Not getting the A level results they needed

[Devonmaid148]

Today is A level results day. Ever since my Son got his results I have found today a very stressful day. My son got his results 8 years ago and I still feel the pain of it. He was all set to go to Uni. Excited for the future. Had been working his socks off.
He didn’t get the grades he needed and it all but crushed him. I’d never ever seen him in the state he got himself into that night. I thought he would do something stupid. To see him like that was dreadful. I hope I never see anything like that again. School couldn’t care less. I felt as far as they were concerned he had his results and washed their hands of him. He had no plan B.
I managed to get him on a course through clearing, a good Uni too, but by then he had hit rock bottom. As far as he was concerned he had failed. Failed at life and was a failure. I spent the next year doing my best to support him every way I could. He then took a year out and lived in his room for a full year. Grew a beard. Did nothing but do on line gaming. Never went out.
mom the last day the he at he could say he was going back, signed back on. Spent the next 2 years surviving but not living. He passed with a 2:2.
He used his degree to get on a grad course in a completely different field than he started out in. He loved it. Lives in the City now. Successful, happy, healthy. This long tale is to say what ever happens today with your results it’s not the be all and end all. It’s the beginning. I just hope none of your kids hit the low mine did. It still traumatises me now. Good luck to you and know whatever happens it’s probably for a reason. I wish you the very best.

This is such a good post! Too difficult for them in the moment to accept that ‘rejection is redirection’, but on reflection later it is a really good maxim /am going to gently try to spread that 😀😀😀

Completely agree! Yet another cumbersome anachronism (part of the whole dysfunctional education system).
Until recently I was a secondary teacher v and 6th form tutor so guiding my tutees through the UCAS system, reading personal statements (utterly pointless) and waiting references (ditto). Saw lots of disappointment on Results Day, and a lot of crying parents who made it worse for their DC (not saying anyone on here is one of those - one parent was inconsolable and her son was trying to comfort her. Mine was an indie with lots of foreign born parents who wanted the Oxbridge brand and would bully subject teachers and the school onto inflating predicted grades — with the inevitable disappointments locked down the line to Results Day.
It’s a real shame that Tony Blair who came in with a huge mandate and could have overhauled the system squandered the opportunity -and indeed made it worse by expanding the sector and making it a bane of honor to go to uni, rather than just one pathway for the most academic.

You have to process the disappointment, it’s ok to be blue about it.

It’s good to have a think, and maybe come up with some Plan Bs, etc.

Absolutely. I'm still a secondary school teacher and have a son about to go into Y13. He's my youngest, so it will be the last time I go through this as a parent at least. The whole thing needs an overhaul, including universities - what a mess they are in!

Life does have a Funny way of working out. And often for the better.

I don’t believe ‘everything happens for a reason’.
But, i do believe that you make the best of the hand you’ve been dealt.
Fate can be a cruel game.

I don’t know if you intended to misquote me, but I intentionally didn’t say that ‘everything happens for a reason’. Because I do not believe that everything is for a reason. It’s more a generic mantra in life.
I think from failure comes growth.

Totally empathise to those with sad and devastated children. We’re only as happy as our unhappiest child, and exam results days amplify that feeling I’m sure.

Rejection is redirection, that’s good. Must remember, for life in general.

My kids are just about to start their exam years. And reading the replies here, seeing other threads about A Level results / universities etc it’s the same themes.

My conclusion is that they should apply for university with grades in hand, the next year. The more agonising and sad news I see (interspersed with muted happiness because it’s hard to celebrate when others are so gutted), the more I think it’s the best way forward.

The education system won’t change, we’ve got incompetent politicians. With no motivation to change it. Like a previous poster said, Blair was the most likely to change it and he did. Sadly what he did fcked it up even more.

I missed out on Oxbridge and went to Bristol. I was ultimately really glad, as I just don't think the teaching methods at Oxbridge would have suited me, and I had a great time at Bristol.

