How do we (parents and schools) promote mental health? Can it be taught?

[teslagirl]

You know how the schools are forever banging the 'healthy eating/exercise' drum- well, what do they do about promoting good mental health? What can WE do as parents? We all know the nuts and bolts of physical health as in what's good to eat, what isn't, that we should take 'x' amount of exercise, not smoking, limiting booze- y'know, all things we rigorously follow...! BUT where are the 'pointers', the bullet-point guidelines for encouraging good mental health?

Are they so vague and fuzzy no one would dare commit them to paper? ARE they different to each individual? IS it because people who do manage to weather the vicissitudes of life have had the benefit of a randomly 'lucky' start which cannot be taught or which cannot be 'repaired' in its absence later? IS it because the ability to 'cope/get on with it/dust yourself down and carry on' is inborn, as in genetic thus cannot be taught?

There was an article in the paper not so long ago where someone suggested we should be teaching resilience in our DCs in school as opposed to the 'softer' skills of empathy and understanding which I know ARE discussed in circle-time in primary schools. He felt, as I recall that too much sympathy/empathy 'teaching' bred a victim mentality in the DCs, in that one's boss wouldn't exude sympathy or empathy if you weren't coping at work- he'd sack you! NOTE to skim readers: I'm not agreeing with this! Just stating it!

What do you all think? I really don't know. I'd imagine it's horses for courses; bright, confident 'leader' DCs could perhaps benefit form some knowledge of empathy; shy, under-confident retiring DCs from some 'get on with it' training.

I guess I'm just alarmed at the sheer numbers of people suffering mental health issues, where their lives are more or less paralysed by panic attacks, excessive anxiety , prescription drug dependencies and so on, who no longer seem to have any handle on the rudder of their lives at all. CAN we as parents or teachers access a tried and tested methodology to try and 'immunise' our DCs as far as possible against this possible destruction of their lives? Or really do we 'only' have the 'weapons' of love and attention to give our DCs?

I think counselling can create a victim culture and can give the message that you are not in control of how you react.

Counselling only creates a victim culture when counsellors are in it for the money and keep their "patients" in counselling for far too long.

A great and very upright counsellor I saw explaiened to me in great detail how commercial strategies were taught on his training course .

I think it's such a wishy washy profession to be honest, doubtless there are good ones I just haven't come accross them.

It's definitely hard to find the "right" counsellor - you have to click to make it work.

I love the hard analytical side to counselling - it satisfies my intellectual curiosity.

I readily admit I'd, without thinking, not recognised the gulf of difference between a 'counsellor' and a 'psychologist'! It's a good point. Perhaps a good outcome after counselling would be having learned the ability to deal with issues successfully (ie to one's satisfaction: this will vary from person to person, perhaps?) WITHOUT needing always to seek others to validate one's 'decision'. Such as, say, IF, as an adult you'd been sexually assaulted (extreme example) and you'd eventually chosen to 'leave the event behind' in your mind, that might be a healthier mental outcome for you than perhaps to be 'persuaded' to relive and analyse the event to the nth degree until endless repetition DID make the event even BIGGER in your mind than it was before?

Now, how exactly (and again, a genuine question!) do you go about teaching resilience? What's the method used?

I feel I do have to pick up on one post made a little earlier. I quote it not to flame it (which is what some do choose to do here on MN, quoting then sneering!) but so you don't have to trawl back through: It's

"They need to learn that if they are ever in a place where they have no other humans to share their innermost feelings with in a safe way that that is bad for them and that they need to seek out other human beings for that type of exchange as a matter of urgency."

I disagree- IF I've understood it correctly. It seems to be saying that DCs need to KNOW that the only way to cope with their 'innermost feelings'- which I'm interpreting as being 'the difficult stuff'- is to share those thoughts with others. Surely that way CAN lie victimhood and dependency? Can DCs not be taught that peace of mind over a particular issue CAN be found without having to talk, talk, talk? By internal dialogue, if you like, conducted in a taught, structured way? As in, PURELY for example, (I'm not a trained teacher!) : OK, guys, first define exactly what the issue is. Is it one issue or are you pulling on other stuff you haven't confronted yet (if only to dismiss?). Break it down. Decide what you felt about it at the time, whether that's now changed. Ask yourself why it's changed. Ask yourself if something you could have done differently would have changed the outcome? What could that be? etc etc.

