Hi Lou33
It's great that you're looking into all of this in plenty of time before ds2 is due to start nursery. I understand your dilema - especially as he showed such a great reaction to ds1's nursery today!
My advice would be along the same kind of lines as jimjams. I would contact the LEA (do they have a pre-school advisory service? If not, the parent partnership officer) and ask what the LEA's position would be about ds2 going to ds1's nursery. The best outcome would for them to say, no problem, we will make funding available to whatever nursery he will be attending. The worst outcome would be for them to say that they would not make funding available to that nursery as they funded the other nursery specifically to meet the needs of SEN children and it would therefore not be an 'efficient use of their resources' to fund support for him there.
Once you have an idea of the LEA's likely position then (if you're not happy with it) you can contact other agencies, such as IPSEA or ACE to get further advice on your rights etc if necessary.
It may also be worth thinking about whether there are other aspects of provision at the first nursery that may not be available if he goes to ds1's nursery. For example, the LEA may have arranged with the Health Authority for therapy services to be provided there - eg a visiting SALT/physio/OT and it may well be that this won't happen at ds1's nursery. ds2 may have to have clinic based appointments with a programme given to the nursery for staff to follow. Provision of therapies in education settings is a notoriously difficult area and although advice might be 'if the statement says it in Pt3 (the provision section) then it has to be provided' it can be very difficult to get therapies specified in Pt3 (although SALT is now more widely put there) and even if specified it can be difficult to get them implemented by the Health Authority. Not trying to put you off at all - it just came to mind as something to think about.
In terms of statementing the process should be complete within 6 months. Sometimes it takes longer and sometimes it takes less time (I'm sure no-one believes me on that one!). Things tend to take less time when all services are currently and actively involved, and you're not having to wait to reach the top of a therapy waiting list. From what you've said about the agencies involved with ds2, I would hope that people would be able to meet the assessment deadlines.
You said you could ask the Paediatricain to get the ball rolling in July which is about 6 months from when ds2 is 3 isn't it? It could be that your Health Authority has good links with education and they have a system in place to start off statutory assessments, but in lots of authorities the Health Authority sends a general "notification" of a child with SEN, which is not the same as a request to the LEA to start an assessment. The LEA will possibly ask for reports from various agencies on receipt of the notification and then decide whether or not to go ahead with an assessment, which can mean a delay from the original notification. I would check out with the Paediatrician what the system is in your area. It may be worth making a parental request for assessment using a letter from your Paediatricain as supporting evidence.
Jimjams - that's great that the LEA agreed to your request for statutory assessment. So, from where things stood a month ago, they haven't cut ds1's support, have agreed to your request for assessment and appear to be open-minded about your ideas for flexischooling - sounds like things are going well and you aren't having to have the battle that you were anticipating. I hope it continues like that for you!
Just one thing (and I don't want to panic you), but having support specified in a statement does not necessarily mean that the support is for that child only. What I mean is that if a child has 15 hours support, then s/he does have to have that 15 hours support, but another child / children might be included in some small group work with him/her - otherwise there would never be any opportunities for small group/paired work. Do you see what I mean? I wonder if I'm one of "those people" that you refered to??
Hope some of this makes some sense!!