed.

Some were wonderful. Great rapport, quickly understood what was needed, good at cooking. Others were much less good, and then you're stuck with someone in the house you might not even get on with. Cultural differences were a big problem as the posts tended to be filled by people in their late teens/early 20s who were travelling and wanted to save up (limited opportunity to spend money as they were live-in but all their living expenses were covered). There were problems about mealtimes, diet/cooking expectations, price of ingredients (some were only used to using more expensive convenience food).

@GnomeDePlume ooo that's my phrase - I'm so glad it's been useful to you! My skill set is definitely more with the written word than in patience and caring abilities.

OP, I feel like a bit of a veteran in hiring live-in carers though it was never in my own home. We did the various stages

1. persuading them they needed care
2. getting them visiting carers
3. this quickly escalating to a live-in carer
4. to a live-in carer plus visiting carers to help with moving parent and other things that can't be done alone
5. to final escalation of two live-in carers (cheaper and less disruptive than number 4).

It was bonkers expensive and quite a lot of admin - the care agency took a big old commission but it felt like one of my jobs was mediating between the carers and them. I do know others that have employed people directly and it's been far cheaper but brings other issues. That whole sequence above took less than two years.

Cost wise two live-in carers was about the same as two people in a care home but with food (for four people), heating etc on top. The range of carers was enormous - the best would do additional stuff on top like sorting out all their clothes and cupboards, their medication, dog stuff. The worst would call me up when the satellite dish wasn't working etc.

I used to do private home nursing, usually live-out, occasionally live-in for a short while. I often worked alongside carers.

Finances aside - having people live in your home isn't easy, plus you will have a never-ending stream of carers coming and going, whether you engage people direct or via an agency.

Staff need time off, day/night shift, you have to work out rotas, some will be better than others, will almost certainly be from overseas, and so on.

It's financially feasible if you're wealthy, and want to provide the best possible care.

£7,000
That's Cheaper than a care home.

For me- £800 a week, that’s for up to 12 hours a day care, up to you what hours you want. Saying that, that’s caring for one person. Not sure how to price for a couple 🤔

But the £7000 is on top of all the costs of running the property, utility bills food etc. Need tp add those for a cost comparison. Depending on the nature and size of the property that could mean a gardener, cleaner and maintenance as well as the usual day to day stuff like utilities, insurance (possibly increased), council tax (do you lose the sole occupancy discount?), food.

I has my MIL living with us and it nearly sent me under. There was no peace, running back and forth never being able to spend any time with my family. I've never felt so ill and she was relatively low maintenance. My own parents will never live in my home. I love them but will sort things out for them in their own home if needed. You need your own space. Never again.

Thank you for being honest about this. We have FIL with us after a fall and it is hard.

A live in carer is generally cheaper than a care home. But what level of care will be needed? A close relative has been at home for a weeks with a live in carer but it has been determined that it is nursing she needs and not a carer, hence she has to go into a nursing home if a place can be found.

It’s never going to be cheap. Lots of live in carers jobs I see advertised are about £900 per week week on week off. That’ll be about £6k a month after employment costs and agency fees.

We looked into live in care for an aunt of dh, no dementia, but she needed help at night, too, which would have meant more than one on shifts.
It worked out rather more expensive than a nice care home, even without all the costs of running a home on top.

This is such an important and practical question — and it’s great that you’re thinking ahead to how best to support your parents while respecting their wish to avoid residential care.

The good news is that live-in care can absolutely be a financially feasible option, especially when you consider that care home fees can often be comparable — and in many cases, live-in care can work out cheaper than a care home when caring for a couple. Instead of paying for two places in a residential setting, live-in care offers dedicated support for both in the comfort of home.
Of course, costs vary depending on needs, but many families are surprised to learn how similar (or even better) they can be compared to care homes — and with the added benefit of staying at home.
If you’re seriously considering this option, I would highly recommend speaking to the Live-in Care Hub, a brilliant independent resource. They offer free guidance and consultations to help families understand live-in care and how it compares to other care choices.
You can find them here: www.liveincarehub.co.uk/ — they’re a great starting point for clear, friendly and unbiased information.
Wishing you all the best as you plan the next steps for your parents — you’re asking all the right questions. 💙

Hi OP, how’s things?

Weve had to move to live in care for MIL (Alzheimer’s) as FIL has been in hospital for a month. £950 pw and the phone does not stop. We expected a settling in period but since she found out we’re next door it’s constant- so bear that in mind. MIL won’t get out of bed, won’t take her pjs off, won’t go to the toilet, won’t eat, won’t drink, won’t take her tablets, won’t go for a nap, won’t get in the shower, won’t put her phs on, won’t get into bed, won’t stay in bed (through the night). DH said we’re at 13 calls/day.

Crikey that’s not a lot is it.

Having been one of 3 family members caring for my DF prior to his death, the last 3 years were complete hell. Not helped by the expectations of DM who yes, was an utterly devoted carer to him, but her standards were expected from all whom attended to him. I adored him, but - I'll be blunt here - I never expected to have to see, or touch his penis to guide it into the recepticle so he could urinate (he was too disabled by this point do it himself), nor did I really wish to be wiping his bottom after a poo. Had I been the only person left in the family to do this, maybe I'd have had a different outlook, but in my opinion, she, and only she, should have been doing this. He was her HUSBAND, and I was his DAUGHTER, and I think intimate care was her area, not mine. Not once, did she ask me how I felt about it. That is what I resented the most. There is so much more. It also highlighted very different family dynamics between my sibling and myself, with both parents and each other. I've always had a prickly relationship with DM, but I can honestly say at times since, I've hated her. My main lasting memories of my wonderful, funny, kind and respectful DF, have been ruined by her. Don't enter this lightly-it can start off reasonably manageable, but can end in utter demolition of a family. All in all, we had about seven years of it. Even without the physical side, the mental side is there 24/7 and also takes its toll. Much love.

Terrible idea. If you are under the same roof, the relative will always want you, not the live-in carer.

What care support are they needing at the moment? Is it that they just don’t have the money to increase this without selling the house?

Id reckon on about £10k a month for 24 hour care. It might be more if 2 people involved.

I used to be very pro live in care but after dp’s mum having it literally for a month and going from thinking the carer was wonderful to pitched battle and freezing her out within a fortnight, I’m not so sure.

Im also concerned that currently your parents are propping each other up a bit. It’s going to get much worse with one on their own and you’ll have shot your bolt.

I have seen this look good, but tbh usually for people who have more money than God and therefore a huge house, so that ‘living together’ doesn’t involve much shared interaction at all, plus there is a discreet staff of multiple people doing most of the actual work, or a completely selfless and angelic couple plus unusually sweet and benignly demented elderly person. Unusual combination.