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Original poster

Controversial dilemma...should I go from part time to full time work to send DC to private primary?

52 replies

MmeMoufle · 14/01/2009 12:57

Ok girls, please be nice to me on this one. I know I don't live in the Gaza strip and have any real problems at all but I am spending much time mulling over this one and would appreciate your thoughts...

I have 2 DC and I work in the secondary part of an independent school for 5-18 year olds. When DS was born I dropped down from full time to 0.5 which, for me, was the perfect balance. I get to spend time with my wonderful kids and keep my job which I love. I am now on maternity leave after having DD and will also be going back part time.

However, my school offers a 50% discount in fees for staff's children. This means I could send them both there for £600 a month. But the discount is pro-rata so if I continue to work 0.5 I'll only get 25% off (and less salary of course!) so we wouldn't be able to afford it. If I went full time, we could afford it with the discount.

JObs don't come up very often in my Department. My HoD is retiring the summer after this one in June 2010 so if I want to go full time I would have to apply for some of her hours from Sept 2010. If I don't get the extra hours then, it could be literally years until they come again.

BUT DS will only be four and DD will be two. Going full time then would mean a year of full time nursery for him and, much worse, three years of full time nursery for her. I always said I wouldn't return to full time work if at all possible until DD started school

We have a good local primary but at the end of the day, the classes are still twice the size. I don't know what to do - would I be insane to pass up on a 50% fee remission? Or would I be mad to put a two year old in full time nursery? I want to do my absolute best for my children, as do we all, but I can't decide which will do them more good in the long run - two days a week with Mum while tiny or an independent education?

OP posts:
Original poster
MmeMoufle · 14/01/2009 13:06

And before anyone leaps on me from a great height, I know that I am extremely lucky to have the option to work part time while my kids are of pre-school age and that loads of mums have to go back to full time employment because they have no other choice financially!

OP posts:
madwomanintheattic · 14/01/2009 13:11

i'd do it.
sometimes you have to alter your life plans in accordance with the opportunities that come along.

if it doesn't work out, you can deal with it then.

my 3 are in two very good state schools btw, (infants and juniors) but in your position i would be biting the bullet for all the reasons you describe.

no decision if permanent. easier to leave a job than get one, particularly if you know the one you want won't come up again soon...

good luck with your decision.

madwomanintheattic · 14/01/2009 13:12

if? is!

Amey · 14/01/2009 14:00

What's the worse that can happen? If its 'after a few months you realise it not working and you go back to part-time working?' Then I'd go for it.

seeker · 14/01/2009 14:03

No. If you've got a good local primary, 2 days a week with you is FAR more important than anything else.

cory · 14/01/2009 14:09

I don't think either of them is mad, both options are perfectly possible. People do work fulltime without their toddlers coming to any harm. And plenty of children have a wonderful time and learn lots in classes of 30.

I would probably have chosen to stay at home part-time, not least because my experience is that children need their mums more, not less, once they start school.

But I wouldn't flame you for either decision.

MollieO · 14/01/2009 14:13

Unless you have very good local state schools that also do different hours to yours (so you can do the school run there easily) I'd do the full time working.

Original poster
MmeMoufle · 14/01/2009 14:14

Amey - the worst that can happen is that I can't really backtrack. If I don't put him in the local primary from day 1, then there will be no place for him in the future as it's already at max capacity

OP posts:
snorkle · 14/01/2009 16:01

Some random thoughts...

You will still have the holidays (and presumably long ones at that) to be with your children.

Have you had a look at the nursery you would use? It's only going to work if you are completely happy with it.

Alternatively, could your dh work reduced hours for a couple of years, so he spent more time with your children?

hellywobs · 14/01/2009 16:34

My son went to nursery full time and survived - in fact he had a great time. Some nurseries are really good. Others are not so good, you just have to pick the right one. I'd go for it - depending on what your husband does - is his job relatively recession-proof? I would be wary about taking on private school fees, even with a discount (and the nursery fees) in this climate so do the sums carefully and think about what you would do if your DH lost his job. If your state primary is good, then it may be safer to stick with it.

Original poster
MmeMoufle · 14/01/2009 16:41

Thanks for your thoughts!
The local primary is good, the hours are different 9.15 to 3.15 whereas I teach 8.30 to 4.30 or 5.30 depending on day so would need to pay for afterschool club etc.

My holidays though are embarassingly obscene - 18 weeks a year! Which is definitely a major point to consider, basically a third of the year off to be with DC. And if they go to the school where I work, we'd have same holidays but they wouldn't always overlap if they went to village school. I think 4 or 5 weeks of year, we wouldn't "match" but Granny could come up and help out

Not much chance for DH to downshift as we rely on his salary for mortgage and bills. This is why I've been able to go part time but there's not much left after nursery fees. But that's not forever...