DN got a first at Oxford. They were desperate for him to stay to do a postgraduate degree but he decided to go to St Andrew's instead. He was enjoyed St Andrew's - both the course and university life - much more than Oxford.

I failed my A-Levels 22 years ago, god I feel
old. Went to another via clearing, left 2 years later as I hated it. I started a paid apprenticeship and after 5 years I got my degree in the relevant subject. Led onto a fantastic career, far better than I imagined I would ever be in if I had got my initial uni choice. It definitely feels like the end of the world but things have a way of working out.

Edited to remove as posted twice

This is a great thread. I have been supporting my DS for the last few days. He did not make his offer grades and he was totally devastated. He has been ringing around in clearing and has some good offers but just doesn't want to go to the unis that will take him. He is reluctantly coming around to the idea of resitting next year as going to one of the unis he wanted to go to is more important than just going to any old one.

His best friend missed his offer grades too but his uni was more flexible and let him in anyway. He has been so sweet and kind to my DS (who is genuinely happy for him) and they have been hanging out together all day today. Sometimes friends can help kids heal and see a bright future better than parents can.

We have also been talking about Plan B - apprenticeships, working, as well as resits. We will figure it out together. I have had a few low moments, just seeing him so sad but have kept my tears for private.

Yes for my DD the crushing disappointment she feels is because she was predicted 3A* and didn't get them. She still got good grades but of course she had hugely got her hopes up and the teachers constantly made her feel she would get the predicted grades.

I am heartbroken seeing her so disappointed with grades she would be delighted with if predicted grades didn't exist.

The whole system needs to change. It's BS.

Have you put in for a priority remark? As it is so close, it is worth it. I heard the great news today that a family member has been rightfully upgraded to an A* following a priority remark. If you haven't already, speak to the Oxford college and ask if they will honour the offer if the remark is successful. X

Hi sorry I don't really know how to use these forums! I just wanted to say that for one mark it is definitely worth seeking a priority remark. Get in touch with the Oxford college and ask if they will honour the offer if it goes up when remarked.

Well done to your daughter - when she gets there can she suggest uni starts in January rather than Sept - and this whole stupid prep for uni the kids do before A levels is done after they have grades in hand in August. It’s insane these kids are told to choose a uni, accommodation etc that a couple of points may then change the projectory of their life. They need grades in hand like other countries. The unis are also crying out for money, yet they are spending time getting kids ready for uni that then sadly don’t make the grades or change their mind. The teachers are doing this predicated grade thing, kids are under so much pressure. Move the start to January - avoid this and then also these kids can work in lead up to Christmas helping the economy but also themselves with some savings

I’m with you, same situation and 3 weeks on I’m still heartbroken for my dd. She missed her Oxbridge offer by one grade and was devastated. Has accepted her insurance offer and is being brave …. but it’s not her dream and I can see some of her spark is gone, it’s so so tough watching your child go through this. I know life throws disappointments but that doesn’t make it any easier. Sending you a hug from one mum to another x

We are just coming out the other side of 3 weeks of top stress. DS has decided to resit his A levels. He did get clearing offers but nothing that rocked his boat and a very tempting Foundation Year at his insurance - but he decided that he'd prefer to take another shot and improve his grades. Hopefully, this time next year we will be celebrating.

My older DS missed out on Oxford too but he went to Durham and is really getting a lot out of it. In many ways, I am glad he didn't go to Oxford now, despite the massive disappointment at the time.

That was us a few years back and it was a miserable period. I can only say let them have time to work through the disappointment and not feel rushed into making a decision.

Dc took a year out (which happened to be during Covid so although opportunities were limited it meant first year of uni was not as disrupted by lockdowns) during which they developed more resilience and refocussed, got some work experience, reapplied, got 5 unconditional offers, went to what was the previous insurance choice and it has worked out. Now doing a postgrad in same city, working towards a vocational career and has a group of good friends.

Good luck and hope it similarly comes good for them.