High functioning but heavy drinkers in their late 70s

[BoozyBoomers]

My father, who is in his late 70s, drinks 3 litres of whisky a month. It’s only ever as a nightcap, but clearly a generous measure. This has been his habit for 15 years I think. Probably the amount has crept up.

He has half a bottle of wine with meals, 2-3 times a week. Plus maybe 3-4 beers a week.

He is still very energetic and active for his age - doing laborious gardening, walking the dog, and going on holidays and trips. He is mentally sharp, reads books and has no memory issues. He drives his car including on UK holidays.

So I can’t say the alcohol is having a bad effect. But I know drinkers build up a tolerance, and one day their liver will just pack up.

Do any of you have experience with elderly parents who like a drink? What happens to them over time? I just can’t imagine this continuing into his 80s.

There are always going to be anomalous people who make it to their 90’s in good health whilst smoking/ drinking/ dating bunny girls….but for most ,bad habits catch up at some point, like my relative who had a massive stroke at the wheel of his car. The driving is perhaps going to be an issue for you to keep an eye on, people are often very reluctant to give up and cognitive changes often develop slowly.

Whenever I visit care homes as I often do, I hope to God something takes me before I get to that stage of life. Very very old age in my opinion is not something to deprive yourself of what you enjoy for. There are fates worse than death

When my elderly relative was in hospital, she was prescribed meds for alcohol withdrawal. I know for a fact, nobody told the hospital about her alcohol consumption as apparently everyone likes a drink. Another relative (who is a doctor) was visiting and noticed it on her chart. It was mentioned that she might have been a very difficult patient and that is how they knew?

I love this answer. Enjoy your red!

This sounds just like my in-laws. In his 70s my FIL still did gardening for a bit of extra cash. He’d walk everywhere. He gave up the gardening at about 75 and for another 5 years I’d say he still walked to the supermarket and back daily (about a mile round trip) then he would walk to the store but get a lift back and then I would pick them some bits up. MIL was lazy and didn’t do much. She was a nightmare when she had a drink. We would give her alcohol free without telling her. I always said they were medical miracles as they ate terribly, smoked and drank. They died a few months apart. FIL first aged 92 and then mil six months later aged 86.

My father is a bit more active than that I think because of the dog. He often walks 10k steps in a day, and sometimes 20k when he’s on holiday or visiting somewhere for the day.

I think it’s precisely because he’s still so active and energetic for his age that I worry that the alcohol will surely mean he can’t keep this up for many more years.

But maybe he’s just made of stern stuff!

And yes there’s been Alzheimers on my mother’s side with two family members who lived into their 90s, so I’ve no doubt he and my mother are keen to avoid that fate for themselves.

I figure once I get to that age, all bets are off, I'll just enjoy life.

The one saving grace was that they both had full capacity. I’d worry more if either of them drove but neither of them did.
Those saying let them have their little pleasures, presumably haven’t had to deal with the aftermath and having to speak to the fire brigade because the ambulance service reported them as a fire hazard as well as when they have the inevitable fall. It was horrendous.

It may well be that on some level he feels he doesn’t want to live into advanced old age, and wouldn’t want to live a great deal longer than my mother

You might be on to something. Contrary to popular belief, not everyone wants to live into their 90's. Late 70's, healthy, active and enjoying life? Leave him alone.

As long as he's not a danger to others you really can't police his drinking.

My parents were both lifelong teetotalers. Father died of a stroke in his 60's and mother lived to 88 in fairly good health (though she was absolutely miserable the last 5 years of her life).

Yes my friend would rather enjoy his daily drinking and escaping his sober brain and possibly die younger. He's cool with it.
He doesn't want a long painful death though so he will end it himself if he gets really ill.
He'd much rather that than a long sober life.

Just from experience I see most people succumb to their bad habits in 50s and 60s but some people are exceptions

It’s frailty that you are talking about rather than necessarily advanced age. The loss of independence, loss of mobility, cognitive decline, needing more social support, becoming more socially isolated until eventually ending up in a care home. There are some very old people who maintain their independence and there are some people that end up in care homes in their 60s. Of course you are more likely going to need social support the older you are.

People often consider risks in terms of living or dying- ‘if a drop dead next week so be it’ but they don’t consider the risk of living with disease or living with frailty. Good health is often taken for granted until you lose it.

One large whisky a night was recommended by our doctor to my great grandfather for his 'heart'

I don't think he's drinking excessively, if he has a couple of glasses of wine a couple of times a week with his dinner
And a whisky every night

It's only in Mumsnet world that makes him an alcoholic
Leave him alone

Leave the poor man alone. What a dreadfully judgemental post. 100ml a day is nothing. Jeez, I feel sorry for him having such an awful child.

Bloody hell, when I'm in my late 70's I will certainly be no longer making an attempt to regulate my alcohol intake. Let him enjoy it!

@Buzyizzy21 She's not said anything awful or judgemental at all, infact it sounds like she really cares about him. You're either reading a different post or have something to be defensive about.

Reckon you’re the one who’s reading a different post. She’s being very judgemental and needs to leave him alone. And FYI I am not being defensive, maybe you are tho?

3 bottles of whiskey a month 40 units a bottle = 120 units a month
2-3 half bottle of wine a week, 10 units a bottle = 50 units a month
3-4 beers a week, 2 units a can/bottle = 28 units a month
Approximately 198 units over 4 weeks = 49 units per week, 7 units per day.
Govt guidelines suggest 14 units per week.
Older people are more sensitive to the affects of alcohol.
It’s not Mumsnet that makes him an alcoholic it’s the amount he drinks that determines that. It’s all well and good being told to leave him alone but having to deal with elderly alcoholics, I can tell you from experience isn’t fun.

He’s late 70’s and active, he’s going ok.

The recommended units were made up and not based on anything scientific... google it! Its interesting www.spectator.co.uk/article/the-great-alcohol-cover-up-how-public-health-hid-the-truth-about-drinking/

Your maths is a bit off too.
Whisky 28 units in a bottle not 40

Yes its probably a little too much but hes an adult and if i get to that age I will be partaking in every vice known to man

My friend’s mum has a bottle of wine every night. 4pm on the dot & it lasts her until 8pm on the dot! She’s done this since her 60’s & she’s now 88!

I would just leave him be to enjoy his life as he sees fit.

How’s it judgmental , she’s stating facts then asking for advice

I would be concerned about the quantity of alcohol and the driving. I’m not sure what to suggest, though. It sounds like he enjoys life including a drink, or perhaps relies on drinking as part of an enjoyable life, rather than focusing on drinking to the exclusion of all else, but as pp said, if mobility declines he could be in trouble. Perhaps you could have a conversation about whether some of the drinking has become a habit rather than truly enjoyable, suggest drinking weaker drinks sometimes, or introduce him to some ‘grown up’ soft drinks - there are loads out there nowadays. That might also tell you something about how protective he is about his intake.

You could also encourage him to take a good multivitamin to ensure he is not depleting himself too much.

Those guidelines were pulled out of thin air. There is no scientific basis to them

Late 70s? He's doing alright. Leave him be.

MIL is 86 and gets through approx 30 units a week, mostly white wine but a sherry before dinner. She is fit as a fiddle, up with the lark to do her tai chi and toddle off to town on the bus with her trolley. She has been drinking like this for the 40 years I've known her.
For the last 30 years I've averaged about 4 units a week and the GP tells me I have fatty liver disease.