Email wording and safeguarding

[DyslexicPoster]

I wonder if anybody could help me with an email writing sent from school. The email uses the words "really very concerned stress levels and heightens anxiety". if you as a teacher had seen a change in a child within two weeks and your worried about their stress levels would this be report worthy to mash? I'm trying to find something can kcsie but I can't find anything about sudden changes and behaviour thank you

OP: they suspect something, not suspect you. They are trying to find evidence to figure out what is happening. Be as transparent as you can be, engage, talk to them, listen & answer & tell them things that might be relevant.

Coming across as defensive will make you seem shifty. You don't want that.

It sounds like the school have concerns and are giving you opportunity for support.
Sometimes safeguarding referrals off the bat do not feel like an appropriate first action.

I would try to figure out what the problem is, if they've seen a change in the past two weeks, had this change happened over Christmas, or is it something that has happened since returning to school? Is your child struggling with now having to get back into a busier, more stressful routine after a fairly relaxed Christmas break?

I think if they're trying to communicate with you, that's good because they're realising somethings up, they're trying to help and haven't automatically jumped to the conclusion that it's "your fault"

Yep, this is the bigger question. Home is normal but her behaviour has changed in school, so what’s going on at school to cause this change of behaviour in school? What parts of her EHCP is the school failing to meet? What are they doing to remedy this failure and meet her unmet needs? What does your DD feel the issue is? What exactly is her bad behaviour? Have the school and DD given you a breakdown of how specific incidents evolve and escalate? What is the catalyst according to your DD? Other children? Being asked to do something challenging? Frustration? Anxiety? Needing control?

I also work in SEN safeguarding and have seen some dreadful unprofessional safeguarding take place in both mainstream primary and secondary schools over the years. These schools have tended to be defensive and disrespectful to parents rather than reflective.

Another reason they may ask repeatedly is to give you time to tak to your child.
For example, you report nothing has changed at home. Then later that day talk to your child and the child reveals that they watched something which upset them, were thinking about the loss of their dog from 3 years ago or a child was being mean to them at school. Whatever it is.
You can then report what you know to school so they know what's going on.
Sometimes kids can talk it through at school, sometimes they discuss better with their patent, sometimes they have no way of processing it so don't reveal to anyone.

It does sound like you need to go into school, speak to Senco and ask about what is being done to cover EHCP. How do you know it's not being covered? What does your child say about school? This information can help explain why things are difficult for your child. If you want support with this then your county should have a SENDIASS team who can help support you.

Why would they jump straight to MASH?

It sounds like you’re concerned about your child and school is also concerned about your child. Could you contact the SENCO, arrange a meeting, and discuss your concerns face to face?

Can you report your self to mash or ask them to do it?

Is it possible the school are asking for clarification because you find it hard to put things into words? With dyslexia the brain tends to fire off thoughts at a million miles per hour, but the hand and eye can't keep up, so what you thought you expressed is at odds with what you have actually expressed?
Forget about MASH and safeguarding for the moment.
How old is your child?
Have you noticed a change in behaviour at home?
Is your child okay with going to school or she school refusing?
How was your daughter over the Christmas holidays?
Is she getting enough sleep, and eating a balanced diet?
What are her behaviours at school, and have you talked to your dd and asked if she can have a go at explaining how she feels when she starts to fizz?
Have there been any changes at home; change to routine; change of jobs; financial changes; change in parental relationship; illness or sibling difficulties? If the answer is 'NO'. Then clearly something else is triggering her outburst.
You say she has SEN, so do you think she might be getting overloaded at school? Have school expectations increased and she's now struggling? If she is also dyslexic is it possible her verbal ability massively outweighs her written ability so she's feeling frustrated and pissed off that she's not on a level playing fields with her classmates?

