My father

[MereDintofPandiculation]

Those of you who’ve been here a long time may remember my father, who passed away early Friday morning. Aged 102.

Funny thing, grief. I’ve been thinking “he’ll never sit at my dining table again”, but I knew that 5 years ago.

I feel I’ve a huge wail inside me wanting to get out. But I don’t want to let it out because I don’t cope well. I don’t know how to self-soothe

@MereDintofPandiculation so sorry to hear your news. As others have said you have been such a force on the Elderly Parents and other threads. Your love for your DF is clear. Many of us could take a leaf from your book when we get frustrated with our parents. You have done it all with such grace. Take your time. There is no ‘right way’ to grieve just as there is no ‘right way’ to show you care or love someone. Just take your time and ride the emotions as best you can. Most of all you know we are all here if you need a moment.

I’m very sorry @MereDintofPandiculation . There have been some very wise words on here already, I can only reiterate what others had be said - there is no right or wrong way to feel or cope at this point. If it helps to think of things from a different point, your brain is trying to process a massive dump of all sorts of different hormones like adrenaline from this situation, and that alone would make anyone feel discombobulated. I hope you also have real life support in addition to your DH.

I think that may be what people mean when they say things like “just let yourself feel the emotions”

I think the hygienist got more than she bargained for this morning. She greeted me with the usual “how are you today” and I thought “how the hell am I supposed to know how I am?” So I said “I lost my dad on Friday so I’ve no idea how I feel”. Poor woman! She dealt with it very well.

Two sayings from my dad, in recent months when words have been more of a struggle:

You can’t [insert task] without breaking an omelette

I’m as snug as a bug in a bread roll.

They’re definitely going into the family vocabulary.

I think from now on we ditch Cockroach - sorry Yolo - and it becomes The Snug as a bug in a bread roll Cafe in honour of your Dad, Dint?

It keeps up the same messaging about kitchen hygiene

I think you have to do it. Or one of the regulars will.
It's just the natural thing to honour him and you, too...
From your descriptions, it would be typical of your DF to find a new interest and set of friends even now...

Sorry Dint

Time ticks over no matter how well or badly we feel. Wretched thing.

I'm sorry to hear this Pan, and I hope you're doing as well as you can. You've done so much to keep him comfortable.

It'll take time. I find getting outside really helps. And book something that you and your DH can look forward to together too.

The Broken Omelette Cafe has quite a ring to it.

It's been a long chapter but every book has an ending. As others have said, there's no right way to grieve and no-one can tell you how to feel. I found that it wasn't the current version of my mother that I missed but all the memories of her going back down the years. It was odd because the 1970s mum had been gone a long time and would never have returned. You know that they won't go on forever and yet it's hard to think of a world that exists without them in it but here it is.

May your memories of him support you through this challenging time.

Yes @Knotaknitter , I was thinking yesterday “we’ll never see him sitting at the dining table again”. But I’ve known that for four years. So what’s changed. Defies logic.