Not sure about NG tube for my father......

[TheSingingBean]

My 88 year old father fell and had a bleed on the brain resulting in a stroke.

He is currently in hospital and has failed his swallow assessment (though he has managed a little water by mouth). The doctors are talking about fitting a NG tube and then covering his hands with mittens to keep him from pulling it out.

He lives in residential care and until the stroke had a reasonable quality of life. The stroke has affected him badly and it's difficult to know how much he understands. I have POA for health & welfare.

I've asked for a meeting with the doctor tomorrow. I'm struggling with the ethics of either agreeing to the tube or asking them to withhold it. I am fearful that his life could be prolonged rather than improved, and I know he would not want a lengthy and protracted decline if his current level of impairment is not likely to improve.

Does anyone have experience of this? I feel torn between consenting to an invasive procedure that may only prolong his suffering and denying him the means of nutrition which is in effect a death sentence.

Sorry,

Just because we can save someone's life, doesn't mean we should, but it's a brave decision in this litigation filled world, to give anything less than 100% of the treatments available. You get doctors in particularly struggle a bit with this

Just remind them gently that it's not always about life at any cost, and that there is a definite place for care and comfort. It's an active decision, it's not giving up

Sounds like you are on the same page now, which is great.

In terms of fluid, I would ask for sub cut fluids, which are absorbed under the skin. It's just to stop someone feeling thirsty which can be very unpleasant, but won't really prolong life. No real need for food, he won't be hungry. Sips of water as he wants them.

Low bar for decent painkillers if there's any suspicion of pain, and agitation can be a manisfestation of this. Syringe driver if needed.

For what it's worth, I think you're making the right decision

Take care x

You know your Dad best and I guess that, like most people, he would want his last days to be a comfortable as possible. I refused a feeding tube for my mum. She had fluids and painkillers by Iv. When she first had a stroke they tried to feed her but she turned her head away. This told me everything I needed to know.

The hospital were very supportive. She had fluids only and survived 6 weeks in a sort of comatose state. She suffered no distress at all. The only thing I wish I had done differently was to ask for the fluids to be stopped earlier. When I made the request to the Doctor, she said that the time was right,
I hope you get some comfort from knowing you are doing your best for your dad.

Hi. My Dad had medical intervention and was 'brought back from the brink'. He died four months later, but those four months were difficult and miserable. It would have been much, much kinder if he had just slipped away initially.
It is a big regret.

My dad has it written in his notes, agreed between home, doctor and me, no hospital (except for acute trauma eg compound fracture). Too late for your aunt, sadly, but might be helpful to others to know this is possible

Thanks all for sharing your stories and lessons. Currently having to make difficult decisions for DF and MN has been a godsend of information and experiences.

If anyone is still reading I just wanted to update that my father passed away peacefully this morning, with family at his bedside.

Much quicker than we thought, for which I am very grateful. A gentle end.

Thanks to everyone that posted, I appreciated the support and now know we made the right decision, which is a great comfort.

I’m so sorry to hear of your dad’s passing. You made the right decisions from a place of love and I am glad your dad had a peaceful death. Take care of yourself x

I'm so sorry to hear of your loss. But I'm glad for him, and your family, that it was quick and peaceful, and you will always be able to take comfort in knowing that you made the right decision for his end of life care.

Sorry to hear about the death of your father.

You'll always know you made the right decision and he didn't suffer longer than he needed to.

Sending you all love for the coming weeks.

I'm sorry to hear about the loss of your father. You absolutely did do the best thing for him,by allowing him a peaceful,gentle death. It is a gift that most of us hope to be given.

Just came across this post, i was in the same situation as you, after my Mum had a stroke, and i asked them not to put the NG tube in. She was placed on end of life care, and passed away 3-4 weeks later.
This was almost 7 years ago now, and i'm glad i made that decision for her.
Sorry for your loss x

Sorry for your loss op but pleased it wasn't prolonged and was peaceful.

Sending love to you and your family.

I’m sorry for your loss OP.

I'm sorry for your loss

For what it's worth I think you made the right decision. My late DF told me several times of his wishes to not have his life prolonged should anything similar happen to him, for which I was grateful as of course it is a very difficult decision when you are suddenly faced with it.

Take care.

I'm glad to hear it was peaceful and not prolonged. Very similar decision made for my 88 year old dad 5 years ago. All best wishes to you as a family. 💐

Very glad to hear he had a peaceful end, and dragged on for weeks or months. I hope it’s a comfort to you, to know you did the kindest thing. 💐