Looking for daily 'carer' but not for personal care?

[Giraffesdotty]

My 95 yr old mum still lives alone and independently. I live 2+ hours away and visit as often as I can, but local friends have told me they suspect she is not coping as well as she would have me believe.

What I'm looking for is some kind of private agency which could provide someone to literally pop in on her every day or 2, check she's eating, taking meds, have a chat, do some basic chores, and generally check in with her. To be clear, she is still able to get up, showered and dressed and get to the toilet. However, her short term memory is very bad these days - over the phone it's so hard to really know what's going on.

If anyone can recommend a particular agency I'd be so grateful, as it's difficult to know where to start. The other issue will be selling the whole idea to her - I'm expecting lots of resistance!

Thank you all very much.

Most places will do that
As a carer I did
Personal care
Cooking
Housework
Medication
Feeding pets

Anything from helping someone get dressed after a shower to finding a video of the Trafford centre (she had never been and wanted to see it!)

Try carers.org for advice or phone Social Work in her area. Good luck. Been there, done it, got the t-shirt

If you look for 'adult social care' for her local council area they'll probably have a directory of all the local care services, what demographic they cater for (e.g. elderly, disabled, young adults) and what they can and can't cover. I know my parents were given one.

also perhaps see if her local GP has links to a 'social prescriber' or similar who would potentially visit her to assess her needs, see if she is claiming all the benefits she can etc.

And if she doesn't already have an PoA set up for you, get it done before she loses capacity so that yo ucan act of her behalf as and when necessary.

Home Instead have been highly recommended by people I know. Not sure if they're just around this area (south west) though. They don't wear uniform so basically it's just like having a friend/relative round.

Home Instead (and probably others) offer a 'Companion Care' service, which sounds like the sort of thing you're after. You may need to ring round a few agencies to see who's actually got staff available.

I think you need to give an idea of the location as many "national" names are franchises and may have different ways of working and reputation in different areas.

Thanks everyone - mum lives in London (Brent) if that helps. She wouldn't qualify for any benefits as she has a house and reasonable savings. P of A already set up!

I can't recommend a particular company, but just to say this is a totally normal reason to have carers, exactly what one of my grandparents has. She manages to wash, dress and make her own meals but needs help around the home, medication, keeping on top of laundry. She doesn't need physical help, just support.

Contact her local social services. They will be able to do a care assessment and get her set up with an agency even if your mum funds it herself.

Another recommendation for Home Instead. They are a franchise business so I guess might vary from area to area but we use them for my mum and two other friends have had good experiences in different areas so they seem to be uniformly good.

The person who cleans for me also offers this service. I don't need it at the moment, but she's mentioned some of "her ladies" ask for this. Sometimes it's just sitting outside the bathroom while they shower, sometimes it's helping them dress or feed pets. While I don't need that type of help at the moment, she has a key to my house in case, for example, I fall and can't get up.
So independent cleaners in your Mums area may offer similar. Mine has insurance and pays tax and NI, so I feel confident that she's capable.

Have you considered ageuk the have all sorts of services.

My mum has carers from Helping Hands, and they just pop in once a day to check in her, have a cup of tea, and do any bits she can't manage. Think most care agencies would have a similar service.

Just to say, disability benefits are not means tested, so if she is not already getting Attendance Allowance, it sounds like she could be eligible.

Thanks for responding so quickly - I've had a look at the Home Instead website for her area and it gets very good reviews. Will also investigate disability benefits.
Obviously I'll make sure that I'm there when she meets her carer for the first time, but my worry is that going forward she'll tell them that everything's fine and send them away!

Any tips? The memory loss doesn't help...

My 95 year old mother needs exactly this. She already had a lovely caring cleaner who came once a week and who she has known for years, so we arranged for the cleaner to come twice a week and also to call in briefly most days just to check all is well.

It has made me a lot less anxious but I do worry about what comes next. My mother, like yours OP, can look after herself physically and is always immaculately dressed, but her short term memory is getting worse and worse. For example, she has a bracelet alarm in case she falls but when she did have a fall recently it didn't work because, although she had put it on the charger overnight, she had forgotten to plug the charger in!

@Godesstobe this all sounds very familiar...I'm forever telling mum to write herself reminder notes to do things. Which she then doesn't read. Even large signs get ignored! So physically having someone there a few times a week would be a game changer. Her cleaner comes weekly but is sadly not the kind of person to do more than the bare minimum, although she's a nice enough person / reliable / trustworthy which counts for a lot.

I hope you find what you need @Giraffesdotty

Thank you - me too!

A decent carer will get around that
"Can I just make you a brew while I'm here? I need to fill in some paperwork that says you're fine and I'm gasping.."

Once you're inside then it's much easier to cast an eye over everything. I got someone to shower that hadn't for 3 years

In that case these might be able to point you in the direction of some appropriate care agencies, even though she wouldn't qualify for any financial assistance.

Adult Social Care | Brent Council

Definitely apply for attendance allowance.

I would look at the home care services being offered but also have a Google for e.g. home help/housekeeping for older people. People round my way often advertise on e.g. the post office notice boards as well, so that might be worth looking at next time you're down?

You could try Home Instead or similar.

I used to do a bit of emotional blackmail. 'Of course youre managing most of the time mum but honestly I'm tearing my hair out worrying about you. Would you just let them in and be nice to them, for my sake?...'

I can really relate to what you’re going through. My own mum wanted to stay independent at home, but I needed peace of mind knowing she was safe and supported. Sometimes just having someone pop in daily to check on meals, medication, and offer a bit of company makes all the difference. I’m in Nottingham and ended up going with Bridgegate Care for personal home care services. Their carers were reliable and kind, and it helped me feel reassured without taking away my mum’s independence.