what is wrong with my Mum?

[hellymelly]

she's in hospital at the mo, with a broken leg. She had a stroke a few years ago. She is 81. Anyway, she's been getting more confused for want of a better word. She is convinced that she has been on a day trip with all the other people on the ward, other things like that. However, the doc said she's been assessed and she did really well on the memory test, he said better than some of the nurses would, so he was baffled and surprised when db told him about the confused patches. We are worried as my Dad died in September and she is alone at home now, and it would be good to know what might be going on. Anyone experienced anything similar?

She saw a psychiatrist yesterday. I saw her on Saturday and she seemed low (understandable), rather distracted and bothered by the other women on the ward, and sometimes confused. The psychiatrist feels she has something called "derealisation", in response to the traumas of losing Dad and the fall. She said it was quite common, and that it meant Mum was mixing up reality and non-reality. I don't know, I didn't speak to her, DB did, so I didn't get to chat about it, but although I can see elements of that in my Mum I also think maybe there is something else going on- the above poster who described her mum's post-stroke vascular dementia, that sounds very like the way Mum is now. We still haven't been given a date for a meeting with the team, and they seem to be making more steps towards a discharge. She wouldn't be safe alone at home in her present state, so I am panicking slightly about what happens next.

I haven't any experience about post hospital discharge but my Mum had help from the Reablement team who usually kick in after hospital discharge. I think if they are trying to push towards discharge then you need to make it very clear that you consider her unable to live safely on her own and will not be able to be responsible for her safety and push towards a meeting to discuss her future needs. Sorry you are going through this.

uti?

My PIL both had hip replacements and were both incredibly confused after surgery, but improved and got back to their 'old selves' once home.

They did find that FIL had low sodium levels, which apparently can affect the memory, and he was LOADS better when this was corrected.

Hope you're ok.

I know your DM hasn't been diagnosed with Dementia, but I had a look at Age UK's website for information. They suggest contacting health service providers, social services and thinking about getting a Power of Attorney sorted, so that you can start making decisions when your DM is unable to do this for herself.

www.ageuk.org.uk/health-wellbeing/conditions-illnesses/dementia/help-and-support7/

I think it is at least worth speaking to your mother's GP and asking what type of help is available to her, and you. I really feel for you, it must be difficult for you, knowing that your mother has been in hospital for over a month and shows no sign of improvement.

Mum has (at last) agreed to power of attorney, so that will hopefully be started soon. DB and I had it with Dad, so we are familiar with the process etc. She was falling victim to loads of scams at home, the kind of thing where they tell you that you will get a cheque for x amount, you just need to send them £100 or whatever to release the money. We've returned all her junk mail and put db's voice on her telephone, routing through to him at the moment. She had a pile over a foot high of dodgy scam type mailouts.
DB said she was much brighter when he saw her earlier this week, she is worse when tired. The reablement team have been taken off and social services put on to her case instead, so hopefully all will be sorted to keep her safe at home. We are also thinking of a temporary stay in an old people's home while we find somehwhere for her to live near me or DB, possibly a warden supervised type of thing. At the moment she is just so vulnerable, and although she's been told she must not go upstairs when she goes home, there is no doubt in my mind that she will do it when home alone, and that is a huge fall risk as the stairs are steep. . Thanks for all the kind messages all.

To update for all you kind people who posted, and in case anyone else is going through similar:
After much badgering we finally got a repeat psych assessment. The original one felt she was basically fine, even though they'd had a long chat about her stay in the hospital in her home town. (There is no such place, but the psych didn't know that and was somewhat embarrassed I think). Anyway the new guy thinks she has some vascular dementia, post stroke, but also the beginnings of Lewy body. My Dad had this as a result of Parkinsons, can't quite get my head round another parent with the same thing, as it was pretty grim. She will also start to develop Parks-like symptoms because of the Lewy body. Her gait is already affected, hence the frequent falls. All very upsetting but far better to know. She has gone downhill already though, and may never be able to live alone again. She wants to move into a bungalow near me, at the moment she is moving from hospital to a temp care home place. She was sent home from hospital a few weeks ago, and lasted less than 24 hours before she had to press her alarm as she fell and couldn't get up. So she's there again. I'm still hoping she might get a year or so in a pretty bungalow with a flower filled garden, but it isn't looking likely. . Her big sister died a couple of days ago, my poor Mum.

I'm so very sorry to hear that you're having such a tough time. I know only too well how sad and frightening it is. Take some comfort from the fact that you're obviously doing your best to ensure that your mum is safe and cared for.

I second what Charlie says. It is awful and I'm going through it with my Dad (Alzheimers), prior to that I was responsible for my Grandad who had Parkinsons and then got cancer too. He stuck it out at home refusing to budge (he had some dementia with the Parkinson's) and when he was finally admitted to hospital the social worker there said she couldn't believe he was still living at home. After that I organised nursing home for him. He didn't like it but there really was no alternative. I think the Parkinson's, and any other form of dementia, causes reduced insight and unrealistic expectations. There comes a point where a relative has to say enough is enough, but it's damn hard.
As Charlie says you are facing up to your responsibilities so shouldn't feel guilty. Easy for me to say though. I am often consummed by guilt.

My Mum is in a care home now, and not liking it. We are waiting for a place to come up in the home close to me, which I think she will like more, and hoping that time there will help us assess whether or not she could cope for another year or so in a home of her own, if it was close to me or my brother. I agree with the guilt, it is so hard, I hate to see her upset. We've had a tricky relationship in many ways but now she is old and so frail I just feel very protective of her and want to make sure she is happy.