Pros and cons/ if leaving Day school for Eton

[pasok1000]

We thought journey time (ds in westminster under) is a big factor and we thought whether to go to Eton, as it would be boarding and less time travelling etc. Ds would like to board. I feel now would would actually Eton add, in addition to saving in travelling time. More clubs/societies, international recognition? Thank you

Regardless of the negative press Eton sometimes receives at the moment, nothing can take away from the fact that it is the most extraordinary school given its amazing resources. When you fly into Heathrow you can even see the rowing lake. Universities in general in the UK are positively discriminating against a lot of private schools. The Americans though are lapping up a lot of these students instead. In my mind it comes down to a difference between grounds and resources that a central London school has available to it versus boarding and space.
I would also ignore the fact that several of the alumni such as Cameron and Johnson are total bungle c*nts. Plenty of others have done great things

I would also ignore all this rubbish about your child being stigmatised for life.

Fortunately in life one very quickly reaches a point where the school you went to doesn’t matter a jot, and most people leave it off their CV, putting down their University only. There are lots of things in life you learn not to mention because people have petty prejudices about them.

@curious79 Concerns about Eton are not a petty prejudice.

@innocenta concerns about Etons are a petty prejudice when it comes to writing off a whole generation of kids, labelling them as snobs etc, because they went to a particular school. The years are huge. I know parents who bust a gut to send their boys there.

I'm as working class as they come but I've actually got a fair bit of experience with Eton due to being involved in a sport which they also compete in. I have to say that whenever I've been there I've found everyone to be genuinely lovely and quite humble. Although perhaps I'm kidding myself and they are secretly sniggering?

My son is currently at a prep outside London and I would love him to attend Westminster senior school. I would not allow him to attend Eton in a zillion years. A certain type of family chooses Eton and I don’t want my son growing up with their attitudes.

You’re so lucky that you can be confident your son will be safe in London!

Personally we preferred somewhere where a black teenage boy was more likely to survive, alive, into young adulthood. If that makes us - with our substantial bursary - a certain type of family - so be it. I despise the current leadership of the school over the bridge from Windsor - but to imply that every single boy who is educated there now is exactly the same is patent nonsense.

I come across Eton boys fairly regularly and I don't think they're anything like the stereotype - the ones I've met are polite, well-mannered and not arrogant in any way. In fact, were it not for their sports kit, you wouldn't have known they were from Eton.

Adding my voice to the real life side of the argument . I know lots of Etonians - past, present and future - and can't think of a single one who fits the lazy stereotype. Know some utter knobs from other schools though, state and private 😉

I also say Damian Lewis cancels out Boris Johnson

My ds is at Eton: it’s a good school. A fifth of the boys are on bursaries. When they’re not wearing school dress they seem to exist in v slobby t-shirts and joggers. My other ds is at a state grammar. Both are getting an excellent education which suits them, and both chose their schools.

so the missing thing from me in the OP is where does the child want to go? Has he been to Eton and is he insistent he wants to go there?

I agree with others that most comments about Eton are just massively uninformed. The uniform comes in for a lot of criticism but it is a massive leveller. I have a photo of ds in the tailor’s shop the first time he tried it on age 13 and suddenly he looked like all the others - you can’t tell who’s on a bursary and who isn’t. And in terms of the tiresome stereotype of the boys being entitled etc, out of my 3 kids it was my Etonian ds who got stuck into volunteering and raising money for charity during lockdown, rather than the others.

I'm as common as they come and have worked with people from Eton and Harrow in the past. I'm still friends with quite a few. Cant say I've ever met what people call the stereotypical Etonian. They've never made me feel like less and will laugh with me at some of the outlandish parts of growing up the way they did. They're very aware of how privileged they were to go there and most were from very wealthy families and aware of that privilege too. They do have a lot of connections just because old classmates also go into senior positions but that's not a bad thing for your DS. It wasn't a bad thing for me either. When I wanted to change careers I had 3 colleagues offer to put me in touch with various contacts from school and uni for advice or job leads.

”I can see you fitting in very well with Etonians, past and present, it shows in your attitude.”

