Talking to parents about their death & wishes

[Oohitscoldoutside]

I'm not sure mine count as elderly but I didn't know where else to post.

How do you start the conversation of their wishes?

I'm 29, an only child and I just can't bring myself to do it, my mum (61) & dad (67) keep messaging me about flying out so I can visit their friends, see their home...etc and so she can give me a copy of their will. I don't want to even think about it and can't without crying.

If they die abroad, where do I begin (they live in Spain, myself England).
My DF has recently been diagnosed with Type 2 diabetes and has been struggling with the medication, my DM has some heart issues.

Where do I start?
How do I have that conversation?
What if they want to be buried and I want their ashes? I don't want to argue with what they want but also, as my dad says "when I'm dead, my body no longer matters" so do I put my own wants first, but then I feel like I'm disrespectful of their wishes.

I wish I had someone to talk to about this but I have no one.

Op death is the only thing in life that is guaranteed.

My mum did not want to talk about POA or making a will despite a terminal diagnosis. She died intestate and despite verbalizing her wishes I had to act as per the law which left her grandchildren without anything from one of my siblings. She would have been heartbroken, and it has caused a rift.

You need to have that conversation. They need to have that conversation. At the very least you need to have an awareness of the practicalities of them dying abroad.

As others have pointed out, your parents have indicated that they want to talk about it. Hopefully they still have around 20 years left so not really a rush. However it would be very sad if you didn't feel able to go out to see them to talk with them about everything.
My father emigrated to Spain from the UK two years after my mother died. He was 71. He made his will and on one of our visits to him gave me a copy. He had paid for a funeral plan but wanted the funeral to take place in my home town in England. Everything was arranged. Repatriation of his body was part of the funeral plan.
At the age of 80 he died suddenly of a heart attack. His neighbour found him and called me. My DB and I flew out to Spain and discovered that Spanish laws are complicated with regard to property, inheritance tax etc. It was a nightmare to be honest and we had to put probate, the house sale etc in the hands of an English solicitor in Spain. But that is not somethibg you should be concerned about now. Go to see them and spend some time with them.

Just offer to talk about all their wishes, to protect them. My mum asked me to be executor of will. Then we talked about her funeral, made postcards of all her jewelry and who it was to go to.
I know she wants no intervention but to just pass. Now I need to talk to her about the final details, no water, pain meds only, etc.

@AuntieMarys I couldn't scroll by without offering you my sincerest sympathy.

I can blithely say I've lost my parents and it's a rite of passage which one copes with. But to lose a child. It's unthinkable xx

@AuntieMarys my sincere condolences to you.

@Oohitscoldoutside my sister works in a legal practice in Spain which specialises in dealing with the ExPat community. She is a native English speaker and can translate as necessary. If you PM me, I can send you the details for you to get in contact with them.