How long does end of life last?

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My DM had a stroke on Tuesday, has dementia and is in a care home. We were expecting her passing to be quite quick, however she's still going. It's been torture, her breathing has that horrible rattle sound to it, and every minute or so she stops breathing for 30 secs or so. But she's now in day 4 and it's still the same. How long can this phase last before she passes? I know everyone is different 😔

Sending hope that your DM passes soon and peaceful. Tell her she can go, and then cry your heart out

So sorry about your mum OP.

My DH wasn't old when he died (had cancer) but he developed that breathing where he'd pause for up to 50 seconds before the next breath. He lasted a couple of weeks with that, but he was having small amounts of food and fluid.

The body requires water for every bodily process, so if your DM isn't taking any fluids down at all then I wouldn't expect her to last too many days. I hope she has a peaceful passing.

It was five days for my DF.

I am thinking of you.

I don't think the body can possibly endure much more than five days if zero fluid is going in. I take it your mum is heavily sedated and on morphine, and unaware. Very sorry, it is a relief when they pass. 💐

My dad lived for 16 days with no food or water

My Dad was 17 days, I think. Even the nursing staff couldn't believe he was still with us - and he had an awful breathing pattern for the last 10 days. I sat with him for hour after hour, and left at 1pm as I needed to eat. As I walked out the door, I kissed him and told him to go when he was ready - I'd miss him every day for the rest of my life but I knew he had to leave. Nurse rang me 15 minutes later to say he'd gone. The old bugger, I knew he would go on his terms.

This part is the worst, OP. Look after yourself.

It isn't a pathway that people who are dying are placed on, it’s a natural process. Active death has a pathway that the body takes. Firstly, the body no longer requires food or drink and in fact to give them any will prolong the inevitable and not in a good way. The digestive system has shut down so they are more likely to vomit and be in pain.
It’s hard to watch and goes against everything we think should be happening, but it’s absolutely natural. I felt like you when I watched my grandma die over 24 hours, but once I did research about the process it all made perfect sense. My stepfather died a few months ago, and was actively dying for 6 days. It was very peaceful.

My Nan lasted 8 days on a pain relief driver,no food and just swabs on her mouth. Was debated to see and -sorry if offends anyone - shouldn't be allowed. The suffering she endured was atrocious

It’s horrible to sit and watch. And always takes longer than they tell you. My dad was sleepier than usual the day he died, but concious and eating (a little) that day too. His hands and feet were very swollen the day he died, his heart wasn’t circulating the blood properly.

My dad was put on end of life care a few days before the Queen’s funeral. I remember watching it beside his bed while he slept. Watching Charles at the funeral and thinking how I was going to be in his shoes next.

Id like to think it’s much less upsetting for them that it is for us. Keep your strength up.x

Both parents lasted quite a few days in this stage. Yes, it's horrible.

My Mum is in end of life care. She is in hospital and is on morphine and nothing else. She is breathing very heavily and is semi conscious. Does anyone know how long she will be like this? It’s awful to see her like it. She’s been on morphine for maybe the past 24 hours.

I’m so sorry Starling57. There’s no way to say. Can the nurses or palliative care team give you an idea. Huge hugs to you. It’s a very tough time.

Thank you so much. No nothing has been said? It’s all happened really quickly and has been quite a shock. Just hate the thought that she’ll just wither away. Awful to watch. Thanks again - really appreciate it xx

We are almost at this stage with my Mum. The nursing home say she is deteriorating and talk about end of life care starting soon but we have no indication of how long we have for anything - it's very hard.