There aren’t any problems with my attitude, sashh. Rather, it’s your attitude that I’m concerned. One who’s never been anywhere near Eton nor know any Etonian personally and yet is able to tell the world “the type of men who went to Eton”.

”Your CV conjures up a stereotype and thirty years ago it got you somewhere but now I’m inclined to think it might hold you back (in some spheres of work).”

And you said socially you have many friends who went to Eton? However, your statement above tells me the exact opposite. Thirty years ago it probably would be a hindrance if your CV showed that you attended Eton. For example, before Cameron broke the trend in 2010 and became PM, the last Old Etonian PM was Sir Alec Douglas-Home (1963-64) – almost half-a-century’s absence! In fact, Douglas-Home’s immediate two predecessors, Macmillan and Eden, were also OE’s.

In 1990 Douglas Hurd, OE, probably would have succeeded Thatcher if he had not been an Etonian (instead of John Major). Clearly a hindrance for Hurd there because of the school he went to.

But in the last 30 or so years Eton has changed substantially. Long gone are the days when you can register your son at birth if you’re an aristocrat. Every place at the school has to be fought over. Increasing number of overseas boys are applying every year. It has become extremely meritocratic. Even boys from council estates (and there are plenty of them there today) have a good chance to secure a place – for free!

Eton even had a first female Housemaster – first time in its centuries old history – to head its most illustrious house, College in 2006. The Lower Master or Asst. Head Master today is also female. That’s modernisation for you.

Instead of having to “confess” to being an Etonian today, any OE would be proud to say he attended this great School. On the other hand, he sees no reasons to shout from the top of the roof that he attended Eton. DS left Eton some years ago. I honestly have never ever heard him say one word that he attended Eton, never mind being also a KS, to anybody unless asked.

Likewise, many of DS’s peers are holding top positions both at home and abroad in the various distinguished professions, e.g. law, medicine, etc. I was actually communicating with one of them at a top Hong Kong law firm recently who in turn referred me to one of their peers at another top law firm here in Chancery Lane, London.

No, there’s absolutely no stigma attached if you had attended Eton. And no top jobs at any of the professions including politics are offered to you on a silver plate just because you’re an OE. Every position has to be fought for and this is where OE’s are at their best.

"My son is currently at a prep outside London and I would love him to attend Westminster senior school. I would not allow him to attend Eton in a zillion years. A certain type of family chooses Eton and I don’t want my son growing up with their attitudes."

The ignorance of some are so stunningly ground-shaking and unbelievable that they rattle you to the core! Believe me, I had no intention to respond to this post as I feel it's not my duty to educate the deliberate ignorant and fantasist; but it's early Saturday afternoon and I'm relaxed and thought I might as well put some matters straight. But I'm truly concerned parental ignorance and fantasies may inadvertently pass down to their offsprings...

Seven 'Con' points were listed against Eton and I'm going to debunk each and every point as utter crap - to put it mildly.

Cons

• loss of his current prep school friends
So do you keep all your prep school friends if you'd gone to Westminster/Winchester/Harrow/Charterhouse/Wellington, etc?

• silly outdated uniform which deliberately aims to promote an ethos of being better than ‘the common man’
Wished you had done some basic research before you come here to make a complete fool of yourself and display your stupidity. The Eton "school dress" as worn today was first worn by Eton boys as a tribute and a mark of respect at the grand funeral of George III in 1820. The King was a staunch supporter and patron of Eton and even till today, Eton still celebrates his birthday, the 'Fourth of June in one of the School's grandest days in the year. As a matter of fact, today is the 284th anniversary of George III's birthday and Eton will celebrate sometime later this month.

• normalisation and promotion of elitism
The word is excellence which Eton will gladly admit and strives to achieve this quality in everything it does - unapologetically!

• promotes an obsession with pursuing political careers instead of eg encouraging the next Bill Gates
Another utter rubbish which shows total ignorance. Every year more than 260 boys leave Eton to go elsewhere to further their careers. Less than a handful, say 10% (?) may turn to politics - not all of them 'bad'. The bulk of the 90% go on to do other things. Some you've never heard of; some you elect to ignore e.g. Nobel Prize winner for Medicine; Academy Award (Oscar) winner; Olympics multiple Gold winner; Economist who influenced the policies of most of the world's governments; 37 Victoria Cross winners who gave lives and limbs so that your foreparents could live safely and comfortably in order to have you here denigrating the School they went to, etc.

