Gp's 'mental test' on my 90 year old dm

[Zakinthos]

Questions were :-
What day/month/year is it?
Who is prime minister?
When was the 2nd world war?
Who is reigning monarch?
What is your address?
Subtract 7 from 100, then subtract 7 from your answer and so on.

She did ok (said year was 1912 but corrected herself when gp queried it, knew day and month as she had asked me in waiting room, 1 error with maths which gp let her off.)

Gp says that she 'passed the test' and does not have dementia which is great.
However her short term memory is dire now and gp did not test this really. For example, I gave her her new pack of antibiotics to take. She took one and then literally 30 seconds later, she picked them up and said 'what are these?'. I told her and she said 'have I taken one?'. I have to keep telephoning her to remind her to take the pills. Today, I went round to her house to remind her that 'appetito' were coming with a hot meal (she is trying out this service). We discussed this at length. When I left (20 mins later), I said 'don't forget appetito are coming so don't make anything to eat yourself'. She said 'oh yes, good job you reminded me, I was just going to get some lunch!'

I just worry that this is the start of dementia. Was the test the gp did appropriate? Or is this normal memory loss? Every time I see her she says the same things but is still good with dates things happened (has always been good with dates). She never remembers to tell me when she runs out of things either so I might go round there and find she has no loo roll and is using kitchen towels. I am just finding it very hard to run her life as well as my own (and my dc's). I have to do all her finances now, shopping, cleaning in between cleaner visits as she will only have a cleaner once a fortnight, reading her post (as eyesight very bad), take her to appts etc. and I work as well part-time. How do other people cope? She is still able to wash and dress herself so does not need a carer.

Sympathies about the cleaner .

Like yours my mum can't see the mess so not aware .
Plus she finds it an intrusion so we had to give up on the idea .

But I realise now that what really worried her was having someone in who moved stuff or didn't leave it in exactly the same spot .
And of course that's because she can't see ...so something to bear in my mind .

How about a soft start on the cleaner by thinking of specific things that you want the cleaner to do - like have a go at the kitchen cupboards (or something else) and selling your mum on that ?

I am trying to persuade mine to have a gardener as their gardens are running riot and are far too much for them. But dad is digging his heels in - though mum was more receptive. A cleaner is the next step as the house is rank

Sympathies from me too. Could you sell it as helping you out? Don't give up. I'm now real listing I need to get my dm to accept others not just me.... Not easy but persisting is vital. What about time for you? You must put your needs up the list too.

I hadn't thought that she might be resisting the cleaner as she doesnt want things moved - that could be the case although I suggested the cleaner doing things like changing the bed linen (as she doesn't change it often enough!) but she doesn't want her to do that either!

She does have a gardener though as I was firm about that - I never have time to do my own garden let alone hers!

Its odd isn't it Zak ?

My mum is like that not wanting things done ,she barely allows me to .

My mums place is very small and a lot of it I think is she can't bear the noise and movement around her - a bit like if you're ill in bed and want peace and quiet and to be left alone .

But who knows what it must feel like being them ,old ,tired ,relenquishing power and control .

That's great news Zak, your gp appointment was a success. Mine keep getting things started and then nothing happens, eg dosset boxes. I have been asking for the pharmacy to put everything in them for ages and it's just not

I like your idea to ask her the question back, eg 'what time do you think I said last time'. I got into a huge bustup with my Mum because some eejit doctor wrote a lit of meds down for her but didn't date it or sign it which she had sitting there for months, but which she told me she picked up the other day. She is now telling me she doesn't trust my memory. Great.

Add to that we have 5 people going in and talking to her about her meds (she asks), despite me putting everything in a book, everyone else seems to know better than me, or the record book.

We are on holiday at present for a week (back tomorrow) but I'm phoning dm daily. She seems to be coping ok and has remembered when appetito (hot delivered meal service) are coming too thanks to large note on fridge written in huge writing with a thick black marker!! (thanks for that tip Ginger!). She confessed that she is not using her oven to heat up her ready meals on other days though (just having cold meals' such as quiche and salad). I need to find out whether she just can't light the oven now (new model of oven) or whether she just doesn't have the energy to cope with this anymore.
I feel rejuvenated after our break however, and feel ready to cope with things now. I'm going to book an appointment with a solicitor next week about the power of attorney and order some useful things from the rnib shop which should help her.
Thanks everyone

Good going Zak .

achillea with the blister pack for meds ,it starts with the GP doing the prescriptions in a different way .
I think they have to print off and sign a whole pile of prescriptions - so instead of a prescription that says 28 bisoprolol ,28 x 80mg fruesmide etc it will be for a week and say 7 x bisoprolol ,7 x frusemide etc ..

Can you get the receptionist and or/pharmacy to pester the GP to set this up ?

I find that after many requests about things a letter of complaint sometimes works .

I do sympathise with you about your mum - mine trusts no one and always blames someone else for any misunderstanding or misshap .

She never misshears - the radio " got it wrong " ,she never mislays anything " someones moved it "
.
Sounds trivial but her relentless mistrust and inability to accept advice or acknowledge that sometimes she doesn't know best ,wear me down .

With the blister pack, my parents pharmacy sorted it all out with the GP - I think they have to approve it as it does cost money for the pharmacy to do it.

If the pharmacy isn't helpful, then is it possible to change to another ? Boots do a home care packaging for medication as well as the blister pack which has more info in it. But its made a huge difference to my mum (and my dad who no longer frets about her oding/picking them out) in spite of some resistance.

Yes yes to huge difference .
My mother is so much better physically .
So worth persuing .

So good to hear that I'm not the only person with a cantankerous mother, it was really getting me down as we have had 3 bereavements in the family within four years and I haven't wanted to upset her yet she has made me feel desperately inadequate by denying help from me and then badmouthing me to my remaining siblings and their partners.

I will definitely pursue the weekly arrangement - I have asked before but they ignored it.