are private schools better?

[ivet83]

my dd is 2 years old and it is probably too early to worry but people say to me i should start thinking about schools from now.i am starting to panic as i hear how many people can't get their children into the schools they want. I can't afford a private school but does that mean that my child would go to the worst school miles away from home? what's wrong with this country?

I have no idea how people can afford private schools. Our local school charges £5k per term, I know of families who have 3 children enrolled there. How do people afford to spend £45k a year on fees?!

Our local private school is selective and very academic. I would rather move to a grammar school county and get it for free!

Oh god - the parental guilt trip about education is starting at two years old?

Don't start on yourself now, give yourself a break.

If you can't afford a private school then that's that.

Anyone worth their salt should be able to get a decent education out of the state system.

My children go to prep school and we will continue to educate privately...however I advise all my mates to think very carefully before jumping in as it gets very expensive.
You need to think about the uniform, trips ( footie tours to NZ are not unheard of)etc.
Life, IMHO, is about more than school and you shouldn't push finances to stressful limits.
Also, friends tend to come from a much wider commumity so you'll put in the milage.
That said, I adore my children's school - a world and lifetime away from the comp I attended.

private schools are called Prep schools because they do just that - they prep the boys (in your case) for common entrance into the whole public school thing. Where fees can be up to £25k a year.

And the lifestyle of most of the pupils is very exclusive. I know of one 'normal' boy who came home asking for a spray tan during the hols so he could go back to school looking like he'd been away ski-ing, just like all his peers.

A prep school may not be very keen on 'preparing' a child for the state system at 11+ or 13+ i'm afraid.

How can they afford it? When we're teenagers we pick careers where we can earn that sort of money. I pay/paid 5 sets (myself, not their father) from my earnings and it was worth every penny. BUT if you can afford it great - if it will ruin you life to afford it and you aren't able to get a better paid job then don't. 94% of people go to state schools and most do fine.

"When I read Xenia's posts, I get the impression that there are some really excellent academic private day schools in London, and the gulf between them and the state schools probably means it makes sense to pay." Yes and I think it's an urban/rural difference. In the big cities we have some of the best private schools in the land even in Newcastle as a child there was a huge gulf between the private and state schools and my brother has found the same in another Northern city and my sister in her bit of the SE and they went private too as we were educated as children as well. In some parts of the country you wonder why parents live there as all schools are pretty bad. You almost feel they have a moral duty to their children to up sticks from the back of beyond, leave the lovely views and go somewhere where their child will get a proper education.

I don't believe the original post. It sounds like a press the MN buttons to me.

I'm with you nfk.

Funny old thing- "When we're teenagers we pick careers where we can earn that sort of money"- seriously, I don't think -beyond the reality that I was probably always going to be able to do a job that paid enough to support myself reasonably well- that it OCCURRED to me to do a cost/benefit analysis on my future career! I did what mattered to ME, not what might pay for possibly non existent future offsprings' education. But perhaps, more sadly- that I'd expect my children to do the same and line them up accordingly.

I do worry about this 'best'/'worst' judgement bandied around. Best for whom? As judged by whom? It amuses me how many supposedly educated parents see those words and instantly think "Best means good SATS/Entrance to Russell Group universities". I want to cry No No NOOO! How on earth do you accommodate that child who, despite the 'best' (read 'academic') schooling in the land, STILL wants to be a transvestite pole dancer? Or a plumber? Bring it on, I say!

We SO need to take a deep breath and a step back. NO, the most important thing in the world ISN'T our childrens' education. Yes it matters, but Good Enough IS OK. We aren't 'failing our children' by having sleepless nights, when they're TWO, worrying about whether St Local's will get 17 A*s for our DCs. Maybe. But will it give them OUR time? Love? Effort? Care? The thing that will make them happiest? And accepting that which you cannot (realistically) change is not an aspect of child neglect, incidentally. It's an aspect of 94% of us' real lives.

Well clever people do surely? We sat in the car driven to school by father as teenagers talking about what work would be fun, what would suit our personalities and if we would like it (most important requirements) but money was always also an issue too and my 3 children at university stage, they and their friends have money as one possible relevant factor on their lists which is more important to some than others.

I want my children to have lots of opportunities but I genuinely have no fixed plans or expectations for them. If they choose to travel for 10 years, work in a bar, clean or whatever then that's fine. I don't feel I paid school fees and therefore they have to go down a set route I've planned for them.

But I do think if you can give them a good education and be loved and all the other stuff that's best for them.