OP posts:
Original poster
MmeMoufle · 14/01/2009 16:43

The nursery is excellent, DS has been going there 3 days a week when I was at work and two days a week while I'm on maternity leave with DD.

DH has permenant position as university lecturer which is hopefully quite recession proof...

OP posts:
Original poster
MmeMoufle · 14/01/2009 16:49

HOWEVER if the school falls on hard times, they could reduce the staff fee remission and then we'd be stuffed

OP posts:
seeker · 14/01/2009 16:55

As I said, if the primary school is good, then two days with you will be HUGELY more beneficial than full time nursery followed by private school. I know people often have no choice, but you do.

Original poster
MmeMoufle · 14/01/2009 17:15

You are right, seeker, I do have a choice that not many people have to make.

I feel very guilty about my little girl potentially being in nursery 5 days a week if it's not a financial necessity. I worry I would always regret those missed years

OP posts:
Litchick · 14/01/2009 17:18

But for 18 weeks ayear she could not go to nursery at all!!!
Not telling you what to do. You must do whatever feels right.
What does DH say?

PrimulaVeris · 14/01/2009 17:30

I'm not v. keen on private schooling so I'm not commenting on that one

But I have done full-time work and had a 3yo in nursery. If you're happy with nursery tehn I think that at ages 2 and 4 they'll be fine - quite different to babies at nurseries. If you're comfortable with the working hours/how to get dinner cooked/etc then I wouldn't worry = particularly if you have long holidays.

With young children in nurseries, i really don't think there's any issue; if parents are happy then children are happy

bloss · 14/01/2009 17:52

Message withdrawn

stillenacht · 14/01/2009 18:05

My God - i'd do it in a shot - would love to find a job in an indie school (i teach in GS)

stillenacht · 14/01/2009 18:05

My God - i'd do it in a shot - would love to find a job in an indie school (i teach in GS)

scienceteacher · 14/01/2009 18:59

I teach full-time in the independent sector and three of my children are in school with me.

The holidays are fantastic - we get 19 weeks and I switch immediately over to SAHM-mode. I feel like I have a double life. It is great!

At school, I see my girls around school throughout the day and of course travel in with them.

Needless to say, the educational experience they receive is excellent - far better than any primary school can offer.

There is a little bit of juggling at the end of the school day, with with the possibility of after-school care until 6pm, I am well covered for any meetings or prep that I have to do. On most days, I pick up the littler ones when I finish my lessons at 4pm, and will either keep them with me as I potter about getting ready for the next day, or we go straight home.

violethill · 14/01/2009 19:40

Oooh get you!!

fivecandles · 14/01/2009 19:48

Even if it is 'literally years' before more hours come up it will almost certainly happen so you could stick with things as they are, enrol dc1 in the state primary (which sounds like a good one) and start planning to transfer him into the independent school where you work at prep school age (7). This gives you time to save school fees and to wait for other opportunities for additional hours while retaining your hours as they are now. You then make a decision about whether to start dc2 in the state school or from scratch in the independent school if you've added to your hours. Another option is to continue to work part-time now and then take on extra hours (elsewhere if necessary or supply teaching) later which may not give you the same discount but might allow you to cover the fees until additional hours become available. If you say now as part of your staff review that you are looking to increase your hours in the future then you should be first on the list and maybe there'll be opportunities in other departments or doing extra-curricular or admin duties??

Original poster
MmeMoufle · 14/01/2009 19:53

I really am very torn because at some point, whatever I do, I will feel very guilty. If I stay part time and send them to the local school, there will (if I am totally honest) a part of me that is furious and resentful that other kids, kids that I AM TEACHING are being offered much more attention and facilities and opportunitiesm than my own offspring. DS is quite bright but a sensitive and quirky little boy, I am genuinely worried that he will be squashed or picked on in a big school. I know, hand on heart that he would LOVE it at my school.

But then, but then...there's my gorgeous baby DD. She's only 7 months so obviously her personality isn't as clear yet as that of her brother's but it's not her fault she's the younger child! Why shouldn't she have the same amount of quality time with her mother as her big brother did? Why should she have to pay the price for him to go to a fabulous school? On the other hand, why should DS not get to go to a fabulous school that would normally be beyond our means just because he's got a little sister?

AAAAH! There is no easy answer here. I want the best of both worlds for both of them and it's impossible. Something's got to give somewhere.

Should probably add that DH is very ambivalent about private education and can't see why I'm worrying so much about this one. He's happy to let them go if I really want it but he can't really see the point. He does however accept my professional judgement on the matter as I have worked in both the state and the private sector and the last time he set foot in a school was in 1989!

OP posts:
stillenacht · 14/01/2009 19:55

MMemoufle - i feel like your first sentence everyday. i teach at a very academic grammar school and my DS1 is not overly bright and my DS2 is severely autistic - i feel like i am short changing my kids everyday at the expense of other peoples kids.