How /when to teach kids about sex - all advice wanted...

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Given all the news about this stuff, wanted to explore this.

My parents didn't particularly teach me anything about sex. Fortunately our school sex education was pretty good and I figured it out for myself, with the help of friends/ libraries and girls' magazines.

I always vowed when I had kids it would be different, but now I'm here (kids aged 5 and 3) I probably feel like a lot of people - a bit unprepared for the 'best' way to answer questions/ tell them about things/ discuss things as they get older.

I know they're a bit young, but the 5 yr old is already asking where babies come from, and how they got there. Although I'm not lying ("Mummy's tummy, and "an egg grew in there") nor am I being forthcoming with anything more.

I particularly admire one set of friends of mine who have a very open and honest relationship with their daughters (12 & 14) about contraception/ sex etc.

Just interested to know when/ how those of you with older children addressed it. Did you just chat about things in everyday life, as they came up; did you get a book to read to them; did you sit them down and say "I've got something I want to talk to you about" [cringeworthy.....]

What about the differences for boys vs girls?

Anothe Babette Cole book which I think is helpful for answering questions such as "why have you gor fluff on your bum" - ds aged 2.6 yo looking at me in shower is "Hair in Funny Places" and deals simply with puberty and attraction to the opposite sex. Probably suitable from 6 yo though have read it to dd who is 4.8 mo as she is full of questions and won't be fobbed off with any old tosh

I've been all geared up to answer my 8 yo ds's questions for ages but he never asks. Finally I grabbed my moment last week when he learnt rude song at school. I asked if he understood what 'sex' was and he said 'yes it's kissing'. I exlained that it was a bit more and gave him a simple explanation. He looked at me witheringly and said 'No it's not!'

It's hard being an honest approachable parent with my boy if he doesn't want to hear!

Oh that's quite sweet

Thanks WWB I will say that next time! (I was thinking of something along those lines.) She will of course tell everyone at nursery, half of her friends don't even properly talk yet...

I'm currently reading my four year old The Body Book by Clare Rayner (no idea if it's still in print in the UK - it's one I had as a child). My mum gave it to me when I was about 7 or 8, but ds1 seems to be interested.

It's not all about sex (only one chapter is and it's more geared around how babies are made) - it's all about different functions of the body and written in very simple language. Ds1 was FASCINATED about how food works to help you grow and where wee and poo comes from! And everytime he asked a question, the very next paragraph answered it for him - so it's REALLY well written with a small child in mind.

i agree that the time to tell them is as soon as they ask, as honestly as possible but also in terms that they can understand and with no more detail than they ask for.

i think by 10 all children should be very clear about how babies are made, how their bodies function (in all respects not just sexual), and periods etc.

I have two school agers 8 and 7.I have had to explain in details that i think that they understand about gays and sex.Sadly I was taking my children and a freind home for tea and one of them asked me what rape was because one of the boys in the class had said he had done it(boy only 8 prob heard it somewhere)I tried to explain saying that when a man and lady have sex they both feel thay want to.The friend we had home for tea piped up I know what it is before i could finish.He said that he watches Footballers wifes.Could not belive it.I don't think my boys were interested to know the answer and have never mentioned it since but,I was shocked really.I aslo do think it is just as important to talk to boys about peroids as well as girls.

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My four year old knows that babies grow in tummies, and (I think) that mummies and daddies make them, and that they come out of the mummy's fanny. She finds this last point faintly distasteful and explained to me the other day that she did find coming out quite interesting but didn't want to look round much.

Well, hey, kid, it wasn't a whole hell of a bundle of laughs for me either.

She doesn't seem to have a problem with the fact that some children have two mummies

pmsl@ mi "Not wanting to look around much". Nor did I!

at MI. I do have a problem with my kids that I don't get to use the bathroom in peace. So when its my period I've got dd trying to pull herself up on my trousers which are around my ankles and ds asking all sorts of questions. I have said to him "its just something that happens to ladies" which has to stand as the worst cop-out ever but at least stopped him looking quite so worried. If he was a girl I would try harder to give a better explanation but what do you tell a 4yo boy about periods?

I was thinking of hiring my 4 year old DD to you all to give lessons on this. She recently told her nursery class that babies grow in mummies' tummies - daddy puts them there - and then they come out of mummy's front bottom, eeeuuw, gross, and lifted up her dress to show any more innocent members of the class exactly where the "front bottom" was.

Think she is going to end up as a "kiss and tell" girl in The Sun...

She could do a double act with my four year old, couldn't she, Tanzie.

I feel very sorry for the young men of the future.

My dd asked about pads about2 years ago and I explained them as Mummy nappies for the time mummy needs them. She's 7 and hasn't asked any more.

I tend to correct what she tells me. I.e. she told me babies come out of your tummy. I told her only if things don't go well when you are having the baby otherwise they come out of the bottom. She said like poos. I said no where the wee's come from. She has plenty of time to learn and she'll ask when she's thought of the questions.

My mother sat my down about 9 and I think I was terrified, amazed, embarrassed and horrified all in one go.

I've been thinking about this; because DD1 is getting an idea of the biology, but she's already getting confused about the idea of 'sexiness' from older children, and even asked a while ago, in a very perplexed way, 'when do we get sexy?' DP and I tried in a somewhat, yes, embarrassed way (we were all in the car at the time) to work out what she was asking, and give her a reassuring answer, but I'm already trying to work out for myself how much is 'sexiness is for when you're older' while somehow tackling the barrage of so-called 'sexiness' children of her age are expected to adopt and also the fact that saying 'sexiness' isn't till when you're, say, 16 isn't going to be very helpful at all when she's 13.

my son is in y5 (age 10). The y6 children have just had their sex ed lessons, and I was keen for him to hear it from me, rather than his friends, so I bought him a book, about babies, growing up, and emotions etc, and intended to have a chat! I asked him if he wanted to know about growing up as well, like his y6 friends, but he shrugged his shoulders and said he really wasn't bothered and that 'he was ok at the minute!', so we left it at that, with the book put away for when he is ready. He is not really interested in girls at the moment either, so I will broach the subject later!
On the other hand a friend with a same age daughter has known 'all the facts' for quite a few years, and is very forward with the boys. Her mother blames the fact 'that she knew too much too early' and swears she will be pregnant at 16! I think in hindsight I will wait until my son is ready to know.