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Original poster

Outstanding secondary sch

40 replies

brainsbrains · 18/03/2024 17:34

Son in a local outstanding 2ndary sch and they sent their result/assessment few weeks ago and I was pleased and thought he was s among the top performers
I only just found out today that he isn't and I am not too happy maybe because I thought he was doing so well when in reality he isn't as good as I thought he was and I am a bit upset that I should have known because he is a bit laidback with school work because but I was not too bothered because I thought he was doing extremely well

What can I do to push him up there? Extra tutoring? More discipline at home with sch work?

OP posts:

CruCru · 18/03/2024 17:43

This is an interesting thread. My first thought was that, if he is doing well, does it matter whether he is one of the top performers? The way I read your thread makes me think that you have discovered that he isn't in the top set - please do correct me if I am wrong.

Your thread is titled "Outstanding secondary school" - does this mean that they have lots of very high performers?

spanieleyes · 18/03/2024 18:54

It does sound as if you were quite happy with how he was doing until you found out that others were doing better. Perhaps just encourage him to do the best that he can rather than being aim for better than others.

Skiphopbump · 18/03/2024 18:56

He did well, you were pleased. You found out others did better and now you aren’t happy?

Original poster

brainsbrains · 18/03/2024 19:17

@CruCru You are correct I was happy because thought his good grades fell within the threshold of the top set hence I was relaxed when I observed his laidback attitude towards sch work.
Now I feel like if I had known i would have encouraged him more instead of just leaving him it to it.

@spanieleyes
Yes all his other friends he was in primary sch with are in top set and getting privileges such as invitations to special activities at sch. And he does not seem to care at all and I guess is all because he can't be bothered & maybe laziness too.

@Skiphopbump yes because there is no reason not to be in top set. I know he is very laid back re sch work and I thought his grades were for the top set. Knowing now that if had encouraged him more, and curbed his laidback attitude, he would be in top set.

Btw, I schooled abroad. Is 1st set 2nd set etc a thing in the UK secondary system?

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Dacadactyl · 18/03/2024 19:24

It's a difficult one because he's getting to the age when if you push too hard he could become defiant and dig his heels in more.

In answer to your question, it's my experience that outstanding schools will set the pupils.

My son is like yours. He's in year 7 and a high achiever from primary school, but he's relaxed about schoolwork.

My thoughts on it are that the ethos of the school will have a lot of sway in the coming years. Some schools will really push the top 2 or 3 sets and tell them from year 7 "we expect 9s from you cos you're all capable of it". And this instills competition between the students. There is movement between sets too.

Have you had parents evening yet? Have you spoken to the teachers too see what their take on it is?

clary · 18/03/2024 19:41

Hey @brainsbrains what year is your DS in?

I genuinely don't think it matters if a child is in the top set or not - please don't get hung up on this,. OTOH if a student is not doing as well as they could - whether that be because they are not making the effort, or there is some external issue (friendship issues, bullying for example) - then I think that is worth pursuing.

If he is in KS4 - what GCSE grades is he looking at? Are they a long way from his target grades? If so then I think it is worth chatting to him about his attitude and why good GCSE grades are important. Can you support with GCSE resources (revision guides, flashcards, online revision programmes)? Or does he maybe need some tutoring support in key subjects? What is he planning to do post 16?

If he is in KS3 - well maybe some of the above, but it's perhaps less about focused tutoring and revision sessions and more about his general attitude to schoolwork. Why is he not doing well? Is it about understanding? peer pressure? confidence? interest in subjects (at KS3 ofc there are usually some subjects a student is not keen on and the lack of interest there can permeate across if you are not careful.

fuckityfuckityfuckfuck · 18/03/2024 19:46

Back tf off.

This has absolutely nothing to do with your son or his grades as you were previously happy. This is purely a you issue, wanting him to be 'top'.

chickenpieandchips · 18/03/2024 22:08

What year is he in? Are they even in sets yet?
The school will be very quick to tell you if he's working to his potential (my DS) or could do a bit more to reach it (my DD).
Seems they are happy and he's happy so don't be too upset and looks like he's doing his best. Might also be better to be top of set 2 than bottom of set 1 and have lots of self doubt.

Original poster

brainsbrains · 18/03/2024 22:14

@fuckityfuckityfuckfuck is there anything wrong in me wanting him to be at the top???

No I don't think so

Like I said, when I found that his grades were not top set, I was not happy because he was always laid back about sch work and I know for sure 100% that if he was not laid back he would actually be in top set

If I had known I would have encouraged him more

OP posts:

Original poster

brainsbrains · 18/03/2024 22:14

For all those you asked,

He is in year 7

OP posts:

Original poster

brainsbrains · 18/03/2024 22:16

@chickenpieandchips He is year 7 and yes they in set already at his school or is that not same of all other secondary schools?

