What has been most helpful for your dyslexic child?

[Curlewwoohoo]

That's it! Things at school, things at home.

@mybeautifulhorse I'm not sure if this was directed at me, but my husband who is very dyslexic also always thought our daughter was dyslexic from when she started but the school didn't ever think she was (they said she just needs to learn the proper spelling rules and hadn't, possibly because of covid lockdown etc). Also in the reading, writing and maths tests she was pretty much average or 'at expected'. However, I think the problem with taking the average is that you miss the detail of where a child is struggling if they are over compensating in other areas. You have already noticed that your son is developing coping strategies which is what I think all dyslexic children have to do to some extent.

It was actually a private tutor that we had used to help with English who advised us to get her assessed for dyslexia. This was in year5 and year 6 of primary and by that point we just had had enough of the school dismissing our concerns so we paid for a private diagnosis (in fact our borough in London doesn't pay for dyslexia assessment anyway so we were always going to have to pay for this).

Also you are right there is a hereditary factor in dyslexia.

Good luck - sounds like you are very aware of what might be going on. Just keep pushing and asking questions but be prepared to have to pay for a diagnosis in the next few years.

This doesn't mean acting as if you don't have it - it means that dyslexics might be very good in other areas of learning which become compensating factors when they are tested in an educational setting.

For instance their spatial and visual reasoning, or ability to understand a story and extract from that might be absolutely brilliant becausee of how they think, but spelling a word or doing fast metal arithmatic might be really difficult.

Toe By Toe.

It certainly happens, but maybe not in the way you're thinking. Many people with dyslexia go unnoticed because of the stereotypes of dyslexia being just a reading difficulty.

I still cant do that as an adult

Kumon English massively helped my DS turn a corner when he was in Y4. We paid for a private DST test which said he was at risk of dyslexia. Getting a formal 'diagnosis' is difficult and very costly. School weren't particularly forthcoming at the time but he wasn't very behind though we knew that he was finding it difficult. Kumon was very repetitive, small daily tasks set for homework (not onerous at all) and then he used to go to the Kumon centre once a week. He was never a scholar but was always happy to go. Did this for around 8 months. He ended up being age expected at Y6.

My DH has dyslexia (but was never diagnosed as a child.) He has always been an avid reader but struggles a lot with writing and spelling (I always have to write out the family birthday cards) but thanks to the reading he has a great vocabulary. He also learnt to use spell check many years ago for work and only uses words he can spell!

Are but you can cheat e.g. get mum to read the bit of your reading book just before school then remember as much as possible and make up the rest when reading aloud. Busy teacher easily fooled.

As per the other posters who have explained, this absolutely DOES happen, especially if dyslexia isn't presenting as mainly a reading problem.
DS was masking his difficulties by finding ways to 'get by' e.g.

• had problems with remembering things only said verbally e.g. teacher says 'read the first chapter as homework' as the class pack up and change lessons - NO CHANCE of him remembering that, so he was always asking friends what the homework was
• he learnt the trumpet up to Grade 5, but (we learnt later) really struggled to read music. He was playing it all from memory/ by ear!
• Up to about age 10 if we went out for a meal he would always agitate to go to somewhere he knew (e.g. pizza express) or ask his brother what he was choosing and have the same. We only realised later it was because he couldn't process reading the menu quickly enough.😟

Undiagnosed dyslexia can create an awful lot of hidden stress and lack of self-esteem. DS later said to me he couldn't understand why so many other people could do things he couldn't. But because he was doing averagely/well enough he passed under the radar at school.

Not sure I'd use the word "cheat" in this context for someone who is trying to manage a workaround to a disability!
Is someone blind who uses a guide dog "cheating" when they walk around without bumping into things? 🙄

@mybeautifulhorse looking back I think Dd's teacher in year 2 wondered if she might be dyslexic. She was struggling with phonics and needed extra help for a delayed screening (due to lockdown). We went to the opticians first port of call and an eye convergence insufficiency was identified, so we thought that was it. Fast forward yr3 she was really struggling to remember spellings. She could learn maybe 2 of 10 a week and they would be gone again the next week. I felt her reading was behind. I noticed she was saying what she thought it said not what it actually said. Small inconsequential words she'd substitute a different word in. Because the meaning was kept she would still get good marks for comprehension, so school hadn't flagged anything. I asked school for a screening which they did for free. School were surprised that it showed high likelihood of dyslexia. We went on to pay for a full assessment. Here in Gloucestershire the LEA does not 'believe' in dyslexia, they call it literacy delay. There is a strong genetic element to dyslexia, but I don't know any other dyslexics in my family.

It wasn't a "workaround", he couldn't read a word and was masking to avoid daily humiliation.

We had DD1 assessed privately at age 7 just before she started year 3. The school recommended an assessor and while she was too young to be tested for all aspects, she was confirmed as dyslexic.
I thoroughly recommend cracking on as soon as you can. You may still need an assessment from your LEA but in the meantime you can use the recommendations, give a copy of the report to the child's teacher and start helping.

Re the masking. I realised that DD was using the pictures of Biff and Chip and guessing the content. If I hid the pictures it became apparent she couldn't read. She really struggled in phonics and spellings once learned would be gone again in a day.

A kindle really helped. She could make the text bigger and the school did a programme called Lexia with her. She became obsessed with Harry Potter and I think the interest drove her to read it.

Lockdown helped weirdly. She had to type her responses so spellcheck pointed out repetitively what small words she kept misspelling and she improved slowly but surely. At various points as she's gotten older we've sat her down with her assessment to remind her of all the stuff she is off the charts bright at. It's easy for all of us to focus on the weaknesses.

