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Education

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Original poster

still deliberating over DS's education...help please

27 replies

asdmumandteacher · 03/12/2008 22:16

DS1 is 9. Left handed, late august birthday and in the bottom set within his year 5. hubby and I are dispairing - in the bottom set are 2 kiddies with various problems (there are 5 of them in group) which causes them to continually distract my son. The school itself has glowing OFSTED etc very good rate of 11 plus pass but looks like our son is not going to be amongst them. Totally gutting as hubby and I are teachers (secondary) and we have younger DS with severe SN (which has had massive impact on DS1's life)

Anyway am considering taking DS1 out of state primary and putting him in indie the year below at the end of this year(so redoing year 5 - he is less than 2 weeks older than some of those in year below)

Has anyone got experience of this? Any opinions? My best friend and a close relative (both primary school teachers) think its a good idea and have both taught in indie schools wherer this has happened...just worried about money, change of scene, emotional impact - i am really up for the idea of giving him an extra year to mature tho. Oh btw if we do this he would then stay in indie until 6th form as he wouldn't be able to transfer to secondary out of year group.

Thanks everyone

OP posts:

Littlefish · 03/12/2008 22:50

I think that if you:

are able to support him emotionally with the change in schools

have a school nearby which you are confident can provide a better standard of education

are sure that you will not want to transfer him back to state education at any point

can afford it

Then you should talk to the independent school.

Do you know whether they would definitiely take him in the year below? Also, without wishing to cause you any additional stress, will your ds have to be assessed by the school before they will offer him a place? Do you think that the fact he is in the bottom set for his current year group might give the school some reservations. Does the school do SATS? If they do, then having a child in the wrong chronological yeargroup will cause them some difficulties.

Have you spoken to his current school about the provision they are offering, and the progress he is making?

If he does not got to the independent school, what do you know about the state secondary school he would go to? Is their provision likely to be better?

amerryscot · 04/12/2008 06:55

Have you talked to an independent school about your DS?

roundcornvirgin · 04/12/2008 07:06

Why has he been put in the bottom set? Can't you ask that he be seated away from the chn that are distracting him?

seeker · 04/12/2008 07:09

Two things leap out at me. I'm sure you have, but have you talked to his current teacher about the set he's in and how difficult he's finding it?

And - I'm sorry about this - but if you put him into the independent school out of year and in the future something happens so you can't keep him there (it's a long time til he's 18) what will happen about him transferring back to his peer group in the state system?

bagsforlife · 04/12/2008 08:17

Just a thought, are you absolutely sure he has no chance of passing the 11+? He is still only 9 and passing this test is different to being in the 'top sets'. He may have an aptitude for verbal reasoning. Have you tried any of these kinds of tests (but lower standard than the 11+ ones) on him?

Original poster

asdmumandteacher · 04/12/2008 10:55

hi all - thanks for replies

Yes we are doing NVR and VR and Maths papers with him from time to time (and he has a tutor) Bond books aged 9-10 and some 10-11. He likes the NVR but his maths is weak and his reading is a year below his age so he really struggles with VR.

The set that he has been in has been an ongoing issue for us all the way through - they have never even attempted to move him to the middle set which makes me angry as he thinks he is useless being in that group and its really difficult to motivate him

The indie school we have in mind is not for high academic achievers (mostly kids who have not passed 11plus but parents who want the best for them etc and are lucky enogh to be able to have the option). I have a couple of friends who have taught there and know the school pretty well through my own academic background. I have talked to the Head about my son and the Head has said it would be fine for him to be out of year group.

Just worried about it all i guess

Thanks all

OP posts:

Litchick · 04/12/2008 10:57

By all means put DS in indie school. I send mine to a fee paying school.
But remember that paying simply gives you choice so you must chose wisely.
Ensure that any school you choose won't simply replicate the problems in your current school.
Ensure that any school you choose is made aware of your difficulties and ask for specifics as to how they will be different.

Litchick · 04/12/2008 10:59

Also worth looking at the results.
If the school is not highly academic/selective and the results are still pretty darn good then that is an indicator of great teaching - almost more so than at an academic school iyswim.
Assure yourself that expectations remain high.

uptomyeyes · 04/12/2008 11:06

My eldest son went to an independent school from nursery through to yr3 before we moved areas. He was bottom of the class at independent school and he knew it. He lost confidence in his ability to learn, read and write. the school was a very supportive, caring environment with very small classes of 14-16 children but it was a disaster for my low achieveing son. We moved him to a good local state junior school and he is on the middle of the year group and far more confident. There were 3 children out of year in my son's class. One went onto the state system out of year so now in yr 6 should be yr 7. The other two went on, out of year, to local independent prep schools. The problem with being out of year at yr 6 around here is that a lot of the independent secondary schools will not let you sit entrance for yr 7 if you are out of year so choice is difficult for those children.

