Terrible school report today

[QueenEagle]

ds2 brought his report home today and I am horrified at it.

Comments include:

"finds it hard to play with other children"

"can't ampathise with his peers"

"rude and confrontational with teachers"

"does not have a good understanding of, or attitude towards school rules and the potential for explosive behaviour is always in the background"

What the hell do I do now?

Great, glad you got a meeting sorted. When is it? That will be the first step in resolving this. Your DS sounds like a lot of boys, maybe just a tad more exuberant? Esp if he is clashing with the teacher. Surely the school should be working with you on this for their benefit as well as your DS.

Agree with the others a list of questions is definitely the way to go. It will help you keep your cool (if your anything like me lol) and make sure all issues are dealt with. I think also that the school should confirm in writing what has been agreed as the way forward- maybe an addendum to the report with clarification. Also is it possible under the freedom of information act to see the report they will end to middle school?
Good luck

Yes I will def be asking to see what report is being sent to middle school and any other information they have about him. I am waiting to hear from the school for an actual appointment time.

He does get on with his teacher; what tends to happen is that ds irritates other children by doing silly, repetitively annoying things. Then, ds won't listen and take on board what the annoyed kids are telling him. Things then escalate into a slanging match and my ds gets all het up and loses his rag. His teacher can usually spot when he is going to blow, and steps in to divert the potential for ds "exploding". On the couple of occasions I have spoken to his teacher, he has told me that ds is learning to take himself away from the thick of things and calm down, then come back to carry on. All sorted, and handled well in the end with no need for ds to lose it.

So, I have been led to believe that ds is handling things well and have not had reason to talk with the teacher for some time now, so I naturally believed that all was going well. Now the bombshell of his report and I feel really angry that I haven't been called in to discuss what is clearly a serious problem with ds.

I feel very let down by the school. Which saddens me as all 3 of my older kids have gone through the school and I have always thought it to be excellent.

If you haven't been made aware of all these issues, then I agree, the school has let you down big time.

Good luck with the meeting with the Head - start with his/her interesting comment about the overall report. If was the Head that would get me squirming because it's plain as day they haven't read it.

I have now phoned the school 3 times.

The Head is saying it's nothing to do with her; I must go through the teacher as a first port of call - probably fair enough I'd say.

Message from the teacher - he can't guarantee to see me today, but I have pressed the receptionist to ask him again to see if he will see me after school this afternoon.

QE two issues really - first you're upset because you feel this has been sprung on you. That's fair enough but clearly you did know there was a problem with his behaviour so it hasn't come totally out of the blue. The report has the potential for explosive behaviour is there but it hasn't said he is exploding. From how you have described your son it sounds like fair, if unfortunate, comment.

So main issue - what can you do about the boys behaviour. You need to ask the teacher what strategies they can suggest and if they think professional help is needed. Keep the discussion constructive.

I'd write a note of complaint to the head about their inattention

Look he is nine - a bad school report isn't going to scar him for life. The new school will read the report and think oh god he is one we have to watch and then actually make their own minds up based on what he is actually like when he gets there. Please don't get upset about it! The teacher should have spoken to you about it before, but the thing with reports is eithe they only metnion the postiitve things and then they are meangingless or you wrtie about the child. I am always in the dilema about writing them because if you see the parents about issues before hand then what is the point of writing them. I never write anything too negative in my reports for this very reason!

tatt - I do know that ds can occasionally get himself into a state over something he feels is unjust. The teacher has mentioned it only if i happen to ask at the school gates how things are going, really just so I can pick up on any problems and act on them.

I have never been aware that ds has a disregard for school rules. The report paints a picture of a child who is out of control and dangerous. Now if ds is like that, then of course I want to do all I can to get him abck on track and if that means seeking professional help, so be it.

The issue for me is, how can things be this bad and I was unaware of the severity of his behaviour? Unless the teacher has understated his behaviour on the occasions I have approached him at the gates.

Oh I shall be questioning the Head about her obvious low standards!!

Oh Queen Eagle, it seems like you are having a bad time lately . I understand that you feel like that but I think that Tatt's sugestion is actually very good.

Keep the discusion constructive and concentrate on finding how you and the school can work together to improve the situation of your child. This may not improve the school's current procedures for dealing with children's behaviour, but may help your child to have a more enjoyable and productive time in the school in the near future.

Best of luck with the appointment.

Good luck QE and agree with the keep it positive comments although I agree with you that the school has handled this very badly. In the end you want the best for your son and working on constructive strategies is probably more helpful to him than a guns blazing battle with his school. (do think you are quite justified to be furious though)

When I taught I always believed in telling things as they really were to parents with plenty of positive constructiveness thrown in. Many times I heard of parents who had children with really serious problems saying 'but why did nobody tell me before?' or 'his last teacher said he was fine' when you know damn well his last teacher was tearing her hair out every break time about him! I'm sure this is because so many school reports speak in 'teacher-code' e.g She is an active child who always contributes to class discussions = she never sits still or shuts up. He needs to work on concentration skills= he doesn't listen!

I don't mean to trivialise what you're going through. What I'm saying in a long-winded way was that perhaps this teacher is trying to accurately put down the problems that you had discussed on paper. The problem is that sometimes writing it down can make it seem far more official and severe. Also remember reports are usually written a good month or two before you read them so when problems have improved they can be quite out of date.

Alternatively perhaps the teacher is just a coward who didn't dare tell you to your face or he is just a bad writer who hasn't expressed himself clearly. Either way you are completely right to go and talk it out. Let us know what happens!

shimmy - you wrote this:-

"What I'm saying in a long-winded way was that perhaps this teacher is trying to accurately put down the problems that you had discussed on paper. The problem is that sometimes writing it down can make it seem far more official and severe."

This seems to be exactly what has occurred. I spent half an hour with the teacher this afternoon and we were both completely open and honest about ds2's behaviour. He did accept that having read through it again, he has worded things far more strongly than he realised, and it has come across in a more negative light than he anticipated.

Notwithstanding that, ds2 does display the kind of behaviour outlined but not on a regular everyday basis. The teacher was trying to put across what happens in a worst case scenario.

What he is prepared to do is write an addendum to the report which goes to the middel school putting it more in perspective. He has already had the meeting with the Head of year at the new school highlighting certain problem children to look out for - ds2 is one of those.

I was worried that I would need to seek outside help in dealing with ds2's behaviour, but seems these fears are ungrounded. ds2 is nowhere near as bad as some boys in his class. Whilst this is comforting to know, I recognise that he still needs to be sat down and spoken to, and constructive ways of dealing with his behaviour need to be implemented by me and his dad. So, a tight rein for a while and a close eye, methinks.

....and obviously a good caning and period of time in the corner with a dunces hat.....

Congrats on getting a swift and positive result. And well done for actually getting a teacher to admit they may have been slightly "over zealous" in their efforts to portray a possible future outcome.

Hope all goes well with the sitting down for a serious chat. lol

had you any idea of any of this before the report? If not then the staff should have mentioned it before tou you. How old is he and are you aware of any problems?

sorry when I posted my reply there werent many on then when it came up loads had replied and I see you have seen school!!! I dont understand a head saying its not his problem ...errr its 'his' school isnt it?!!!! Hope all goes well and just keep an eye on things just incase there is an underlaying problem!
a wooden spoon might help!!!!!