Coping with the bit where your parents are still alive, but not emotionally part of your life

[CMOTDibbler]

Bit odd this one. My parents are still physically here, but mum has dementia and no interest in anyone, or speech to express it if she did recognise me, and I speak to dad every day but its all for him and he's not interested beyond the very superficial about me/dh/ds.

In the other day when I was having a bit of a wobble, I realised that the only people really interested in me and my life were dh and ds.
I know this is more than some people have, but being in this place where so much of my life and emotional energy is taken up with my parents with no recriprication is really hard.

Any words of wisdom?

Thanks twenty
I've tried photos, he just nodded off. He's not that interested. But some indoor plants is a good idea! And yes I could read to him. At least it would keep me amused and I'm sure he'd like it even if he wasn't following closely.

I'll be back but yes. It's like being an orphan with them still here. I felt like it was a transitional state. Gone but still here. Tough time

This is something that I also struggle with- my Mum has been in and out of hospital since Xmas and my Dad is only interested in himself. I have had some very bad anxiety issues since last year which have made me feel very ill- and have not been helped by my Mums situation and the way that my Dad has dealt with it. I have said nothing to either of them regarding my problems as just feel that they are not interested and dont need the worry. That doesnt help me or help them understand why I cant deal with everything. I have had to take a step back recently because it has all become too much and I am heading the wrong way again (panic attacks returning) .

Sorry oldguygirl. But please heed the warning and put yourself first. You can only be any use to others if you do that. Take care. And rant away here.

I am going through this too.

DM is currently being diagnosed with dementia, but the GP seems to think it's quite far gone already. She has always been in her own world and has never been that close to me, especially since I moved out and away 32 years ago. She has never really engaged that much with my life and found it all a bit too full-on (we are sooo different!), so I am used to that, but obviously it is getting worse and worse. you can have a conversation with her on her terms, ie what's happened at the Home, but never asking us anything re ourselves, grandchildren, great grandchildren etc

I am the only relative (other than her also aging brother and his family who are lovely, but not at all close to her) but I live 200 miles away which makes it even more difficult to sort stuff out. She is quite happy pottering about in her house, but gets very panicky if something in her routine changes or if something breaks down, etc. And very cross at people now asking her questions that she can't remember the answer to!

I also find myself feeling overwhelmed with a sense of responsibility at times and sometimes wake in the night panicking.

Thank you so much for this thread. My father died at 98 two years ago after two years in a home with increasing dementia two years before that. I dreaded visiting and seeing my formerly dapper , professional, gentlemanly world war 2 Air Force veteran father father reduced to a shuffling anxious nappy wearing infant. It was obscene and I was relieved when he died. The sadness has crept up on me subsequently which underlines how complicated this type of grieving is .

I am the one relative left and am now going through the same thing with my narcissistic mother who has never asked me about my life. I changed my phone recently and should have ensured speakerphone. Speakerphone is you r frien ladies. I reckon a good 20 years of this ahead of me. She is much younger.

I drink far too much to cope with it all and hate myself.

I have a full time responsible professional job and no partner. This thread is like a virtual hug.

Joining you on this thread. Just listening for now. My heart goes out to you all.

Imagine a real hug Words.

Thank you cmot. (Weeps) It's so hard and complicated. One of my cats gets it and snuggles under the duvet with me and pats my face with his paw. I adore him!