To answer your question, yes a radical change in behaviour can be suggestive of abuse / neglect in the home. But it wouldn't be the first or even second thought. I'm much more inclined to think the school are gathering information so they can look at getting more support for your dd. Girls with ASD, tend to 'lose their shit' from yr 5/6 onwards, because it becomes much harder to mask, as the demands ramp up. Yr 7 can be another pinch point and yrs 10 and 11.
Remember with SEN your dd is going to be working much, much harder than a NT child. Which means her ability to be more resilient to her environment is going to be tested to her limit.
It sounds as if school are just looking for clarification that nothing has changed at home, they have you DD's best interests at heart.
You have your DD's best interests at heart.
I think you might be better having a face to face talk with the SENCO than things going awry with emails.

Before you meet with the SENCO, jot down incidences at home which have caused behavioural issues eg asking dd to do her homework/ or tidy her room / or washing her hair whatever the flash point is. It maybe there isn't a single flash point, but little things that suddenly go VWOOP, and all hell breaks loose. Or your dd may go the other way and get increasingly withdrawn and mute.
Try and keep your notes short and factual, take the emotion out of them. Read them back a few hours later, to check you haven't missed anything out. Reword and rewrite until you are happy with what you have written.

I do think we should have triggered a early help referal. I have done safeguarding training and thought I had covered a similar situation in the nspc course but maybe I have misinterpreted or misremembered something due to my dyslexia. Maybe I'm missing something that I'm not seeing at home.

We could do with any and all with help to find the cause of my child's distress. But on reflection after much thinking it's the schools call to make and that's that. They are happy and calm at home. If they truly can not be satisfied by me that's there next step and not in my power to prove more that I can, and I'm going to rub them up if I self refer. So hoping it blows over. If it doesn't I might pay for a private clinical psychologist or something as it would be separate from school.

Talking to other SEN parents lots of kids are struggling the first weeks after the holiday. Could be lots of things. I do need to unclench I guess.

@DyslexicPoster I would have a chat with school and tell them you are concerned as you don't know the cause of the change in behaviour. Ask them to make an early help referral - you have nothing to lose and they can only say no ( though in my experience any parent showing willing for such referrals would be welcomed with open arms!)

Ideally I'd like to talk openly to school but as some one said on here,I'm coming across as defensive which I'm sure school pick up on as on MN I find my language directed to a level I'm not trying to convey. With inferred emotions I'm not feeling. To be blunt I don't have feelings about school. The only person I care about is my child. My relationship with school should be business like but it's not.

I could talk more freely with a private psychosis as if I'm paying, and I ask, they won't talk to school, and unwittingly offend staff

Just request social care involvement yourself if you feel you need it. There is absolutely no need to wait for the school to do it. Contact have model letters you can use.

OP, if it helps at all - and I am really taking the time to do this in order to helpful, not to criticise.

I was the poster who said you sound defensive and these statements are why:

"Veiled insinuations it's us. Unless I'm paranoid."

"I have had a decade of gaslighting saying I'm the cause of the diagnosis"

"I feel its a threat but I don't do threats of socail care, don't imply report me."

"We clearly didn't satisfy there question the first time."

"From my point of view they are hammering it's serious, they suspect its us, yet do nothing."

"Like gaslighting. It's you, but I wouldn't want to prove it's you. I won't stand by my assertion it's you and be counted."

"We don't think they was satisfied with our answer the first time so why not if you don't belive it did they not raise it with higher up?"

"Want to be like other parents that don't have these conversations and are off the sencos radar maybe?"

"If they truly can not be satisfied by me that's there next step and not in my power to prove more that I can, and I'm going to rub them up if I self refer."

I think you need to take as your starting point that the school are trying to help your child and that they are trying to do this collaboratively WITH you.

You've offered no information as to what the veiled threats are, so I'm left feeling that yes, you may well be paranoid given you've stated you could be.

You and the school are on the same team, working towards improving your child's wellbeing. You need to start there, not project past experiences with professionals on to this.

And FWIW I had a meeting with my child's school last week about her multiple panic attacks. I worked together with the school to draw up a plan of action and she's already doing much better now school have put changes in place.

That is how it is supposed to work.