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Original poster

End of year - teacher presents. Am I really mean NOT to buy one?

26 replies

NigellaTheOriginal · 30/06/2008 20:57

DD2 has had a crap year.
She hates school. Has been miserable. Doesn't like her teacher.
So I'm not going to go out of my way to get teacher a piece of tat that will be thrown out present.
or should this be AIBU?

OP posts:

WideWebWitch · 30/06/2008 20:58

Quite agree, don't do it, it's voluntary.

toobusymum · 30/06/2008 21:02

I agree too, ds's teacher won't be getting anything this year...

leoemma · 30/06/2008 21:04

As a teacher I say dont bother. I do keep everything I get given but if she had liked her teacher then a card with a short message is better than a gift. If she didnt like her then its fine not to get anything. Agree with WWW its voluntary and if you were happy with the teacher.

expatinscotland · 30/06/2008 21:05

I got our nursery teachers the nicest we could afford because they are FAB!

But if DD1 had to go to her local school with that cow for a teacher, I wouldn't get her jack. In fact, even better, my kid just won't go there at all.

pointydog · 30/06/2008 21:09

Don't bother. Really. N oone wants a reluctant gift.

Original poster

NigellaTheOriginal · 30/06/2008 21:10

but I actually quite like DDs teacher and feel rather sorry for her having to put up with DD all year.
perhaps a bottle of red from me?

OP posts:

AbbeyA · 01/07/2008 07:31

It is voluntary-you shouldn't feel obliged.

laurz75 · 01/07/2008 07:46

If you like her then get her something from you. Don't make it into a big hoo-hah from your daughter though. A little card is always nice to recieve from parents (even if you've struggled with their little darling all year!).

mamablue · 01/07/2008 08:25

I organise a collection at the end of each school year. We all put in £2 and buy a present between us. However, last year my DD had an awful time largely due to the inability of her teacher in dealing with a class bully. I did not like the teacher myself and found her rude and mostly not very good at her job. She also had a lot of time off and this really disrupted DD's learning. Anyway, I quietly opted out of organising the class present and decided not to buy her anything myself. She must have been aware of this as I always organise it and there was no class present as no one else bothered to take over. I did smile though when she handed all the parent helpers a potted plant and thank you card for their help, except me!!!

CoffeeCrazedMama · 01/07/2008 08:34

Mamablue at £2. We are all emotionally blackmailed by PTA alpha mummies into £10 (Christmas as well)! At one point I had 4 dcs in the same primary school, too!

mamablue · 01/07/2008 09:28

CoffeeCrazedMama (loving your name) £10 What craziness!! As a former primary teacher I would be mortified to think parents had spent that much on a present. We usually collect around £60 and can buy lots of nice stuff for class teacher and TA with that. We have collected in the same way for teacher's weddings and having babies too. £2 is a reasonable amount to give and almost everyone donates. I could never ask someone for £10 especially if they have more than one child. What happens if you say no or is that too difficult with P.T.A. Alpha mummy breathing down your neck?

ecoworrier · 01/07/2008 09:33

I have never bought one in my life. If my children have had a good year and liked their teacher, they make a card and sometimes a small gift.

If I am especially pleased with the teacher, I write a small card or letter saying thanks.

As each child leaves the school, we have bought a gift for the school.

I hate the trend of everyone giving teachers presents - every year you hear parents moaning and bitching about the school and particular teachers, then at the end of year they are the first in line with the ubiquitous flowers and chocs.

And I have several relatives who teach, some of whom get the most horrendous presents. Unfortunately, one of the said relatives then recycles the presents to us and other relatives as birthday and Christmas presents. Some of them have to be seen to be believed!

foofi · 01/07/2008 09:36

I don't think £10 is over the odds - they have looked after your children for a whole year.

Even if I hated the teacher I would buy a present - more for the sake of the child really, as they can feel left out if their friends have brought presents and they haven't. Also there's the issue that you might end up encountering that teacher again - maybe with a different sibling, so best to leave on good terms.

mamablue · 01/07/2008 09:40

foofi. I can say, hand on heart, that whether or not a child has given me a present has absolutely no bearing on how I feel about that child if I have them in my class again. Teachers do not expect presents and it can be really embarassing to receive expensive gifts for doing your job (which is a pleasure anyway)

A home made card or letter is the best thank you by far!

foofi · 01/07/2008 09:42

Tosh. Bottle of wine is the best present.

mamablue · 01/07/2008 09:44

lol at wine! I must be quite a sad teacher then. I have a box full of lovely handmade cards and wobbly thank you notes I have treasured for years.

hotcrossbunny · 01/07/2008 09:47

I agree - a nice card from you would be enough. Wouldn't make your dd give something tbh.

If you are collecting money from the parents, do you think the money should be split 50:50 between class teacher and TA, or slightly adjusted in favour of the teacher, to allow for the extra responsibility and work she does?????

Marina · 01/07/2008 09:47

Ds has had a horrible teacher this year (personality-wise, we haven't complained officially to the school because we are spineless she has been just about OK in terms of their progress) and I have refused to contribute to the class present or even sign her card.
We are normally willing and appreciative present-givers, every other teacher he's had has been fab.

foofi · 01/07/2008 09:48

50:50.
TBH the assistant has done all the crappy jobs like cleaning up wee/paint etc, and they get paid hardly any money, so they probably deserve more!

OverMyDeadBody · 01/07/2008 09:49

Foofi, £10 may not be over the odds for you, but not everyone has that kind of spare cash. And anyway, they have been paid to look after our children for a whole year, presents aren't compulsory or necessary.

I don't do presents for teachers, and if the pta tried to organise a collection, I would politely decline to contribute.

OverMyDeadBody · 01/07/2008 09:51

mamablue I have a box of wobbly handwritten cards too that I've treasured for years from my pupils!

mamablue · 01/07/2008 09:56

Much better than a bottle of wine OverMyDeadBody {smile]

mamablue · 01/07/2008 09:57

whoops wrong brackets !

CoffeeCrazedMama · 01/07/2008 10:18

mamablue, to answer your question, you get a certain look from the pta rep who has cornered you, which says you are not playing the game, doing your bit, etc. Or they say, oh ok, but in a way that says they think you are mad/ungrateful/poor/stingey...

Only said no once for a teacher who had been vile to me and worse to ds, and it was not a comfortable experience!

mamablue · 01/07/2008 11:41

CoffeeCrazedMama. How charming. I think the teacher would be horrified to think parents were being intimidated into contributing to a gift for her. I know I would.

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