Mother facing surgery

[RosesAndHellebores]

She's good, quite fit and still very sharp at 87. However she will shortly have a TAVI to replace a faltering heart valve. It's not too invasive but probably an overnight stay but in a London teaching hospital. It's about 80 miles away for her.

Lots of pre-op tests and appointments which are perplexing her a bit. I'll visit this week and get all the letters in order for her and draw up clear timetables with contact names and phone numbers. I'm booking an hotel near the hospital for her for the night before the pre-op as the appointments at 9.15 with a blood test at 8.30.

The blood test really threw her. She had to book it on-line, she tried six times and couldn't do it. She phoned to try to make it directly and they refused. Telling her to deal with it on line or get someone else to do it. She was very upset. She had me. I did it in about 30 seconds. But it seems wholly unreasonable. What happens to 87 year olds who don't have anyone.

What happens to people without any money? She's had to attend appointments all over her county, tests for this and that at different hospitals - step can drive her locally. They'll have train fares and probably three nights in an hotel (she has step, who's a bit of a liability). All up I reckon they'll run up expenses of £600-£700. What on earth do people with no money do?

Just needed a bit of a rant about the blood test. Without the surgery, she has 12-18 months as heart failure will develop.

have pm you

@LuluBlakey1 I am sorry about your mum

Thank you. Still miss her every day.

It's not just the NHS that makes it hard for people with poor eyesight and/or hearing and who aren't very computer literate/can't manage a smartphone with their fingers. It's becoming more and more impossible for older people to run their lives. My FIL was sorting everything before he died unexpectedly almost 20 years ago: it's increasingly tricky for my parents. The difference was that FIL could go into/write letters to banks and building societies and dealt with most bills by post or phone. Not possible now.

I do apologise for my comment and I hope it wasn't made in ignorance - DH didn't have a GA but a sedative, and is very usually healthy/well. He had a large bleed from the groin where they'd placed the catheter wire which wasn't expected and involved a clamp being fitted for 24 hours so he wasn't discharged same day, and awful chest pains from the procedure where they'd poked the wires around. We weren't expecting how unwell he would be from what was described as a fairly minor procedure and not open heart surgery. He barely had the strength to get back to the car in the car park when I picked him up. He was 58 like I said, and it took him at least a month to feel as "normal" as he ever does! I just meant in terms of preparation OP that your Mum may need quite a lot of support afterwards, even though it may be deemed as a minimally invasive procedure.

I hope it goes well for her.

@FruitBat53 I am sorry for your dh's experience. I know the recovery period may be hard for them to navigate and am prepared for spending a period at theirs, to do the running and keep up spirits. Despite their computer difficulties they have broadband and I can work from theirs as easily as from mine.

They either catastrophise or minimise so it can be hard to know what's going on. Step is waiting for a knee replacement and some hernia repairs and I am well aware that help will be needed if mother is on less than 4 cylinders.

If I have to buy in some care I shall.

None of it helped by the fact that I have always said my epitaph will read "she tried to please her mother".

I've checked out the hotel and its juxtaposition to the station and hospital. All good and they are pleased. Done something right at last.

It is awful and the same for most things. Everything has to be done online. My job involves helping elderly people with benefit applications etc and there are so many who can't make any applications online. The councils used to have forms for housing benefit and council tax applications but now they won't send them out and just tell the client to call us ( a charity ) instead. just recently people have been told they can no longer even apply for a Blue Badge by form and it has to be done online, photo and medical evidence uploaded etc. So a lot end up not bothering and we have huge waiting lists as so many need help and all the funding for people to be paid to work through our charity has dried up. My dad is 85 and I'm really lucky he is very computer literate and can sort things himself but so many can't. Many GP's also going to online booking for appointments, blood tests etc.

It sounds very ageist to me. I am very concerned for the older population, having to navigate online matters, that they are just not familiar with, very unfair and causes unnecessary stress. Surely some common sense should be applied. Wishing your mum all the best with her procedure.

@Roselilly36 that made me smile. I'm 63 and finding contemporaneous views re age on MNet concerning. My age group is the original demographic of MNet. I find it quite sad.

It’s not just mental difficulties online, it’s physical difficulties too. Buttons to small for quavery fingers, poor eyesight.Desktops are easier than mobiles, but apps where they want you to upload a photo are based round mobiles - eg there are apps that want you to take a picture NOW and upload it for security purposes, easy on a phone, not so easy on a desktop.

And, dear banks,what do you suggest I do when my query isn’t something basic covered by your FAQs or recognised by the limited voice recognition of your bot? That’s why we need branches, not because we’re stupid.

