Prep and onto grammar, or save for private secondary?

[Fourthmusketeer]

Hi all, looking for a bit of advice on the value of private prep...

DS is currently in Y1, and I just can't shake the feeling that he'd really thrive at our local prep school. His state school is a good school, but I feel the environment at the prep would really help him come out of his shell. He's bright and loves to learn but he lacks confidence, and I think in the right setting he'd flourish.

The prep school is a 5 minute walk from the house with loads of local kids, so I don't have that worry.

Problem is, I've looked at the finances and assumed a 10% uplift in fees each year. On this basis, we can comfortably afford it now up until year 6, with the aim of him then going on to the grammar for secondary (assuming of course he gets in and it's the right setting for him). Given we also have a second child who we would want to provide the same opportunities for, we can't easily afford prep for DS2 alongside private senior for DS1. Granted I've assumed a 10% uplift in fees and no movement in our own salaries, but I wanted to prepare for worst case.

If we didn't send him now, we could spend his primary years saving the money to cover the majority of his secondary fees, in case the grammar wasn't an option. Our state secondary schools here aren't very good.

Or...we sent him to the prep, and just figure out the secondary bit later on 🤣

I feel like objectively it makes sense to delay until secondary and save the money, but I can't help feel that setting the right foundations for him now would be invaluable.

Thanks for reading, and any advice would be appreciated!

I don’t know your area but here the Grammar provides a lot of the extras - trips - drama - music that the private sector does . In my case I think the Grammar is better at this than the Private . Children experience these things at an older age , my DC don’t remember at all a lot of the experiences we invested in when they were primary age - not without photos anyway.

The weekly updates parents get from
schools about what’s going on would be interesting reading for you from
both schools if you can access them online or via an existing parent .

Private schools near us are also served by a pretty good extensive private bus service which covers quite a huge area . This impacts friendships and independence outside school for my youngest . Also I think it impacts the trips offered as they always need to be back to connect with the latest bus ! Not sure if that’s peculiar to our school though . The Grammar child has done some brilliant trips - because they just expect us to pick up at midnight if that’s what’s required 😂

I think it depends so much on the exact prep school and whether the fit is just right.

my DD has just finished a prep school that was frankly not the greatest (though many parents were happy) and simply a terrible fit. I wish we’d taken her out and not wasted the money but we kept hoping it would get better (and we didn’t want to disrupt her, after a certain point!) It was 7 years of extremely expensive childcare. For us, anyway. I guess only you know the quality of the prep you’re thinking of and how well you think he would fit there. Good luck, im sure you’ll make the right decision!!

@twistyizzy glad I checked on the VAT, they've currently added 14% to the fees. I thought they'd done the full 20% so glad that was mentioned!

@ShadesOfPemberley I do think the prep would be an excellent fit for him. They have an open day in March so I think we'll go along. I'm not sure whether to bring DS, it's a difficult one to explain to him and I don't want to worry him unnecessarily. I want his view, but ultimately we decide! Tricky!

I got to the point a few days ago where I was satisfied with my budget, had factored in decent holidays etc and was satisfied we could afford it, so was heading towards putting him in the prep...and then I freaked out about it all and worried myself that it could be a bad decision as he's happy where he is! Continue to go round in circles! Hopefully the open day will help

I would go with the advice upthread to talk to his current teachers about the likelihood of him getting a place at the grammar school. I would not want to risk a situation where he'd have to move from prep to a rough state secondary. I would also look at other state primary schools if you have any others nearby as the quality and ethos varies greatly.

Like you, we could afford private but with sacrifices. We ended up moving to an area with excellent state schools (no grammar schools). It ended up being a very good decision for us and the have DC thrived there. However, even in their very good state secondary schools children who arrive from preps struggle to adapt and often end up being pulled back out and going private.

I think in part it depends what you want from private and whether you are looking for higher academic performance or a more nurturing environment / smaller classes and the benefits that brings.

We moved my daughter at 7 from state infants to private primary as the local junior school was very big. She's bright and I think academically would be fine in state, but is waiting for assessment for ADHD and ASD and gets overwhelmed in big groups (other school has 400 on the playground at lunchtime) and is quite timid so in a class of 32 would have struggled.

We are also in a grammar area and had similar thoughts about investing now or later. We have sent her now (so year 3-6) because in terms of wellbeing and confidence and managing sensory overload it's the right environment - so that was the driver rather than believing academically teaching was necessarily better.

A lot depends on the 'why' in my mind re private primary. We may make different choices for our younger child as they are a very different personality.

@Glitterbaby17 thank you for your response, I completely agree that it depends what you want from private. For us it is more about the supportive environment. Our DS also gets overwhelmed by big groups, and I can see how anxious he gets sometimes in these big group settings. For example dropping him off at breakfast club and seeing him stand on the outside of his friendship group waiting to be invited in, because he isn't confident enough to almost charge in and announce himself! So I feel like in a smaller, more supportive setting his confidence will grow

What would you do if he went to prep now but didn't get into grammar? I agree with asking his teacher - my son was state school then grammar and we knew he'd have a good chance of getting into grammar from year 1. I teach year 2 and already the ones who are likely to get into grammar school stand out naturally. If he's not really up there then it may be best to continue with state primary then move to private for secondary. There is also the option of enrolling him into something like stagecoach or cadets to help his confidence now

That is what a lot of people do here in Trafford. The Preps sell themselves on their 11+ pass rate.

@Fourthmusketeer are you able to say which grammar area you are thinking about?
People will be able to give more tailored advice.

What if your DC doesn't get into grammar? Will they go to state secondary or remain in private education? Can you afford that?

I live in a grammar area, the vast majority of DC go to state primary and get a tutor.
If they pass, they go to grammar, if they don't, quite a few then go to private school - their parents having saved up a pot during the primary years.

If you can afford primary and secondary in private education for both your DC then it's no issue. If you can only afford primary or secondary in private education, I would prioritise secondary school.

BTW, teachers will know very early on which DC are more academic. I remember when I relocated to where we are now. My DC was on his last day of Y1, the headteacher came over and said she wished us well and she will miss my DC's SATs results in Y6!

@Pipsquiggle thanks for your post, I'm in the southwest and specifically looking at Bishops Wordsworth Grammar in Salisbury. It's excellent, and ranked in the top 10 in the southwest.

I don't think we could afford private primary and secondary, so I feel like it really is a choice. We'd be pinning a lot on the grammar, which is where I wonder whether the prep will provide him the best possible choice. There is another state secondary about 20mins away from us which is quite good, so that could potentially be an option, but I am also worried about what it would be like going from private primary to state secondary if he doesn't get into the grammar!

I think I just want to give him more opportunities and help him come out of his shell more. On top of that, I've got a very demanding job, so knowing there's excellent wrap-around care and extra curriculars would help!

There is no guarantee he will get into the grammar. And if he does, there is no guarantee he will like it. My DD aced Kent (top 1% - out of catchment but scored highly enough to be able to go anywhere), did reasonably well in local super selective, and didn’t get enough in other out of catchment test to be offered a place on offer day (not even sure she would have gotten in on the waiting list). All three had different exams. Unfortunately none of the exams are perfect so there is a chance of not doing well, either because of the exam or the way you feel on the day. She went to one of the grammars, but it didn’t work for her, so we moved her to private. If I was you, I would 100% start at state. You could consider the 7+, but I would save my money until secondary. You will probably find that in the prep, most (or all) of those who went to the grammar were tutored.

My friends prep did really poor 11+ prep. As others say, it isn’t in their interest to do it well if they are a through school.