Sorry this is long and prob all over the place but my head is a mess right now. My ds is 14, just started year 10 last week (he turned 14 in the summer) and we are already in a nightmare with school. He just will not go.
Since Monday its been a battle every single morning. He stays in bed and refuses point blank to get up, pulls the covers over his head and tells me to f off. If I try and pull the duvet he lashes out, kicking and shouting. On Wednesday he shoved me so hard I nearly fell into the wall. Yesterday he threw a shoe at me when I was begging him to at least just get dressed. He ended up not going in at all 3 days this week.
Thing is it hasn’t come out of nowhere. In year 7 he was okish at the start, not top of the class but he went in most days, had detentions for forgetting homework and talking too much but teachers said he was clever if he applied himself. By year 8 it got worse, he started saying teachers hated him, getting isolated a few times for arguing and answering back. They rang me loads to come and collect him cos he refused lessons. He got one suspension last year for swearing at a teacher and walking out of class.
Now year 10 is GCSEs and he says he cant do it, its too hard, he doesnt see the point. He says school makes him feel sick. He said on Monday morning “I’m not going, I’d rather be dead than sit in that place again” and then he slammed his door so hard the frame cracked. I was shaking after.
At home it feels like all the anger comes out on me. If I try to take his phone at night he will grab it back off me, pushing me out the way. He towers over me shouting right in my face. He has called me a bitch more times than I can count. My younger dd (9) hides in her room when he starts, she says her tummy hurts when he is like that. I feel like I am letting her down too.
School keep saying he needs to be in or they will fine me but I dont no how I am supposed to physically get a 14 yr old boy who is taller and stronger than me out of bed and into uniform when he is threatening and hitting out. Last year they mentioned maybe CAMHS or behaviour support but nothing happened and the GP said waitlist is massive. I feel like no one listens until it ends up in total crisis.
His dad is useless, he sees him once every month or two and just says I need to be stricter, but when I try to set rules ds just goes nuclear. Dad never sees that side. He just takes him for Nando’s and buys him trainers so of course ds worships him and hates me.
I am so ashamed. I feel like other mums cope fine with teenagers being moody but mine is violent, refusing school and making my life hell. I dont no what to do anymore. I’ve cried nearly every night this week after fighting with him. I feel like I am living with a stranger, not my little boy.