I've been reading "Toxic childhood" and one thing concerns me.

[mummyloveslucy]

Hi, I'm reading the book Toxic childhood at the moment after finnishing Detoxing childhood. I'm finding it so interesting and insightfull.
I'm realising the more I read the book that we as a family are giving our daughter the best start in life, everything it sugests as being the most important things a child needs to reach their potential, we've been doing naturally since her birth. We talk with her all the time, give her undevided positive attention, she spends a lot of time out doors charging around in the fresh air. She eats well, sleeps well and is genrally turning in to an extreamly loving, caring and out going little girl.
The one thing that's worrying me slightly is that she has quite a severe speech disorder and throughout the book it says how poor speech is mainly caused by toxic childhood syndrome, and teachers are seing it more and more. It gives suggestions of how to overcome this, such as talking and listening, singing, reading, etc.
We've been doing all of this since she was born, far more than any other parents I know. My daughter loves music and can remember whole songs off by heart, we also love books and traditional story telling. She also makes up stories for us and puts in loads of expression, different voices for different charictors and always finnishes with a bow.
She has a genuine desire to communicate and a love of language but something is holding her back.
She's due to start primary school in January 2010, and I don't want the teachers to think that we somehow caused her problem. I spoke to her speech therapist about this and she said that our daughter gets more support from her family than any other child she see's which was nice, but I'm just a bit concerned that her new teacher won't realise how dedicated we are, or how eager our daughter is to learn.
I don't want my daughter to be held back by her speech, and I'd like the school to know that we will support our daughter and the school 100% with out sounding like a pushy parent, which couldn't be further from the truth.

So according to that book am I also responsible for my sons autism?

Can you explain how the book says that speech disorders are caused by toxic child syndrome?

I think teachers fairly quickly get the measure of which children are supported positively at home. They won't simply make such assumptions especially if her SEN are well communicated.

DS is in speech therapy and is dyslexic
He knows he loved and cherished supported in every way .
I do not view myself as toxic

Throw the book away

It dosn't say speech disorders, it says poor speech. They say it's caulsed by too much T.V and limitted conversation with parents etc.

It dosn't mention Autism, but surely no one could blame anyone for that. It's cause is unknown.

Put that book down! And forget about it.

It is quite upsetting when it says that children with poor speech don't do as well in school, have difficulties in this and that and are more likely statistically to turn to crime when they're older.
It says "you owe it to your child!".

I just thought that if teachers se it that way too, then they'll think we haven't bothered.

MLL its too simplistic to blame the parents. Yes of course children benefit form being read to, played with, etc but there are so many other factors including neurological ones that parents have nothing to do with (other than genetics). Some parents can be doing all the right things and getting no results in regards to their children's speech whilst others have good talkers and make far less effort.

Throw the book in the bin. I am sure the teachers will love your DD. Teachers can tell fairly quickly if the children come from a loving and supportive home where parents are supportive of their education, because it tends to make their job easier.

Please put that book down I think the book is toxic!

Both my children had lisps. DD1?s has just about gone (7 yrs) and DD2 still struggles with certain letter combinations - the classic "I Lub you mummy" and various other soft and hard consonant mix ups. Not for a minute do I think DH and I are responsible for that. We listen, talk, sing, play games etc.

Sure, "toxic Parenting" might lead to some children struggling with speech development. That is totally different from saying that all children with speech development problems are the result of poor parenting.

Chuck the book in the bin. Sounds like you are doing a fantastic job parenting without heaping a load of inaccurate guilt at your feet. Interesting read, yes, but when it starts to knock your own parenting skills and cause you to worry like that, it is not worth it. Enough to worry about in life!

I agree with staryeyed. Whoever wrote that book is toxic.

MLL you are obviously a caring mummy and teachers will see that.

But surely the reference to children with poor speech isn't actually referring to those with speech difficuties due to SN or hearing issues. These are otherwise nt children who have been denied basic positive social stimulation. Parents of such children aren't likely to be reading that book either.

Niftyblue- I'm also dyslexic and had very supportive loving parents.
I grew up with real empathy for others, and high morral standards that have seen me through life happily.
My parents wer'nt toxic either.

There is a difference between a speech disorder and poor speech (as a result of some of the things you mention)

Teachers can tell the difference between the two. (and I assume will be aware of any speech disorder beforehand - you have to complete an application form in order to get a place at school, one for the LEA and one for the school itself)

Isnt it mad that the people that will most likely read that book are caring parents probably doing all that they can, whilst the ones who need to read it most likely wont.

I can confirm what others have said - Sue Palmer does NOT mean speech disorders when she talks about poor speech.

Also agree that the parents the book is aimed at are the parents who won't read it!

Ignore, ignore, ignore. Most teachers have more sense than that. They will not judge you.

Toxic Childhood is a bit of a strange book anyway. Full of contradictory messages. In the main part of each chapter the author contends that it is the everyday things we all do (TV, junk food etc) that cause the woes of modern childhood. And the assumption- which you might like to challenge- is that modern childhood is a miserable thing and that modern children are spoiled and unhappy.

Then at the end of each chapter there is a section called Mind the Gap which seems to maintain that these problems are really only inherent of the lower classes (thus reassuring the nice middle-class parent who splashed out on her book).

On the one hand, she berates parents who give in to trash culture and suggests this is mainly a lower class phenomenon; on the other hand, her symbol of today's miserable child- a girl she once saw standing around looking grumpy (shock horror!)- was actually standing around looking grumpy on the steps of the Uffizi gallery in Florence, so hardly very typical of the limitations of modern children's experience. (perhaps she was just bored by the pictures. or perhaps her favourite Madonna had been taken down for cleaning )

Throughout the book there is also the assumption that teachers know much more about childrearing than parents can ever do, that all new parents are clueless and isolated and know nothing about child development, and that all parents invariably cave in to pester power and me-me attitudes.

There is very little recognition of the fact that shit happens, that children suffer from circumstances over which their parents have little control.

Thank you everyone. It's good to know that teachers will know the difference.
Our daughters receptive speech is quite advanced apparently, but it all sounds so distorted due to speech sound errors.
She really enjoys chatting to everyone. (I have to translate though).

can I just check - if your daughter isn't going to school until 2010 then she is still very young for you to be worrying about speech issues,.. Her speech with come on leaps and bounds by the time she goes to school anyway.

agree with everyone else about ignoring the book!

MLLucy throw the book away. I've read a fair few of your posts and what comes across to me is what a wonderful Mum you are and any teacher your DD will have will realise that.

Thank you magentadreamer! xx

ByThePowerOfGreyskull- She is nearly 4 at the moment and we do have a year before she starts, I'm hoping that she'll be a lot clearer by then. Speech therapy isn't going very well though. She's been trying to learn 1 sound for 6 months with out a huge amount of success.
I've recently thought that her speech has deteriorated. Other people have noticed too.
I asked her what she'd done at nursery today and usually she replies either "nothing" or "I don't know". This time she was chatting away about all the things she'd done. I hardly understood a word of it though. I was desperatly trying to listen to any key words.
I'm hoping and praying that something will just click in to place this year and she'll make some real progress.

I would take the advice of others and throw the book in the bin! Teachers will not judge you. One of my DS's had poor speech-it had nothing whatever to do with parenting.