Any recommendations for meal replacement for my Mum please?

[BlackAmericanoNoSugar]

I've had a quick look online and they all seem to be flavoured protein shakes that are dairy based and Mum doesn't digest milk well.

Mum is generally very independent but she has a cold/virus that has turned into a chest infection. Anti-biotics and steroids are helping but she WILL NOT eat. She's basically existing on cups of tea, black because she doesn't drink milk.

I know I'm inviting opprobrium from MN by saying anything at all negative about an elderly person, but she is fiercely independent when she is in good health and an oppositional, uncooperative, martyred, pain in the neck when she's ill. So anything that I buy for her to encourage her to eat has to be really tasty because she's not going to push herself to try it just because I am gently encouraging her to. In fact, I might get better results by just leaving some on her kitchen counter-top without mentioning that it's there.

So, is there anything that you have had when recuperating and lacking appetite or that you have bought for an elderly relative/friend that went down well?

What about chocolates, cakes etc. At this stage, getting some calories in matters, you dont need to worry about “good” food.

Thanks @user1471453601 I'm going to my best not to argue with her. It's tricky because when she's ill, she's grumpy and when she's grumpy, she wants an argument. She can press all my buttons because she's my mother and so she installed the buttons. Also, I remember the trouble that she had with her mother, who was an incredibly difficult person, so I'm trying to be careful not to go down the same route.

I will just leave possible easy foods available to her I think, and she can eat or not. The more that I step in the early stages of her old age the less likely it is that she will accept that she needs help, and then the more I will need to do for her. She can afford to have any level of care that she wishes, but what happened with my grandmother is that she refused outside carers. The more that my Mum and her sister did for their Mum the more justified she felt in refusing carers. It honestly took over their entire lives for the last few years of my grandmother's life. My Mum said at the time that she would never do that to me and would have carers when she needed it, but is now saying that she won't need any help at all but also keeps telling me that she will just die quietly, alone and not cause any fuss for family who clearly don't have time for her. Usually when I'm putting away her shopping or taking her to the hairdressers (she generally does most stuff for herself to be fair, but when she's feeling under the weather she won't drive).

So thanks all. I'll try a variety of flavours of Ensure to see if she likes any of them and a few bars of chocolate, because any calories are good calories at this stage as a pp has pointed out.

Wiltshire Farm Foods do a puree petit range - pureed foods that are more energy dense, designed for elderly people with limited appetite. They are a bit pricey but for a couple of weeks to get her over the hump they might work (especially if they are "doctor's orders"?)

https://wiltshirefarmfoods.com/about-our-food/puree-meals-level-4

I know your mum doesn't have dementia but it is common with dementia sufferers not to eat if they can't see food. We used to leave open tubs with biscuits in for my dad in the sitting room and bedroom. If he noticed them he would eat them might be worth a try.

She gets Wiltshire Farm Foods meals, she has quite a few in the freezer so when I ask her if she wants me to bring anything for dinner she'll say "no, no, I have meals in the freezer, I'll have one of them" and then doesn't. I think she would be hugely offended by the puree meals because she's not so old that she can't chew and also wouldn't eat them (I wouldn't eat them, they look pretty horrible). The Ensure juices just look like small drinks so are more likely to be drunk by her and less likely to trigger her defences.

You can get plant based Fortisip drinks. No idea what they taste like though.

You can also get forti juice, which is more like squash.

We had the same problem when Mum stopped eating any significant amount after a fall, just had to encourage her to eat, when it finally got to a point where we had to have supplements, GP gave fortisip drinks initially which she took but didn’t really do anything, one GP refused to give anything as he said it was part of growing old, needed a nurse practitioner to eventually prescribe a wider range of protein yogurt, drinks etc, but sadly all came too late for her

if you make a fruit smoothie, you could put peanut butter in it too. it is very high calorie with protein too - often used for feeding people who have survived a famine.

so any recipe that has peanut butter in would be good for her.

When you DM is a bit more recovered from her Chest Infection I'd have a think about what you are willing to do to support her and then talk to her about her own DM and how you think it's time for maybe a Cleaner and a Gardener? Once she has those they usually seem more willing to accept more help when it's needed.

How suitable is her home? Has she thought about moving to a retirement village whilst she's still able to enjoy the activities?

My DM was finding it an effort to eat recently but would pick at things eg toast, chunks of cheese, ham or egg sandwich, crisps, cake etc.

Don't give up on the soup, because she will be low on salt if she is not eating! Try a clear soup, like a beef broth, but put in a cup. She might be having issues with dexterity, and using a spoon could be an issue.
Trying having one in front of her.

When DH lost his appetite during chemo, I’d make up tiny plates of nibbles for him between meals - things like chocolate gingers, cashew nuts, dried figs, dates, chunks of halva, chunks of good cheese. They’d usually be gone a couple of hours later.

Thanks all, I have dropped off a few different Ensure flavours, some ready chopped fruit and a few bars of her favorite chocolate. She seems a little perkier today and assured me that she would microwave one of her frozen dinners, although I doubt that she did.

Are we talking fork mashable here? Dad would have fillet of salmon - cooked in tin foil in the oven, not fried which hardens the skin surface and makes it harder to swallow - on a bed of ready-made mash from the oven too, and a dollop of mayo in the last years of his life. Oh, we had to remove the black skin latterly. Problem was, it did become repetitive and I should have thought of other things. Also, it won't do massive harm to buy a food processor which can make it puree as and when. It may be all puree eventually, but if a person gets ill or has a UTI then they may have to be on puree for a few days then back on the fork mash, so you needn't feel in buying one you are 'giving in' to the idea they're on the way out. It's better to be prepared.

Pricey? You can get two fillet of salmon for under a fiver in Lidl or Tesco, the mash can be got for a quid in Sainsbury's (they also do swede mash) and lasts 2-3 sittings, and the jar of mayo can be got cheap home-brand in Waitrose for £1.50.
Dad would wolf this down by himself - but latterly I was spoon-feeding and it would take two hours, don't know how it took that long but it did
Lindt milk chocolate is a good one, not too hard or bitter. Not cheap then again it's poverties - £2.60 and if they eat it in one sitting, that's weight gain.

It's not that she can't chew, it's that she has no appetite and doesn't want to eat, so she doesn't need puree or soft stuff. Anyway, she is feeling a lot perkier today and is even heading out into the garden, and did have a roll with ham for lunch. So I think we're moving away from the really difficult stage.

Thanks all.