Changing schools but DD doesn't want to

[JustAnotherBrickInTheWall]

We are moving DD to another school (from state to private) as she has been struggling with anxiety and is only in school half the week. New school has smaller class sizes, has already identified that DD has a few learning challenges which current school hasn't picked up on, and also offers a broader curriculum better suited to DDs strengths.
DD doesn't want to go and is kicking off big time. She has a strong group of friends and hates change. And of course there is no guarantee that she would go in happily to the new school every day, but its set up means it's less likely to be stress inducing. Feel like I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. Move her and I'm pulling her away from her friends and everything she has known making her anxiety worse, leave her and I don't see her anxiety improving or coping with the state secondary. She would be going into year 6. Any advice?

Can you reach out to the new school and ask if you can be put in touch with parents of some of the other children (maybe class reps) you could then arrange a meet up somewhere - maybe a local park with a coffee shop?

That way you meet some mums and your daughter will hopefully make new friends who you can make plans to meet a few times over the summer.

If the school is strong pastorally then they will be happy to set this up for you.

I could have written this post! Going through same dilemma at the moment with my 7 to DD in year 2 - even wrote a post last night to ask advice but for reverse move from private to state. Too much pressure and not enough pastoral support. I'm not sure I know what the answer is - each option feels like a risk. But ultimately, if we think her current school isn't offering her what she needs, we will probably move her. They are only young so it is hard for then to make an informed choice. My issue is how long you give her current school to turn things around before making the leap?!

If you think she will go on to the senior school at the new place, then it is probably a worthwhile move, as opposed to disruption of just moving her for the year. I know a few people who have done this and their kids have been fine/thrived.

Don't take this the wrong way, but is this a problem you've allowed to happen by giving in once and letting her take a day off because she didn't want to go in one day, now she knows if she doesn't want to go in to make a big fuss because you'll eventually give in and let her stay home?

I'm not saying that's how it is, but it's worth thinking honestly about.

A year 5 child should get precisely zero say on whether they go to school or not. By allowing it you are building a bigger problem for both of you down the road.

Some helpful suggestions, meeting up with the new girls in the holidays is a great idea. As is seeing a private EP.
Sorry to hear you have similar dilemmas with your yr2 DD. It's so hard to know what's best.

I get where you are coming from but having panic attacks in school, refusing to get out of the car because they say they are too scared and are a big screaming, crying mess, saying they will get a knife and kill themselves... I can assure you that just telling her to get into school has not proved effective.