HERE I'm talking about issues DCs might encounter in a day to day school environment, say, NOT a DC being sexually assaulted, I hasten to add! I'm working on the perhaps erroneous assumption that the thousands if not millions of folk with mental illness haven't all had truly dreadful things happen to them, but that perhaps their PERCEPTION of everyday 'ills' visited on them over a lifetime have all been allowed to add up into an unmanageable clot. My whole OP is really about CAN we effectively teach young DCs how to NOT let it all mount up, but is endless talking the answer, or the continuous 'perspectivising' of each incident as it arises? My spell checker won't like that!

i think children learn simple and v complex concepts and behaviours by example. i think that by example is by far the most effective way of learning.
therefore, if live with fairly good mental health, deal with my problems as they arise, communicate effectively and generally be mentally healthy, then they will learn, in time, to do the same.

it of a tall order though, isnt it? am currently working on my mental health, with the aforementioned in mind.

i think that as parents, if we find out how to promote real self esteem (different from confidence ime) then we've done a pretty good job. and i dont assume that i will have learned how to promote that from my own experience of being parented, because thats not always the case.
i buy a lot of books with good titles and then dont read them

teslagirl - humans are social and verbal animals. That means they need to talk things through with others. It is not optional or desirable to do so - it is as necessary as food, water and sleep for a healthy life.

I don't agree, I have worked stuff out on my own that I don't share nor care to share, sometimes you can perpetuate things by vocalising them, blowing it out of proportion and also get given crap advice by people.

I have to say that for me, personally, I'd be inclined to agree with rebel on this one. In my experience, such as it is, 'sharing' is great IF the person you're confiding in agrees with you!! If not your hard won feeling of having worked it through to a decision can be seriously eroded. OR you're worse off than before because you can then choose to blame the other party if the advice they gave- and you followed- turned out to have been completely the wrong thing! In that way you can refuse to ever take responsibility for your own mental health. It has also been my experience that we go on asking people til someone says what we want to hear and that vindicates us!

I guess I see some of the 'talking' therapies as being American imports that belong to a culture that values disclosure. I don't believe ours does. I think if you open up TOO much or too often, all those kindly, well-meaning advice givers, deep in their psyche, label you a 'victim'.

I guess it goes to show what a minefield 'teaching' a DC mental health stratagems can be! Perhaps there might be a middle way where both, for lack of a better summation, 'Shut up and Get On With It' AND 'Talk it out' can be discussed.

Well, what are the things that contribute to good mental health?

Exercise is one. So is having a good social network and friends. And something you're interested in doing. And the space/time to relax and get enough sleep.

And all of those are things we can facilitate in our children as much as the love and praise and self-esteem things as well.

I would teach them how to make a change - like if something about your behaviour is alienating others, or you want to change something about your lifestyle, how you have to stick at it, recognise your progress, feel proud of yourself etc. Teach them good boundaries, not to be too reliant or too distant (bearing in mind perfectly healthy differences in personality). Probably loads more if I had time to think

Thanks, motherinferior and Jiminy. Good points. Would you agree that these 'qualities' are learned at home, by example to a certain extent, but might be harder to teach in school? Though the thing about exercise is very true, I'd say! Especially in that is something that can be directly taught in school as a fact, whereas the shy, slightly socially isolated child would find the 'make good friends' a) hard to achieve and b) liable to make him feel more of a 'failure' UNLESS he happened to be emotionally self sufficient as is, for example, my DH!

It seems mental illness touches every strata of society but it would appear to me to do far more damage amongst disadvantaged people for all the usual reasons ( I WILL list what I mean if anyone wants me to!). Would it be fair to say that ideally such people would be more 'reachable' in school than perhaps in maybe abusive or neglectful home environments? But then, I think we've ascertained that 'one size doesn't fit all' in our coping stratagems- so how and what can we teach?!

And thanks to everyone who is making this a good discussion!

Parents and teachers need to do all they can to improve and maintain their own mental health. They will automatically transfer this to the children in their care without having to make special provision so to do.