Help - new to all this and really struggling

[rosebud5678]

My 93 yr old DM was discharged a week ago following a hip fracture caused by a fall. She has the standard care package of 4 carers a day which I think will be OK. However, she really does need someone with her overnight too, as she is waking a couple of times, often frightened, disoriented and needing painkillers. So far my brother and I have taken it in turns, but we are both due to return to work within the next week and live 1-2 hours drive away.

I would love to hear from anyone who has successfully used an overnight carer. I have no idea how to find a reputable agency but time is running out and we need a plan. I am aware that it is an expensive option but hopeful that it will be a short term problem.

The other question I have is that the carers have told me that people often continue to pay the carers directly when the initial 6 week period ends, rather than paying agency rates. Is this normal? It sounds good in theory but what about cover for sickness etc?

If there is anyone out there who can help I'd be so grateful. My mum was so active and mobile before her fall, this has all come as a terrible shock. I am permanently emotional, physically drained and not sleeping, yet trying to hold everything together on the outside.

Thanks so much.

Anyone?

Sorry I can't help but posting will give you a bump! This is probably quite a quiet board so if no one else replies, you could report your first post and asked to be moved to elderly parents which is slightly more active, or chat which is very active.

There's usually quite a lot of traffic on the Elderly Parents board, I suggest posting there.

Is she going to be a self-funder e.g more than £23,250 in savings?

Overnight care can come in very expensive so financially she'd be better off having live in care to then include the 4 calls and overnight.

If she's not a self-funder and social services need to pay then it's unlikely they'd pay for that level of care if a care home would be cheaper. She'd qualify with night time needs.

As PP said, the elderly parents board is the best place for this.

Thanks - will ask for the thread to be moved.

Are the 4 visits a day being arranged by the hospital? I would mention your concerns to them and see what they suggest.

OP I'm going to link your thread on the (bizarrely named) Cockroach cafe to see if you can get some advice. The carer bypassing the agency, I have no clue. I'm really sorry you're going through this.

You need to find out what they are doing when they come as well. For my MIL they just prepared food and helped with meds, made her a flask of tea.
we employed someone to clean and shop and DH went every weekend (and his sibling who lived 5 minutes was useless).

Overnight care I think might get very expensive very quickly. I imagine she is set on being in her own home?

I can’t comment on the funding side but be prepared that the care needs no longer return to what they were and to consider putting a more permanent solution in place.
Do either you or your brother have power of attorney just in case?

The overnight waking could be related to anaesthesia as it takes a good while to clear in elderly people; or it could be related to the medication she's on. Whatever the reason, she's not safe to be left alone. My Dad has got liver cancer, he's just ending a respite stay in a hospice and is transferring to a nursing home as nights were the worst time for him. Even with sedatives, they've struggled to manage his confusion and attempts to wander.

I think what I'm saying is that a night carer may be a temporary solution to a permanent problem. Would she be better in a care home/nursing home for a period of recovery with the end goal to get her back home if she recovers?

Thanks all. I am well aware that this may be the start of a whole new phase, but am trying to remain optimistic for now. Mum has an outpatients appointment next week, so we should get an update on her recovery, and a clearer idea of what we are dealing with. I am going to start the POA process tomorrow.I forgot to mention that she caught Covid in hospital too, which may account for some of the tiredness and brain fog. Luckily a cleaner is already in place. I spoke to a local agency this morning who can provide overnight care but obviously it's expensive. I'm hoping it will be a short term issue as she regains some confidence and independence. My eldest daughter is also lodging with her short term so will be in the house some nights, but I am adamant that there is absolutely no expectation for her to get involved in any of this. However, she can at least do some laundry and shopping while she is around. I really do appreciate all your advice, so thanks again.

Does your dm have a social worker? Adult social services may be able to help or signpost services.
carers uk can also help or age uk

I'd stick with trying to make it work in her own home for now, she'd only be more disorientated somewhere else.

I would also stick to going through the agency. Yes I'm sure some people end up directly employing carers originally from an agency but if you do it openly it will cost a lot in fees.

Do you have a power of attorney for finances? Do you know what money your DM has got available?

I think having your daughter around some of the time is great - she'll be able to get a general feel for how it's working and how your DM is.

I hope you'll visit your own GP. I think most of us will say that the times when our elders are in an unstable situation and confused are the hardest times of all.