university for ds

[redsky]

we have started looking at universities and courses for ds 17. We live in Surrey. Ds would like to study Russian and History at uni. Question is - how far away is practicable? Do they have to clear their room in halls at the end of each term? Ds is considering Leeds, Sheffield, or even Scotland but I don't fancy either him or us having to drive for over 4 hours each way. Part of me says he is old enough and sensible enough to decide himself and part of me says he doesn't have a clue what life is like outside his boarding school and he may find uni quite tough and wish he was nearer to home. Any thoughts please????

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Blimey I was in Charles Morris too - and yes I remember the food being disgusting. I was a vegetarian but I used to end up eating the meat option as I was so sick of having one stuffed tomato for my tea!

When were you there?

Newcastle! Great student city. Did have an offer at the university, flunked A levels but ended up at the poly (Northumbria University now. Was a rumour it was going o be called City University of Newcastle upon Tyne . I'm guessing that's an urban myth). Very lucky to do so and it's a fab student city.

Agree, let him take responsibility for this. My parents had no real say in courses orplaces I wanted to go to and didn't come (didn't offer to come) to Open Days etc. I was quite shy but found it very liberating to be on my own, made me feel very grown up

I like your positive posts about LEEDS! Thanks too for the advice about Open Days.

Is there any hope for me ?? - to me he is still a vulnerable little boy. I've go to change my attitude because it's not doing me or ds any good. BTW I am not nearly so 'precious' about dd.

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Hi Redsky
Will try not to repeat what everyone else has said (promise not to mention the groceries ), but have to repeat that Leeds is great. Good for humanities in general, but languages in particular.

Lots of parents do go with their kids to open days ime. It seems far more normal now than when I was at uni (20 years ago... eek!). Often departments will organise separate activities for the parents at least for some part of the day (e.g. in the uni where I used to work we used to get a bunch of students to take the prospective applicants for a tour of the campus and some of the staff would stay with the parents to answer their anxious questions...). I'd see how your ds feels about this. If he's happy for you to be there, great; but if he'd prefer you not to go with him then I think you owe it to him to back down. On an Open Day you should get the chance to meet representatives of the department(s) to which you are applying (staff as well as students) and should see some examples of accommodation.

I have a sense that over the next 10 years it is going to become more and more common for students to live at home and go to their local university, just out of financial necessity. It's starting to move in that direction already to some extent.

Re. possible SEN... I think you'll find that universities are well-equipped to deal with most things. If at all worried he should talk to the relevant central office (it has different names depending on the institution: could be Study Support Office, Disabilities Office, Special Needs Office, or whatever) as soon as he arrives. People will bend over backwards to help if they know that there is a problem. But be warned... once he's 18 there will be confidentiality issues, and you - as a parent - won't necessarily be able to find out if he's accessed any particular service or whatever. I only mention this because I've been in the situation of having parents contact me for info about their dd/ds and have had to tell them 'I'm sorry but I cannot release confidential information without your dd/ds's permission'. Tough, because now I'm a parent myself I understand the worry, but rules is rules!

Good luck to your ds with this big step in his education. I'm sure he'll have a great time, wherever he ends up going.

PS Bear in mind that degrees in Scottish universities take 4 years instead of 3 (5 years for a language). Most Scottish students seem to go at 17 rather than 18. Might be a factor to take into account.

You're not being precious at all - it's easy for us to say these things but I'm sure I'll be exactly the same when the time comes for ds (except that I won't let him leave me ever ever ever mwahahahahah!)

I'm sure he will be absolutely fine, though - he'll love it!

That's not necessarily true though Ellbell, you can skip the first year for a number of degrees if you come from an A level background.

Hi Redsky, I'll try not to repeat as well - one question though - can he cook? If you want to do something practical that might (and it's only might) improve his nutrition show him how to cook a handful of easy cheap things - spag bol, tuna splag (as we used to call it, spag bol really except with tuna not mince), fish pie. Don't force it on him but if he's interested it might help. Being able to cook something cheap and tasty is a good friend-making trick too.

I went to uni staright from boarding school was better prepared than most plus had a wail of a time with all freedom and coame to london from frozen north

Your son will have the time of his life especially after boarding school

I agree - I didn't go to boarding school but met a few who had and they seemed to adapt to university a lot quicker

If he chooses Edinburgh, St Andrews, Durham for instance then he will find a large proportion of students will be privately educated boarding school kids who naturally meet and understand each other.

I have tried to write that without sounding nasty, but it may be a consideration.

Thanks for all these great replies.

Some parents in RL have hinted that ds might find it harder to adapt to uni because of having been to boarding school where the structure of matrons, house parents, house prefects can be very supportive.

He loves cooking when he has the opportunity - spag bol, curries, roasts, casseroles, cakes, rice pudding BUT he likes to follow a recipe and isn't really able to distinguish between 'essential' ingredients and those you can easily leave out or substitute.
He organises 'themed cooking' nights in his boarding house - gives matron his shopping list - friends help cook and then invite a younger year group to dig in with them! Matron actively encourages these activities as it helps create a good atmosphere in the house but she doesn't make them clean up the kitchen afterwards - the cleaners have to do that next morning !!

