Moving to state school after independent school

[Mommybearx]

Hi,

Please tell me about your experience with a child who went from primary independent school to state secondary school.

I need to make that big decision whether to or not to and would love to hear how your children got on and how you feel about the move in hindsight.

I’m worried that going from an all girls bubble my DD will find it hard. The catchment area we are in means the school does have a high number of children with behavioural issues and send children… however I need to decide whether to push the boat and carry on at independent or just hope for the best and save the money with all the extra VAT

thank you!

Where do you live OP? Where I am (London) the state schools are good and friends who have done the same move as you have been a little surprised to discover their new classmates are also middle class. (Lol!)

I think the move from primary to secondary is quite a bit adjustment for anyone, but of course the state primaries prepare the kids for state secondaries in a way the private schools might not. State secondaries tend to be massive now so that is the biggest difference. And if you’re not used to a diverse range of abilities and classes then perhaps that will be an adjustment, although I’m sure your kids are kind and inclusive.

There are a handful of kids in my dc’s year 7 who went to private primaries and they’re getting along just fine. As a pp has said, they find their tribe - ours is probably the ‘middle class’ group of kids with similar home lives. Would definitely recommend starting some clubs to socialise beforehand. Also, just be positive about the school - I’m sure you will be, but do avoid any narrative that it’s less good or less supportive than a private school.

I experienced this as a child. My parents moved me from an all girls school to the local state school (in the countryside) and i absolutely LOVED IT. Private school (for me) was stuffy, judgy, constantly trying to keep up with other kids who were wealthier, who went on more holidays or had bigger houses, tough things to navigate when you’re 12. it made me very shy, and I was terrified of boys (not a good life skill for the world). This was pre social media but anorexia etc was becoming cool and I was close to going that way.

Moving to a state school made me feel normal, yes you have the ‘rough lot’ but it was large enough that everyone found their own groups. It also made me have local friends and I think a better rounded person for the big wide world

Talk to you DD, I agree with a previous post, a lot depends on family expectations, peer groups and your DD internal motivation. I have friends who did private school and they haven’t really done too much with their life, they haven’t seen how the real world works and lack motivation (not saying this is true for everyone!)

How do you know it has a high number of children with behavioural issues? Knowing how many children with SEN go doesn’t give anyone the breakdown of what their additional needs are….

Take them all out now and use the (probably decent) primary schools and then think about them going back to private later if needed.

Private primary is pretty unnecessary generally unless you are very unlucky with your local provision.

A lot depends on the school, but remember less than 10% of kids go to private schools. The majority are state educated and there are a lot of great state schools. I watched Adolescence too - very happy to report that the school in that was nothing like my kids' inner city comp. Obviously there are good and bad schools in both sectors though. Don't financially cripple yourself. Give the state option a try. Be upbeat about it with your DD. Good luck!

I did this with both my kids. They went to different schools. They are absolutely fine. The school
had 2 different halves so only really had to get to know half the pupils at first. And it’s nothing like the Adolescence school. Although they did manage a whole fire drill very efficiently! They got put in top sets which helped. Do they know anyone else going although the schools help them bond. They do definitely find their tribe and as there are so many more people, easier to find a similar person.

This is really good advice. Having done both state and private I would agree.

Two of the reasons I moved my son in Year 9 from a comprehensive to a private school was disruption in lessons and cover teachers not teaching him much.

I’ve just moved my DD from a (supposedly very highly regarded girls’ private school) for both these reasons - plus some pretty awful bullying that was just swept under the carpet. Not all private schools are very good beneath the surface - I would gather as much information as you can before making the decision. And the other thing that I now know is that moving schools is very difficult! We found it pretty tricky to move her to another private school (the good ones don’t have a lot of spaces and you don’t want to pay £££ for a poor one) - and it was impossible to move her to any of the highly rated state schools (because they don’t have any spaces at all!).

In my experience(not personal, but observed), the big difference is the number of things that are covered by fees and happen at school at a private school but which you have to organise yourself and pay for at a state school. In some cases this includes wrap round care. You need to do a lot of research.

Tried to edit my last post to say “one of the big differences..” but it wouldn’t let me, sorry.

I think you would be pretty surprised at how quickly children will re-settle. In terms of academics, in my experience, the core subjects can be taught as will, if not better in many cases, though you do lose the extra musical/sport ing opportunities, but provided you're a hands-on parent willing to sit on the touchline, you can still provide these opportunities.

In terms of friendships... kids are kids wherever you go. If they have solid values and fit in in their current school, they would likely fit in anywhere...

I think in an ideal world, you’d do it the other way around. So state primary and independent secondary.

Bit mad to be scared by a tv drama into fearing state school where the vast majority of the population go and do fine. Sounds like it’ll be good for them to move now and grow up being okay around everyone else instead of staying in their little curated bubble being in fear. The benefits they get from being around others including boys (who aren’t all homicidal incels) will be a good education. And good kids tend to do well wherever they go with supportive parents.

Also believing you will miss all this by private schools is misleading.
Mixed state school girls can learn to give out “go away “ vibes, and those nice dances between different single sex schools - nevermind the parties later can be an eye opener. 12 pm time for “spirits”, and plenty of money for drugs.
And just because a boy goes to a private school doesn’t mean he isn’t infected by incel culture (and some schools do still cover things up)

Completely agree that private isn’t always amazing, I do find (all girls) the girls are taught to be ‘leaders’ but this comes out wrong. They become very opinionated where it’s borderline rude, but I think it settles as they get into the teens.

My eldest benefits from the smaller groups and intervention groups for spellings etc and I think she will find it difficult in a class for 30 when she needs re-explaining something, parents evening feedback is always she needs things broken down but once she’s got it she’s got it.

Thank you for the suggestion. I think if she goes to state school I will put her back in for sixth form if that felt it was needed (by then I’m sure she’ll have made friends)

It’s all up in the air as I’m going through a divorce and although my ex is keeping the company which has always funded all children he doesn’t want to pay so if he gets away with that then yes I have decided it’s too much for me to fund by myself, and atleast I could do sixth form when that time comes if required.

She is worried about boys as she isn’t use to it but I’ve explained they aren’t all bad! Research does show that girls thrive in a all girls school as they are less shy to interact in lesson etc but like someone has mentioned only 10% go to independent and I know there are some state girls schools but not one near us, I went to a mixed state school myself, you get use to your situation

Will know within a month.