flossflo · 04/12/2008 11:11

Go ahead and move him. I moved my ds from state primary to independent school 5 weeks into year 5 for various reasons and it was the best thing we've done. He was also struggling with maths and the small class and traditional methods of teaching were exactly what he needed.(I'm a primary school teacher)Now confident and able and keen to move on to secondary school without worrying about maths. He made new friends very quickly.

jennifersofia · 04/12/2008 11:13

I agree with Littlefish.

snorkle · 04/12/2008 11:16

Is he sporty and will there be other children at the school in the wrong year? I ask because he may not be able to play in some sports tournaments in the wrong year and if there are others in the same position he's less likely to feel like a failure. I have a child in the wrong year at ind school and those are the issues (as well as the ongoing costs of course) that spring to mind. The cost one (& losing the flexibility to choose another secondary school if it doesn't work out) is the biggest imo.

Original poster

asdmumandteacher · 04/12/2008 14:17

No he is not that sporty (like rugby tho) He is into music and drama - thanks

Do you think it will benefit him Snorkle - does it benefit your child out of year group. I just want him to feel as if he is average rather than the bottom of the heap which is how his school makes him fel at the mo

OP posts:

snorkle · 04/12/2008 14:48

It's very difficult to say asdmum - it certainly isn't a panacea and you will never know how things would have turned out if you'd chosen the other path. I am broadly happy with the way things have worked out for us (we never went through the 'moving down' as we started in the lower year, so I really have no idea how things might have been). I would note though that the difference in expected performance between adjacent year groups gets markedly less as they get older, so at senior age, for example, there is a huge overlap between abilities in adjacent years so moving down a year may not make as much difference as you think. Plus the act of actually 'moving down' could have a big impact on esteem (but then you say that is already low). To be honest I think the important thing is to be in a supportive and nurturing environment - somewhere he can start to feel good about himself rather than becessarily being in a lower year. That right environment might be a year below, or maybe just a change of scene or new approach is what's needed. The trouble with the year change is that it would be hard to reverse if it didn't work out - not impossible, I know of 2 children who have skipped a year for this reason, but neither of them were really struggling before: both had just started in the wrong year because they could (it actually seems to be encouraged at dcs school to be out of year, especially if the older year is oversubscribed ).

Original poster

asdmumandteacher · 04/12/2008 18:06

Thanks snorkle - i am just hoping that an extra year at primary level will give him the confidence and maturity to start secondary level with energy and enthusiasm.

I know he would be a fairly good year 4 level at mo (on 3b/3a for most things) so heres hoping

OP posts:

Anna8888 · 04/12/2008 18:10

My DP "repeated" a year at school when he was 15. It changed his life - from having always struggled, suddenly school became easy and a pleasure. Do it.

Judy1234 · 04/12/2008 18:35

My daughter got into her private primary a year young (September birthday) and then stayed in the second year for two years which really helped her but she ended up in the right year not out of year. I was a year young through school and university and that was fine for me.

If you can afford it then do move him if there is a good independent school as the added value may be better and fee paying parents tend not to put up with totally disruptive children so his learning is less likely to be spoiled by others whatever set he's in.

Original poster

asdmumandteacher · 04/12/2008 20:13

thank you everyone - have not slept for weeks worrying about it all - have spent last 4 years permanently worrying about DS2 with autism and all the problems this entails and have sort of let DS1 get on with school (although obviously doing everything that was asked of us homework and reading wise)...feel gutted about all of it and just want to do the best for DS1 as at least I can make a diffrence to his experience.

OP posts:

lingle · 05/12/2008 09:26

No experience but look at Anna8888's post.

It sounds like an exciting opportunity.

Anna8888 · 05/12/2008 09:30

I would add - when my DP was young, his parents' friends and extended family thought he was going nowhere academically and used to be quite disparaging about his future prospects.

He ended up going to one of the top French grandes écoles, was a Managing Director at 28 and now makes lots of money and is extremely happy and successful .

Judy1234 · 05/12/2008 17:48

Yes, and I've 5 children over 24 years and really parents shouldn't sweat all this so much. Much of how the children are is set at birth and many that don't do well at school do well later. None of it matters as much as it seems to at the time. Pity you can't always be a parent with the experience you have by the time you're grandparent age.

devoutsceptic · 05/12/2008 17:55

a child in my family has done this. It was wonderful for his confidence and he blossomed. He is now strikingly mature compared to his peers because of his confidence, and he works much harder because he believes he will succeed.

Original poster

asdmumandteacher · 05/12/2008 19:26

Great - think we are going to do it. Am seeing Head of indie school in the New Year to discuss it all. Am quite excited by his fresh start.

Thanks you so much everyone xxxxxxx

OP posts:

snorkle · 05/12/2008 21:45

Good luck, hope it works out.

lingle · 06/12/2008 12:32

it sounds really exciting - good luck. We'll all be frugal with you!

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