Agree the issue is not about age - its about excluding significant portions of the population. Accessibility is shockingly bad on many government services and frequently requires relatively recent versions of operating systems.

In health and welfare this can exclude the most vulnerable groups as they cannot navigate physically or have learning or language difficulties. Who could forget the roll out of UC services online only and requiring a version of internet explorer which was out of support? Or forcing people to upgrade perfectly functional phones as the app is only maintained for recent versions of the operating system?

In the case of healthcare, it renders "free at the point of access" pretty moot - the most vulnerable patients too often cannot get access.

That’s really appalling about having to book the test online when she couldn’t. It warrants a complaint. I’ve heard of people with dementia refused alternatives to eg check in screens at GP surgeries. Complain complain complain if this happens to you or a relative.

Hello @RosesAndHellebores hope you don't mind me asking how your mum got on? Mine is 82 and is on the TAVI pathway. She's more frail than your mum, but still has all her marbles, drives, uses the internet, gets out and about, does the ironing, cooking, etc. and is keen to have the procedure. Next step is a CT scan in a few weeks which will be used to assess suitability and scope the operation. The TAVI nurse has said she'll need to stay overnight before the op and luckily she's only half an hour's drive from the hospital.

Hi @Needtosoundoffandbreathe . Mother recovered well from the TAVI and her echocardiograms, etc, have indicated the op was a resounding success.

However, the dizzy spells and aura that she suffered beforehand and were put down to the heart being less efficient did not go away. She then developed a tremor in jer left hand and arm that is now evidwnt in the right. She doesn't go out alone any more and has become increasingly frail and anxious and became a little deoressed after the TAVI. This is a frequent occurrence I understand. The depression and anxiety were treated with Sertraline and therapy but the dizziness never went away.

The tremor was investigated as suspected Parkinsons and the brain scan indicated a meningioma at the front of the brain and some empty spaces due to silent strokes. There is nothing to be done and her co dition will be progressive. For now she remains as sharp as a tack but dementia is exoected to follow. She no longer cooks due to the tremor and if itnweren't for step would need care.

With hindsight, the meningioma was existent prior to the aortic stenosis and explains some of the symptoms that were put down to it.

Would she have a TAVI again? Yes absolutely. Without it she'd be dead now and the last two years have been full of good and social times. Hopefully there may be a couple more where she can still enjoy life. For an 89 year old, she's still pretty tickety boo and looks great.

I have been as frank as possible and hope my answer is not upsetting for you.

That's really helpful @RosesAndHellebores and I'm sorry to hear your mum has other health issues. She's a great age. My own mum has slowed down quite a lot and after being at two different consultant appointments with her it sounds as though her slowing down means the stenosis symptoms aren't as pronounced as they might be otherwise. I'm not sure what's behind this with my mum - she's had a few injuries from random accidents over the last few years which I think are making her more cautious. She struggles with inclines and stairs unless there's a handrail. I think I'll explore this with her to find out what's going on.

Agree its bad. Dad is also 87 and can struggle with online stuff. MinL would not attempt it.

I think there should be more safeguards to enable ppl to continue to be able to access services in the way they want. Ie by phone or whatever.
I imagine it will take a case where someone bring press attention to the situation to get this to be law.

Anyone of state pension age with health issues can apply for attendance allowance, it is not means tested.
Money can be spent on anything to make life easier
So for example could be spent on hotels, travel, recovery from the surgery

Apply here
https://www.gov.uk/attendance-allowance

@FreeCimemacode952 I applied for mother about two weeks ago. It was a monumental form. Fingers crossed. If mother gets it, step is then also able to apply for carers' allowance. The two combined would provide for a cleaner and gardener which would mean he could focus on mother, and not get exhausted. If he keels over, they would probably need multiple carers and I'd have to give up work which would mean less revenue going into the state bucket.

She highly likely has underlying diseases, you just don’t know they exist yet. My dad died early seventies. He looked amazing. Had walked my dog on the moors the same day he was admitted to hospital, fit, able, independent, extremely slim, living his normal life. Most would have said ‘Ah he is fitter than most 50 year olds’ but it is just NOT true. It just seems that way. He was dead weeks later from severely blocked arteries. Any cardiologist will tell you an 87 year old has knackered blood vessels and hardening of the arteries. You just haven’t had any symptoms show up yet with your mother. My point is - saying someone who is 87 is like a 70 year old is a bit silly. They might be able to lead their life like they are, but under the bonnet things are old and worn out. I’d question an operation like this at this age.

She’s definitely NOT fitter than most 40 year olds. This is denial.

@user555999000 may I suggest you read my later post. Mother is now 89.

I am very sorry about your father.