moaning blardy parents read this

[PuffCoddy]

www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/life_and_style/education/article3734696.ece

At our secondary the children who are consistently in the most trouble, are the ones whose parents do not back the school up. It's not related to parental wealth or education or anything else, but how the parents react when told of their misdeeds.

I think it's a natural parental reaction to want to protect and defend your children, but fgs if you spent a day inside many ms comps these days I can guarantee you would be shocked and horrified at the general day-to-day behaviour and attitudes of the students, that counts as 'normal'. I've worked in one for three years, and I'm still horrified every time I go back after a few weeks' break!

A Year 10 kid I teach came to my lesson the other week and told me (quite proudly) that's he'd been arrested two nights' previously for stealing from the sweet shop opposite the school gates. He was moaning about the shopkeeper 'overreacting' and I told him he was being ridiculous and I didn't blame the shopkeeper. Boy then tells me: "It's ok though cos my dad went to the shop yesterday, bollocked the shopkeeper and threatened to knock him out."

and what reason did the dad have, given that his son had been caught red-handedly stealing?...ah yes, the shopkeeper was exploiting the kids by having a shop opposite a school and what did he expect?

I told the boy I was disgusted at his cowardice and he should take his punishment and not hide behind his dad. He realised I meant it and had the decency to look shamefaced. He was creepy round me all that week, trying to get back in my good books. And I felt a bit sorry for him - of course he behaved liked that if his dad, in turn, endorses his bad behaviour and challenges anyone that dares to punish him.

i have had a mum sit opposite me in parents evening telling me barefacedly in front of her son that my subject was the only one he did badly in because he did not like it and found it boring.

doesn't this woman know that I have to sign his Head of Year report after every lesson?

so you just smile and end the conversation.

that was 2 yrs ago. He has since dropped from Set 1 to set 3 where he is still lazy, sitting at the bottom - all because his mum thinks the teachers ask too much of him to pull his finger out and get some work done.

One mother blamed her son's poor behaviour on 'girls' in the classroom. I was asked to make sure that he did not have a girlfriend now or until his GCSE's were over!!??
Reading one boys log of poor behaviour to him, I asked him to explain why he felt he could get away with it and why other children should suffer. He told me to fuck off and walked away. Which translated to mum as, "and I told Miss that I was going because I strongly disagreed with her point."
When she rang to defend him I laughed. She eventually believed me.

I agree that most parents don't know the half of what goes on in schools, and I think teaching is often a thankless task. I also don't expect teachers to be perfect, and accept they make mistakes, cos they're human, just like the rest of us.

I understand that teachers have a class of 30, whereas my only concerns are for my three little darlings. I have, in fact, had massive support from one particular teacher.

I have almost always supported their school/teachers even when I've disagreed with them privately, and accept that my children may lie, although DS3 is renowned for being brutally honest, often to his own detriment.

I do know however that one of their teachers has lied to me in the past, amongst other suspect behaviour.

I am also conscious that I failed to follow up a situation with a member of staff when DS1 first started secondary. I put the ongoing situation down to "clash of personalities" "getting used to new school/new rules" etc etc. I then met a woman who knew this teacher from 20+ years before and her instant reaction made me think that I maybe should have intervened. When we next met with the Head of Year, I mentioned his slide in this subject, and although the HOY was very professional, unfortunately her face also told me that this teacher had unfortunately not been so professional.

That is two members of staff I've come across in 10 years of education, so very minor in percentage terms, but the point I'm trying to make is that sometimes parents do need to intervene on their child's behalf.

ureb, I absolutely agree with all of your post. I am sure that those of us parents who support the school, aim to work with the teachers and back them up where needed etc, haven't the faintest idea what teachers in secondary school have to put up with from some parents.
But I recently found something out that made me wish with all my heart I had not held back from communicating my worries to the head teacher. My instinctive dislike of one individual turns out to have been completely justified it seems. And I kept writing it off as a "personality clash" - with both me and ds - too.
Luckily for ds we are talking small beer and primary level, nothing of the magnitude of the incidents on this thread and in the OP link. But we have definitely encountered a rare bad apple

Had one parent explain to dh how her son calling dh "a twat" wasn't swearing.

I've had a mother trying to explain that her son telling me to 'Fuck off' when I asked him (politely) to do up his top button was actually her fault, because his shirt didn't fit.....which was a lie of the finest water!

mb she must be very proud!

When I was a child (way back throught the mists of time). You didn't tell your parents you'd beeen in trouble at school and prayed to god that they didn't find out, cos whatever punishment you suffered at school was small fry compared to what your parents would do to you. How will kids ever learn respect if their parents don't instill in them?
However, in one of my meaner mummy moments, DS1 got into trouble at school when he was 6 for hitting another child. I was bloody furious, and in a rant on the way home said that I was ashamed of hos behaviour. A little voice piped up from the back of the car 'but Mummy I don't know what ashamed is'. I pulled myself together and made sure he did know what it was. My sisters still tease me about how mean I was to him that day

The bit about the Freedom of Information act being invoked made my jaw drop.

I thought that the article was spot on, sadly only too common at all schools.

The term that struck me is "sense of entitlement". Pretty much sums up modern society!

god I hope I don't turn into one of those parents. DS nowhere near school age yet, so I have some time to work on my ishoos regarding school & teachers, which might lead me to be a bit that way inclined. I had three occasions of teachers lying about me to my parents, at different schools, which my parents believed and I was suitably punished for things I hadn't done. I think the teachers disliked me because my social phobia often comes across as arrogance and it was particularly bad when I was a kid. Since I found schoolwork easy, I also got bored and said things that sounded sarcastic (but again this was mainly due to my poor social skills. So many times I got the 'are you trying to be clever?' line, and I didn't know why what I'd said was wrong). Nightmare to have in your class I guess, and I understand why teachers thought I was a spoilt brat. But I still find it hard to forgive some of the bullying I received from teachers - I was occasionally bullied by fellow pupils, but mostly teachers. I still have a phobia about schools, I get stomach ache when I walk past a school playground, the sound takes me back to how miserable I was. Oh dear, I'm going to have to work on it... Maybe I'll put DH in charge of school communications. He had a great time at school.

I often wonder how the perfect progeny of crazed heliopter tyrants parents are going to cope in the work place where they will be subjected to rules:

Start work at such and such a time

Will be expected to complete tasks in a certain time period

Will be expected to work with people from all strata of society and backgrounds but most importantly,

Will be expected to be accountable and responsible for their own behaviour and actions.

They are in for a rude awakening if they have not grasped these simple concepts by the time they leave the confines of the education system.

Parents can't win.

Schools want/expect parents to support the children in all sorts of ways, and rightly so, but at the same time they don't want them sticking their beaks in.

Beckster's post highlights something I've often wondered about - how many children were bullied by teachers, just because their parents weren't involved and the teacher's word was Gospel? Quite possibly a small number, I don't know, but it certainly occurred.

As in everything else, there is a balance to be found, but sometimes both parents and teachers can be in the wrong (or in the right but with differing perspective).

I think teachers want parents to support children in ways that enhance their learning and make them easier to teach.