JMO.

You get into university very very quickly, first year doesn't matter acaemdically so you can find your feet easily. In halls there is always someone like you, I don't know anyone who didn't make friends in halls in first year, it is scary, but its also massivly fun.

Everyone I know went to loads of different unis and everyone adored it, no matter where they went. You just slot in kwim?

I know what you mean Kaz - and I know you are being very diplomatic. You probably won't believe this (especially after my last post) but ds's school isn't really a posh one. Some families are very well off but loads come from quite 'normal' families. Ds boards because he hates the fact we live in a pub (noisy, cramped, constant disruptions, disorganised, no routine, meals not guaranteed at any particular time -(just whenever the chef or I can find a moment) - not a good environment for a highly sensitive, anxious, routine-bound, ASD child. (as he was then) When he moved to senior school we thought it would be less traumatic for him to continue boarding as he was used to it.

Also he is not brilliant academically but he works very diligently and likes languages because it is fairly black/white ie learning grammar rules and vocab. History - he absorbs the facts and details of events happily but he only got B in GCSE and was hugely disappointed but I imagine it might because he might have difficulty understanding some of the underlying issues and weighing up different points of view.

I hope university will be a hugely rewarding experience for him and I wnat to ensure I do all I can to help him make a good decision. My own experience of university is not really relevant as it was nearly 30 years ago - and in Australia.

So, we are not looking for 'elite' universities but ones that will meet ds's needs the best - just like choosing nurseries or schools really. What's ideal for one might be hell for another! But because of the distances involved it is not easy to visit them all in person and get a feel for them so that's why I'm picking the brains of MNers. Thanks for all the help so far!!

Redsky, again, don't want to repeat what others have said but re: choice of uni - look at their websites, there's actually a map of all uni websites at www.scit.wlv.ac.uk/ukinfo/ukmaphtml which takes you to all the websites - might help you find which ones are within in a decent radius.

As for what's good at which uni - THES (Times Higher) website has league tables, or you could ask his school's advice.

Open days are now different compared with 20 years ago - parents are encouraged to go. I work at a uni where on our open days we offer a parents' question and answer session whilst the students go off in a group, and it's always very well attended.

Re: possible support needs - you could contact student support/admissions wherever he's interested in going and ask about support for him when he's there if you think he might have additional needs.

Has he thought about a campus university - where everything is on one site? Lancaster, Essex, Warwick, Loughborough and so on? They're often gentler rural places with more of an emphasis on support and community, but that might not appeal to your son.

There's nothing wrong with sending him to uni with a bag of shopping!

Ooh, just another point - he would have a cleaner in halls and actually most halls of residence have support networks of wardens/tutors, so he might actually find it easier to adapt than people who haven't boarded.

Yorkiegirl - I was there a bit before you. Went in 89, graduated in 92, but didn't leave Leeds until summer of 94. Used to work for Ents in what was the Tartan bar. Have you been in there recently? SU is unrecognisable.

DD1 graduated from Leeds last summer (she did Linguistics) - she spent the first year in a university flat (Bodington) so didn't have to clear her room, and since then has been in the same student house in Headingley - still there even though she is working now!

Leeds is a great student city. If you wanted to CAT me maybe your DS could email her a bit and ask anything he wanted to know? Bodington is the biggest accommodation centre (combination of flats and catered halls) and has loads of sports and other facilities too.

redsky, my DD is in her first year at uni. We went to all her Open Days with her (most were quite a long way away) & the students without parents there were very much in the minority. We ended up listening to the same "parents talk" about funding at every single one (!) but I felt I wanted to go & she was keen not to go alone.

We were told she had to clear everything out each holiday, but found at Xmas that there is an attic in her halls where they can leave all their stuff. At Easter she's coming back by train!!!!!

Have you thought about Kent for history?

I've just moved away from Leeds but did my undergraduate degree and am still finishing off my PhD there. It was fab and I'd recommend it to everyone. Let me know if your DS wants any info on halls/flats etc, I still do the odd campus tour so I'm full of information!

If your ds is doing Russian, it's going to be mighty difficult getting Tescos to deliver to Moscow/Voronezh/Vladivostok in his third year...

I did Russian at Sheffield and enjoyed it. Was just 17 when I went though, so a different experience to what your ds will have at almost 19. I was 19 when I did my year abroad and my mum used to send food parcels!

BTW, languages becomes less black and white the more you know. He may want to consider courses where literature is optional if he doesn't get on with the more personal interpretation side and think about maybe linguistic options if he wants a more analytical approach, IYSWIM. Course content/options will determine a good chunk of his stress levels and differ from dept to dept whereas Leeds/Sheffield/Manchester are all great places to be a student.

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My DD will be 18 in April and she is going to universitie this year. She is going to do Zoology at Cardiff and although this is our home city she is going to stay in halls, her own choice. Ordring food for your DS would be over the top they have to learn to fend for themselves sometime. My DD would be embaressed if we did that for her. She went open days at 3 different universities and they all expected her to have at leastone parent with her.