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Elderly parents

Has anyone's parent had these symptoms?

31 replies

BigLittleRedOne · 09/06/2024 12:19

My mum is 71 - so I don't know if that even counts as elderly, but I am hoping to hear from anyone who has seen these symptoms in a parent..

She lives alone after a divorce from my dad 30+ years ago.

I have noticed a marked change in her in the last 3 years.

She has always been introverted but was always interested in people/new places, and quite adventurous. It feels like in the last few years she has withdrawn from the world into herself.

She cannot contribute to a social group conversation, she either doesn't speak or says some almost nonsensical thing or something irrelevant.

She seems slightly (for want of a better phrase) 'out of it', detached from her surroundings. She will chat to me and to my kids, and close family/friends on a one to one basis but I don't feel like I get much from these exchanges, it's hard to explain but I used to be close to her and now I feel like she's somewhere else.

She seems to have lost the ability to converse and make small talk - she comes across as rude because she doesn't know how to chat anymore. Another change is her table manners have got quite bad - eating with her mouth open, almost like a co-ordination problem.

At a family event this weekend both her brother and sister said they were concerned about her too, commenting on her being detached, sitting on her own, not joining conversations and not seeming interested in the world around her. She also got too drunk too early which was frankly a bit embarrassing.

It feels like she has physically aged in the past few years, her speech seems slightly different (croakier voice), and her walking is slow and a bit shuffly. She has an arthritic foot which doesn't help but I feel her whole demeanour is that of someone much older. She has had a couple of trips/falls in the last few years as well. I think this has stopped her doing as much/going out and about as she has admitted to me she feels more anxious about falling.

I don't know if this sounds like dementia/Alzheimers -she is not forgetting names or words or losing things. It seems like she is almost slightly drunk, if that makes sense!

I have brought my concerns up with her - I said I'd noticed she'd lost her joie de vivre, she said she thought it was being more cautious and also being alone a lot. I asked if she felt depressed, she said no.

She is not good at talking about how she feels, or admitting anything is wrong so I am not sure how to approach this. The other complication is that she doesn't live in the UK, she lives in Europe and the healthcare system there is not one I'm familiar with.

Sorry for the long post but I don't know quite what to make of this or what my next steps should be. I feel like I've gradually lost my mum in the past few years.

OP posts:
sunflowerfan · 09/06/2024 20:14

I was also thinking stroke/tia.

Mischance · 09/06/2024 20:40

My OHs Parkinsons began with depression and social withdrawal which started some years before the "typical" Parkinsonds symptoms. There are drugs which can help so a diagnosis is valuable.

FFSWherearemyglasses · 09/06/2024 21:33

BigLittleRedOne · 09/06/2024 19:40

Really sorry to hear about your mum. Were these symptoms diagnosed prior to the stroke, or linked to it?

Her memory was failing pre stroke but is now considerably worse. She previously went dancing, did jigsaws, played solitaire on her phone but she just can’t be bothered now.
She has no interest in what’s has been or what is to come. She very much lives in the moment. Usually a chatty smiley person; she has some moments of belligerence which is difficult to deal with.
Aside from the drinking she has everything you’ve described 🥺

Bumblebeeinatree · 09/06/2024 21:48

Also get blood pressure checked, feeling wobbly and fainting/falling could well be low or high blood pressure.

jennifersa · 09/06/2024 22:21

My nanna was like this - socially withdrawn and reluctant to honour in the early stages of dementia, of course we didn't know it at the time but looking back I remember her saying how she was losing confidence with age, a couple of years before she started to withdraw

funnelfan · 10/06/2024 17:21

Another vote for Parkinson’s/Lewy Body Dementia.

i took my DM to the GP who agreed and referred her to Neurology, but the wait list was 60 weeks! Eventually she had a crisis which caused a hospital admission and she got diagnosis that way. So do ask the GP what the best route for support is, considering waiting times etc. DM ended up at the local Elderly Care clinic with the same treatment plan as if she’d been seen by Neurology.

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