She is 13 now, times tables will never be a strong point but she is typing essays now, doing well at school and always has her nose in a book. She is in independent school and they have been wonderfully supportive. It is a huge struggle financially but has made a massive difference to her. I wish that support was accessible to all children who need it. It makes me so angry and it must be incredibly frustrating as a teacher to watch bright children not get the support needed. Never mind the parents.

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@TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams what made you choose an independent school, if you don't mind me asking? I don't think we can afford that. Our choice is the secondary modern in our town, which is walkable from home, good facilities, but was ofsted requires improvement for reading process and Sen support. Or an 11 mile bus to a much smaller secondary, only 700 pupils, not many gcse options, but prides itself on sen support and knowing all the pupils. It's getting the difficult kids from the local school go there now though, wanting support. And the kids who don't get into grammar. So an intreguing mix.

DD was diagnosed at 7, but school were pretty certain by the end of Reception and there was zero doubt by the time she was old enough to be assessed.

Biggest helps:

Touch typing and moving to a laptop as early as possible

Film and theatre

Finding what DD was really good at and focusing on that more than anything else. As a result she has extremely good self-esteem and while she will never be able to spell well or read easily, she can do things that lots of people will never be able to do at all, let alone do well.

As a parent who is hyperlexic, I had to let go of a lot of the ideas I had over what my child would do, and actually it's been more interesting this way. DD also has ADHD so it's not just spelling... I've had to learn a whole lot about neurodiverse brains and thinking.

My DS is dyslexic and goes to a dyslexia school.

They use TTRS https://www.readandspell.com/ everyday to learn to type. Touch typing is really important.

She was already in an independent school who were doing very little, dancing around the subject and not tackling the issue at all. Class sizes were fairly large for an independent school and a variety of factors besides her schooling came into play. We moved house and schooling was a priority decision in that. Bit drastic granted but we'd have probably moved within a year or two anyway.

I don't think that independent school is the be all and end all. You need a school with a decent SEN provision or you will have to either buy outside expertise or do it yourselves. There are providers that do tutoring online. In school, she had group sessions twice a week for 30 mins and daily Lexia [10-15 mins] sessions on a tablet. The tips that the assessment folk gave us were acted upon. Simple stuff like giving her a handout with a question rather than writing it on a board. She'd spend 20 mins transcribing it from the board rather than answering the question. From time to time they worked with her with a scribe to see what difference it made to the volume of her output [massive] and worked with her for her Yr 6 exams so that she was focusing on technique - show evidence of verb, adverb, metaphor etc. So even if she could only write a short paragraph she was maximising her scores.

For me the assessment was the most valuable. How it presents in children can be very different and knowing that your child will struggle to memorise by rote spellings/time tables/a list of instructions [go upstairs, put on socks, find your shoes, get your coat and bag and meet me back here is far too much for example] but can expound for hours, study and become an expert in something that interests them is invaluable.

Re the two schools. Visit them both, see what grabs her. Talk to the staff, if school B are getting all the tricky kids are they getting funding and support. Bear in mind that kids who are bored and frustrated will act up. If they are progressing and engaged and being taught in a different way, "discipline" issues may disappear. Speak to school A, what's their action plan?

Get her assessed. It will be the best money you ever spend. Maybe get a recommendation from school B.

My DS (age 9) had just been diagnosed dyslexic and absolutely masked it at school. We went through the private route after getting a tutor for him a year ago to help with numeracy who spotted lots of signs. He is a brilliant reader - ahead of his age ability wise - so dyslexia isn't just about reading.
His is a processing issue and his issues relate more to numbers and things like telling the time. He got by at school by ticking all the boxes. It's helped understand why he is a bit disorganised and gets overwhelmed when given multiple instructions. So getting the diagnosis in itself has been a huge step forward.

Thanks for the extra info @TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams !@TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams ! We've got her assessment and yes it's really useful.

Her difficulties are around phonological awareness and processing, below average reading accuracy, visual sequencial memory, working memory not coming naturally. She's got strengths in non verbal reasoning and visual spatial ability such as 3D design and construction, that I don't know what to make of as she's not 'in' to things like that at all! She likes writing and wants to be an author.

Focus on what they are good at. I have two ND kids one with dyslexia and they are both doing madly well in certain areas so we focus on those areas. Huge deficits in other areas we find strategies to deal effectively with them but put no emphasis on those areas.

Depends how the dyslexia presents. For example my dyslexic Childs hand writing is beautiful! She's also very well co-ordinated and sporty.

The things that help my DD are;

• writing things down, notes, lists, instructions
• setting alarms to remind her to do things
• making sure she has a copy in front of her (paper or photograph the board etc) (can't process more than one audio instruction) She also cannot track so this helps with that too.
• Having time to process, think through etc
• ensuring school have a profile for her
• ensuring school consult her on changes to profile / interventions etc.

Mine was 8. Think we got her diagnosed at 9. Following home schooling in lock down it was clear that she struggled to process information. She loves guided reading and we'd read the book, chat about what she'd read and she'd give good solid answers, then she would write a paragraph that was nothing like the verbal answer. I noticed she quickly became overwhelmed when faced with more than one instruction. Bizarrely tidying her bedroom i realised she needs one instruction at a time or she'd just sit on the bed. (eg put your clothes away then come and see me)

I strongly disagree with this use of the term "masking". The term will become meaningless if used in just any old way, like this

Extra time in exams. My daughter is dyslexic and her main issue is a processing delay so the extra time was a total game changer for her.

@cranberrypi not entirely sure how else to describe a situation where he copes fine day to day with his dyslexia to the point it hasn't been identified. He has clearly learned strategies to manage it.