Mum lives aboard and just had a health scare - how can I care for her. Any advice is welcome

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My mum is in her early 70s and usually in good health. She lives abroad by herself (long story), but the country she lives in provides excellent health care.
A week ago, she was admitted to the hospital due to very high blood pressure. She suddenly lost her memory and asked things repeatedly. At the A&E, the doctor gave her some medication and within an hour, she regained her memory and was discharged the next day. Luckily, she has a good neighbour and a couple of good friends, and I flew to her immediately. At the hospital, they suspected a minor stroke, but it turned out not to be the case after examining the MRI report. The doctor said he could not spot any anomaly from the MRI, but there were some minor 'white spots' due to normal ageing. She does have relatively high cholesterol and has started to take medicine to control it now. Her mind is sharp, and she still plays three instruments. But sometimes I worry about her interaction with people as she seems to insist on certain things -i.e. asking the shop assistants to do tasks, often tech-related, for her.

My mum has some good friends but they are all quite busy as they are younger, and won't be with her as often as I'd like. I am concerned that the isolation will have negative impact on her health. My mum also still feels that she is in her 50s which I suppose is a good thing but can be dangerous at times.

I am the only child and super close to my mum, especially after losing my dad at a young age. I'd like to bring my mum back to the UK and live with me for a while, but at the same time, I am worried that A&E here won't be as efficient compared to the country she lives in in case of emergency. If anything happens, I will regret it forever.

But I also don't want to leave her alone in the country where she has lived for a long time. A 50/50 split would be suitable for now. But again, she cannot live with me for longer than six months, she is not a British citizen.

Sorry for the long post. I have been in shock as Mum usually is the stronger one. Can I add her to Mum's private health insurance back in the UK?

Any advice is welcome. Thank you so much.

would she be entitled to medical care in the UK?

Where is your mum? I would hate it if my child made me move away from my life. Have you asked her what she wants and how she will manage things going forward? I live in a different country to my DM. These choices have consequences.

Does she want to move?
I wouldn’t in her scenario

I would get some home help for her. It’s likely she can get this arranged free via medical services also. But also option to get someone private who can help her a few times a week for company and sorting things out

Thank you for the reply. Yes, I asked her and she wants to move and live with me. She is also comfortable with her current life but I am just really worried - am I overthinking things? My biggest concern about her living with me is the health system in the UK. My colleague's mum had a stroke two years ago, and it took the ambulance hours to come; they missed the "golden hour" as a result. She is in a care home now, and my colleague is devastated.

@Caspianberg - The problem is that she insists that she is 100% fine and happy with her life. My other concern is her lack of interaction with people, as before retirement, she had a very busy life. She keeps telling me that she is fine. But I am new to caring about the elderly parent, so I am not sure if I should believe her entirely. Before this recent incident, I totally trusted her on her health but only found out that she has high cholesterol and her blood pressure device is no longer accurate.

It sounds as if she had a TIA. It's good that she has medication. It sounds as if you are seeing a little bit of decline that concerns you.

I think I would have her over to visit, but her setup at home sounds lovely and not to be given up lightly. Would she carry a phone with her routinely?

I do wonder if you need to just let the shock of this sudden knock on the door from her mortality settle down.

You've got to let her live her life and make her own choices. You say you'd like to 'bring her back home'. How would you feel as an adult if someone else decided what country you should live in.

Maybe have a face to face conversation when you visit her next asking what she would like from the future. She'll know you won't be able to care for her round the clock as you're abroad. She also needs to consider where she would ideally like to die, here and there. She may, of course already considered this.

She's only on her early 70s, sounds like she is very capable of making her own decisions. High cholesterol is hardly a surprising or alarming finding at that age. I think you should listen to and respect her opinion more. Moving her could be disastrous - a fish out of water.

Can you fly about and spend a week or two with her to see how she actually is.

If she’s lived there forever it will be hard to adjust to a new life in uk also.

@PermanentTemporary - Thank you very much for the reply. I also suspected a TIA (from googling) but the doctor insisted it wasn't. But it makes all the difference as TIA often follows by a major stoke which making bring her to the UK a bad idea. I am so torn at the moment.

@Caspianberg - I am with her now. It was a long haul flight but I flew back the next day - my manager has been supportive and I am grateful.

Well, if it is a TIA (not sure how the doctor is ruling that out as it sounds exactly like one!) then yes the risk of a stroke is a good chunk higher, but the medication is the best way forward there.

I would just try to be in touch and visit more often. There are things you can't control in life.

One thing I feel guilty about is that I persuaded her to give up her scooter—the traffic is super fast here, and most people on scooters are super young (compared to her). I asked her to take taxis when needed and gave her a lump sum of money to cover the fares. But I know it is not as flexible as a scooter, which she has used for over ten years. Have I done the right thing?

@PermanentTemporary - He cannot see it from the MRI scan I suppose. But I am not sure if it is the right diagnose.

You need to have the discussion about the scooter (and her health) as an equal, adult to adult discussion. It's her life and her health so it's got to be centred on her needs and wants and not yours.

It's coming across a bit like you feel you need to be the parent and make decisions about what's best for her but that's not the case. It's her life. If she wants to do something that makes her life easier but it's riskier that's up to her. We all make those choices. Even if her memory was to deteriorate in the future the decisions should be based on what's best for her (not just medically but socially and emotionally).

I work in a stroke team that doesn't accept people with TIAs. I always understood that part of the definition of a TIA is that nothing can be seen on the scans. Anyway, if the doctor says it's not, I guess there's nothing more to be said about that.

I don't know about the scooter. Presumably you were worried and that's completely fair enough. You can't agonise over every bit of advice you give like this! If it helps, it may be that she gave it up because she was actually worried too, rather than because you persuaded her.

@NerrSnerr - You are right. I need to learn and adjust as I am new to this experience/topic. My mum is a strong woman and has been very independent. She likes to be correct (but not stubborn). Sometimes, I found it frustrating. I feel like an over-protecting parent, but am I? I insisted her friend check on her and send her to the hospital immediately, which was the right decision. I also suspect the blood pressure device is not accurate, which she dismissed, but I was right again. I just felt the stake is too high.

@PermanentTemporary Thank you again for the reply. If the team does not accept people with TIA, then how could they get diagnosed and treatment?

my biggest concern about her living with me is the health system in the UK
Well don't use it then?
You're saying it rubbish and not good enough for her, yet still planning on bringing her over here, against her will and planning to use it for 6 months?

More suggestions of health tourism. We wonder why the nhs is down the toilet.

Your mum would only be eligible for emergency care unless she can prove she is planning to return to the UK Using the NHS when you return to live in the UK - GOV.UK (www.gov.uk)
She would need to provide proof of residence in the UK. Having her over here for a brief period of time would mean she loses continuity of care from the provider where she is living currently and she would likely struggle to be "in the system" here.

It’s not necessarily health tourism.
In Europe at least once in receipt of UK state pension a British pensioner has their healthcare paid for by the UK and as such can use both the health care system of their resident country and/or the NHS.

Unless you know Op’s dm’s circumstances then you can’t say this.
There are exceptions in some countries for people in receipt of UK state pension.

She's an adult and not entitled to live in the UK. So there are only really two options - she sorts out, and pays for, care where she lives, or you move there and care for her. I'd advise against the second for your own sanity. Does she have any family where she is?

But doesn't sound like the dm has a UK pension?