It's parent's evening today, and I'm worried about DD. Advice would be hugely appreciated...

[TheMoistWorldOfSquelchedBrains]

DD has never found school easy. She's very shy, tends to fall into very toxic relationships with stronger characters, and finds the whole business of reading / writing /numbers enormously difficult.

She's now in year 2. After a completely crap year 1 (mainly due to a teacher who seemed to have completely lost interest), we had high hopes for year 2. She now has a very sparky, dynamic new teacher who is new to the school and was considered an excellent appointment.

After a pretty good start, DD has become increasingly negative about her new teacher. She keeps telling me that the work is hard and boring, and that the class have been told that they're "big children now", so can't ask for help So DD tends to flounder around suffering in silence, and is gradually losing even more confidence.

She also complains that the teacher is strict, and that she keeps being told off - but doesn't really understand what for.

On Friday, the class were split into groups to go off to other classes to do various activities. DD says her name wasn't called (although she was sitting next to some boys who were making a lot of noise, so thinks she may have just not heard) and so she didn't know which group she was meant to be in. She was too scared to ask the teacher, so ended up going to the toilet & spent the whole session sitting in a cubicle by herself crying

She says that the teacher doesn't like her, she only likes the children who do nice writing and can read properly

So, I clearly need to put all this tactfully to the teacher this afternoon. But how should I be asking her to address this? And what if it puts her off DD (and me!) even more?

Thanks Enid

I have a quiet sensitive shy girl, my dd1. She didn't actually speak to her yr3 teacher last year for the first half term. You could hardly blame the teachers for overlooking her a bit. But she's thriving now, at 8, she is getting more confident and will even occasionally speak in public.

I think her teachers always liked her but hardly knew her as she was very reticent. They do get to know the loud ones more easily (I have a loud dd2 who always tries to be the teacher's best friend).

Lots of these things do just work themselves out, given time, I think.

Enid "I am afraid to say we used a private tutor to improve her reading to the point where she felt more confident".

Why are you apologising for taking such a sensible course of action?

sorry not read whole thread. As a teacher I got very nervous during parents evenings too. The best way to approach teacher is to be honest, voice your concerns and ask for help but don't 'blame'. Any good teacher would appreciate your honest approach. Good Luck!

how did it go

How was it TMWOSB?

not in your position yet, dd is 2 but please dont feel bad about the time you feel you spend with dd it definnately sounds as if you put a lot of effort into the time that you do have together and thats what counts. I amsure we all know families single parents, working not working etc that seem not to bother at all. DD is confiding in you and i really think you should be pleased with that too,,problems aside,
xx

Hiya

Well, I was the sencond to last parent of the day, teacher was obviously in a tearing hurry, so I was a bit jumpy and gabbley (stressed about other issues too, so not in the best frame of mind for all this).

I told her about Friday's incident - she said she hadn't been in the class that day, and would have a chat to them all about being where they should be in case of a fire etc, and not being afraid to ask if they don't know what they're meant to do. She has agreed to do so tactfully so that DD doesn't think I've betrayed her trust on top of everything else.

She said DD really needs to be more confident and independent, and she does seem to be working one to one with her quite a lot (given that she has 29 other kids to deal with, I guess). She showed me some of DDs work where, when she has been pushed to do it with supevision, but very little actual help, she's managed quite well - which does point to the confidence issue. She made some suggestions for things we can do at home to help.

Not sure how I feel about it all really. I do get the sense that she sees DD as a bit of a "problem" - but that may be just because she was in a hurry - or because I'm a bit down on the world at the moment.

But thanks for asking!

I think you need to see how it goes after half term and if necessary make a seperate appt to see the teacher so you can discuss stuff - including more practical advice about boosting dds confidence. Take dh/dp if you can (mine was unexpectedly brilliant when we had to do this).

I do workbooks with my dds every night (I started doing this to boost dd1s confidence and dd2 demands to join in ) and after two years of stress, a private tutor and these bloody workbooks, finally dd1 seems to have grown in confidence in year 4.

have just remembered you are a single parent. If I was your RL friend I would offer to come with you. Sorry.

Goodness I wasn't quiet and sensitive at school and I had some teachers who really didn't like me. But there were others who did :-)

Do you work close to home? Could you arrange to go in a bit late say one morning every 2-3 weeks so you can spend 30 minutes in the classroom helping with reading and having a good look? I work FT too but because I work from home 1 day a week and the school is 2 minutes away I can go in from time to time. If you don't work close to home, could you arrange to take a couple of half days off as annual leave and do the same thing?

I think there is some good advice above - I suggest you arrange a further meeting with the teacher about 3 weeks into November to discuss everything in a friendly way and don't leave the meeting without agreeing a way forward.

Aw, Enid
Thanks

And that's a great sugestion Hellywobs. Will definitely try to work out a way of doing that. I'm not far from school, and I do work from home one day week, so I'm sure it's a possibility.