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Original poster

brainsbrains · 18/03/2024 22:20

@Dacadactyl Yes you are right and I also thought about what you said. I don't want be very careful

But then we had a chat earlier and he showed all his work and was eager to explain and he was passionately showing me his notebooks like a child in a candy store. I know he loves school and learning is just that little tiny extra effort needed for him

He would rather rush through his work so that he can go on a break than take his time to do it properly or check it over

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chickenpieandchips · 18/03/2024 22:21

My DS secondary 'outstanding' set maths early and then the others followed.
This was based on Sats. He didn't do them as came from private.
He was deemed average as no other guidance, so mid set.
He worked his way up to top set maths. He got a 9.
It's a marathon not a sprint.
My only slightly tiger parent suggestion was to do triple science as only the keen people would do this so it would be a good class by default.

EmmaGrundyForPM · 18/03/2024 22:22

DS1 was in set 1 for Maths in Y7 but got moved to Set 2 in Y8. He did much better in set 2. As his maths teacher said to me at the time, it's better to be top of Set 2 than bottom.of Set 1.

fuckityfuckityfuckfuck · 18/03/2024 22:26

brainsbrains · 18/03/2024 22:14

@fuckityfuckityfuckfuck is there anything wrong in me wanting him to be at the top???

No I don't think so

If I had known I would have encouraged him more

To this extent, yes, there is something massively wrong.

Being proud of your child for being top? Absolutely, be proud, gloat till your hearts content!

Being proud of good grades only until you hear others have done better...wrong on so many levels.

Seriously, back off before he rebels and either a) has a breakdown from the pressure you're putting him under or b) rebels due to the pressure you're putting him under.

CatChant · 18/03/2024 22:34

Comparison is the thief of joy.

You were happy with his grades and the work he was putting in before you knew some other pupils had even higher marks.

Remember it isn’t where you start but where you finish. Your son has a long haul ahead of him and it sounds like he has every chance of getting where he wants to be.

Don’t destroy his enthusiasm and confidence by demanding perfection. You don’t want him to think that nothing will ever be good enough for you because in that case he might just stop bothering at all.

titchy · 18/03/2024 22:36

Is he in the top set or not?

Original poster

brainsbrains · 18/03/2024 22:38

He is in set A2 for those you understand the british system, I am just learning & I only got to know about sets today ( I schooled outside the Uk )

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Dacadactyl · 18/03/2024 22:46

I suspect that's 2nd set from top OP. Theres probably 6-8 sets in each year. He is likely to be with other kids who scored 110 or above in the SATS (if my kids school is anything to go by), so they'll still be looking at high grades for him.

I wouldn't worry too much at this stage. There's lots of movement in the sets as they get older.

converseandjeans · 18/03/2024 22:47

How did you find out? I think if you were happy before then you need to relax a bit. He's 11/12 years old. He sounds like he is enjoying showing you his work. A school day is hard work for them - why do you want him to do even more work? Also if it's outstanding then there are possibly more able learners than in other schools.

titchy · 18/03/2024 22:47

Well there's no British system (or English system - education is different across all four nations!), so what is A2? Is the number the set? Regardless. Being disappointed is not helpful or supportive. And kids do best academically with helpful and supportive parents. If he's near the top of set 2 then a bit of gentle encouragement might be what is needed to persuade his teachers to let him try set 1. But please leave off the disappointment.

Bluevelvetsofa · 18/03/2024 22:50

Not everyone can be in the top set. All you can ask is that your child does the best he or she can. If you think he’s not doing as well as he can, then encourage him to make more effort. If he is doing his best, be proud of that. He just might not be top set bright.

Mine was always in bottom sets, but worked hard. That’s all I asked. You should see him now.

chickenpieandchips · 18/03/2024 22:52

Not all school call their classes the same. Some actively try not to make it obvious as to which set is which.
My DD figured she was in top set by the other pupils in with her!
Are the teachers happy, is he meeting expectations?

madnessitellyou · 19/03/2024 06:15

Op, I mean this nicely, but calm down. It's very easy to assume that because your dc seemed ahead at primary, the same will be true in secondary. There is, quite simply, a larger pool in which to be that big fish.

Outstanding (assume by Ofsted standards?) school doesn't equal all children getting very high results.

PuttingDownRoots · 19/03/2024 06:22

Top set is meaningless unless you know how the sets ate made up.

In DDs school... it means top 25%.
Other schools it would be top 10%.

There are sometimes parallel sets.
There is usually little difference between the ability of top of one set set and bottom of the set above.

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