Do you decide who your dc are going to be friends with at school?

[mrsruffallo]

I don't do this as I think they should make their own genuine friends

I am quite surprised how many people check out the parents and decide their children will be friends even if they don't have much interest in each other

Anyone experienced this?

No DD chooses her own friends. It has never occurred to me to manipulate her friendships tbh.

DS2 and ds3 choose their own.

Luckily I like all the mum's of the children they're friends with.

No

So what would you do if your dc wanted to invite an 'unsuitable' child home to play?

Has anyone (apart from me!) dealt with this?

Yes, ds has had a few horrors back for tea, tbh I just grin and bear it, it's only a couple of hours. And now he's a teen, he goes OUT to meet them.

Whatever happens at primary school, once they're at secondary they def choose their own.

No I don't. And it's futile to try anyway.

I believe children should be allowed to be their own people without parents pulling strings.

"So what would you do if your dc wanted to invite an 'unsuitable' child home to play?"

just say no

Explain why of course - so and so is not suitable because ...

What would 'unsuitable' be exactly?

I have never been in this position

Unsuitable has included the child I described below and also a child whose behaviour is overtly sexualised, whose parents are divorced and both (according to DD) sleeping around, and who holds parties with an emphasis on the trashy (think stretch limo and champagne for 9 yo girls). That's unsuitable. Racist would also be unsuitable.

I am slightly sniffy about children with uneducated parents but that's my secret vice and I am not going to confess it anywhere other than MN. I just think that anyone living in England could've got an education so the fact that they didn't says they are not interested in learning. But maybe that's irrational.

Quattro, I feel you are judging the child by the parents far too much. I suppose you'r well aware of that though

What's your definition of uneducated then Quat?

Now is the time for me to shut up, isn't it?

DS can be friends with whomever he chooses at school.

Inviting friends back - I do edit / steer his requests, mainly because there are a couple of children I could not cope with - the ones who completely blank you and appear to have no respect for adult authority at all.

My justification is that we live on a road which is not busy but cars that do pass do so very fast. DS plays in the garden because I know he will abide by the "nowhere near the drive/gate" rule - I would have no confidence at all in these 2 or 3 children doing that.

Secretly, it is mostly because I just don't like them

No, am intrigued and won't take offence (am fairly hard to offend) but I am curious about your definition of uneducated.

Oh damn, see, now I've made Quat run away

It had never occurred to me to choose my DSs friends. I don't really like the 'unsuitable' label as it really means they are being judged by their parents. On the whole my DSs have liked children that they feel comfortable with, and it has never been a problem. It doesn't work if you interfere, they have to learn to make their own judgements about people.