I don't want social services or hospital treatment for mother

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My 90 yo mother lives alone with no carers, she is very stubbonly independent, but actually, I do everything (62yo female), shopping, gardening, etc. She is very negative (rubbish childhood) and has no friends or other family that will visit. It is very difficult to get her to the dentist, the doctor is even more difficult. She is fit and healthy for her age, with no illnesses or problems except HBP. Her mild dementia causes a lot of anxiety. Because of this, I have never enforced her to hospital or doctors, and in fact, she has never really needed treatment. She gets very angry and anxious if anything different ever happens, ie dentist or hairdresser. I am a carer, and I have seen clients under social services and what can happen when somebody is 'in the system' and it hasn't usually been stress free and happy. My fear is that I want my mum to just pass away at home, which is what she wants too. I'm not sure it is ethical to just allow nature to take it's course. There is currently no reason to go to hospital, I am just pondering the future. Does anyone else on here think this is ok?

We're in this situation, albeit possibly a lot further down the road.

The problem with respecting wishes to be left alone is that now my MiL hasn't had a haircut in 8 years, not been to the dentist or for medical help for several years and is now adamantly housebound.

It was fine whilst her main carer could still go out but she's so anxious now, his life is becoming very curtailed.

She is also starting to fall and he cannot pick her up and does not ask for help. She is also needing a lot more personal care.

We were worried about it becoming a safeguarding issue but she's had another fall now and all the services are involved. I agree it's not very comfortable but her needs are greater than we can meet if her main carer breaks down, so I'm glad we will have some support. So far, there's been agreement that disturbing her is counter-productive, her current care is more than adequate and the plan is probably conservative management at home for the foreseeable future. So it's not all or nothing, at least not here.

It's a difficult balance tho.

You need to get a LPA and a care plan needs to be talked about whilst she has the capacity. Our mother died last year at home. She had Alzheimer's (diagnosed 1 year previously) then lung cancer. She had already made it clear that she did not want any intervention for these and wanted to stay at home. However, she was admitted to hospital twice for chest infections, and received care at home from the District Nurses for bed sores and ulcers on her legs. She was fine with this. We had to fight the LA for carers which was probably the worst part. Eventually they agreed but it was not the best experience due to poor management and staff shortages. Get all the help you can for yourself and your Mother in place as soon as you can. Because of the cancer Marie Curie also provided a Nurse overnight 2/3 nights so we could get some respite. This was a godsend. We were advised to “sign up” so to speak for Palliative Care early in the process the idea being that as we were “plugged into the system” PC would be initiated quickly when the time came. That was a bit of a joke as when it was needed they were sadly lacking and they actually took weeks and endless visits from various Managers to actually organise visits for Mum. There was also some confusion between them and the DN as to what was whose responsibility. That was NOT helpful. Good Luck xx