• stigma / reputation for producing elitist uncaring selfish types
Tell that to my son who's spent the last 5 years (and probably for the rest of his life) in the front line of a major 700-bed NHS hospital saving lives and battling Covid often at great risks to his own health and safety. Without meaning to blow my own horn, with his academic achievements detailed below, he could literally have gone to a much profitable, safer and comfortable career elsewhere.

• less academic than Westminster (if your son is bright)
Don't know about that but Eton had guided him to achieve a full-house 12 A-stars IGCSE/GCSE academic subjects including all the sciences and maths plus both modern and ancient languages (Latin and Ancient Greek) as well as the standard humanities. This was further augmented later with 4 A-stars at 'A'- levels - a portfolio that propelled him to a world-class medical school from where he graduated with a 1st Class BSc (Hons) degree and later a medicine degree with 'Distinction' - quite unheard of in a medicine degree!

So Westminster or Winchester or anyone else can be as academic as they like.

• not in the heart of London with access to all that offers, which for a teenager ia a big thing.
London is not a million miles from Eton/Windsor. It's just an hour or so away. There are trains at Windsor taking you directly to the heart of London and back many times a day. Likewise, there are coaches beginning from Windsor taking you to Victoria in Central London via Heathrow daily. At weekends, groups of boys either on their own or with their personal tutor(s) often travel to London for shows, restaurants or whatever they are up to. In any case, Eton is full-time boarding unlike Westminster where you have loads of time to idle about after school - time better spent in the playing fields or the river or their own private rowing lake or in the many music and recording rooms etc. And I'm not going to talk about the other facilities...

At the end of the day you've got one thing absolutely right - that you and yours will not go to Eton in a zillion years. So don't delude yourself.

Maybe an apology is due to Eton for your highly inflammatory slur on Eton?

Yup, this exactly.
Excellent contacts
A braying old boys club member is not a person I would want to create

He could have a go at getting in and then decide (if he gets a place). Boarding at Westminster (if he really wants to board - I am not keen on boarding) would be just as good. Westminster has girls in the sixth form and is in London.

@nightvision one word suffices: cringe.

I agree that it may turn out to be a bit of a mill stone for your son’s neck. Brilliant education but professionally unless they want to stay in the narrow fields where it definitely is an advantage, then being an OE can count against them.

my DH is an OE and has decided not to burden his own sons with it. A bit sad for him as of course there is a lot that is fantastic. But he has found it a burden in many ways so chose not to send his own boys there.

I’d also add that not one of his OE friends has sent their sons there. So the continuation of tradition of families sending sons to Eton is definitely being broken. Not entirely of course but I think it’s interesting that his generation aren’t very keen for their sons to repeat it.

I'd be wary hearing OEs from the previous generations saying they're not sending their sons/grandsons etc to Eton in the present day. There could be genuine reason(s) but I'd put more weight on the following reasons:

a) Eton has become too meritocratic and competitive for their son(s)
b) They failed to get a place having gone through the process
c) They cannot afford the fees any longer.

No, not a b or c in our case.

a choice freely made!

@nightvision pay no heed. Innocents just despises men. That’s patently clear from threads I’ve read just over the past two days. Hadn’t heard of them before.

Sorry I meant @Innocenta

@Houseoffools I don't despise men; I despise the patriarchy.

While our boy was at prep school we encountered several ex-Etonians (at that prep and others) whose sons were not offered a place after the pre-test.

Some of these fathers (and their wives / partners) were very angry about it. Some went so far as to accuse other families - perhaps less wealthy or well-connected, with no family history of attendance - of taking places away from their sons.

(It’s all quite odd because the Etonians I know or have known of my own generation certainly had to jump hurdles to get in. I know men who worked ferociously hard for scholarships, without which they wouldn’t have been able to go. And others whose brothers went, but who didn’t get in themselves. They’re all in late middle age now - none of us remember a time when entry was automatic simply through social position.)