Another one of these private school or not threads. What would you do?

[hentheeighth]

I know these threads have been done to death (can even see a similar one running today) but DH and I change our minds every other day about this and I think I need some MN wisdom/reality check.

DD is currently coming up to 18 months old so maybe getting ahead of ourselves but of course school registrations happen years in advance in some cases!

We live on the outskirts of SW London, with one child and not planning more. Combined income of maybe £110k. Live in a nice but small 2 bed house in the less fashionable part of a nice area. We currently pay around £1200/month in nursery fees and can get by comfortably with a bit spare at the end of each month - currently overpaying the mortgage slightly. Good amount of savings.

So the thinking is we could reasonably afford to send DD to one of our local preps, most have fees similar to our current nursery. There are some lovely local options and I really want DD to have every opportunity. I went to very good state schools and did well academically but lacked the 'nice to haves' - sports, music, individual attention. I imagine I'd have struggled if less academic. DH's school was completely rubbish. So we really want the best for DD.

BUT it would potentially mean remaining in our small rather unluxurious house for the foreseeable when we might otherwise be able to move somewhere much nicer when DD finishes nursery. We would have less disposable income for holidays, activities, material stuff - fine with me but also stuff I'd like for DD to experience. Not entirely likely she would be able to keep up with her peers' ski holidays/ponies/whatever. We're also reliant on salaries largely so would struggle of either of us lost our jobs. No GPs able to help.

Local state primary is ranked 'outstanding' but it's an infant school only up to year 3 - and local juniors not so good. And of course we're planning too far ahead to go for a tour!

Of course our incomes might (hopefully will) increase over coming years to allow us to either upgrade lifestyle or move to private at later stage, depending which we choose.

So with apologies for the essay - WWYD?

@GettinPiggyWithIt

Just be aware that:

You child will be on holiday ALL THE TIME = more childcare fees
School uniform - I spent £1k per child starting 🙄

That’s the only thing. We would sell up before taking our kids out of it came to it so are very happy with our decision.

Ha ha yes this! Mine have 4.5 weeks for Easter this year !! Insane. Another point to note though is that you can take advantage of that and go on hols when the majority of schools are not off. We definitely save money on hols that way.

State infant school with friends around the other, then see how you go. Don’t see it as school or house at this stage. See how her interests and friendships develop. You can go private at any stage after that and potentially have a £30K buffer in savings.

around the corner (ie private catchments tend to be larger so not so good for play dates).

4.5 weeks!! 😱

@Genevieva

around the corner (ie private catchments tend to be larger so not so good for play dates).

Very good point! I also don't drive at the moment (working to rectify that!) so local definitely a big help

We are more rural and went for a state primary with wrap around care and then moved them for the final primary year, too much focus on Sats and nothing else in the school.
Both are at a private secondary, it's given them a much broader group of friends from both schools. Holidays are a nightmare, mine are off for 3 weeks at Easter !

I would opt for state primary if it's an excellent school, and private secondary. You need to bear in mind that a state junior will not give any tuition for entry into a private secondary, which the private prep school will do. You would probably need to choose a tutor who knows the system.

In your circs I would do state infants and then move. I think a lot of the benefits of preps come in from year 3 onwards eg musical tuition, more specialised sports etc. Also be aware that lots of holiday clubs only take from 5. If you have a summer born, holidays can be a pain in reception in a state school let alone private with the longer breaks. If you have an autumn born not an issue though.

OP, I went to private school, quite a number of new students suspiciously joined in the year before GCSE 🤣🤣🤣 Same in my brother's year too, talk about saving money! But seriously, in my class at least, they seemed to fit in and do well.

My brother and I have mixed views on our school days. Neither one of us fitted in and we certainly felt different to our very financially comfortable peers. Maybe that was more a case of school not being right for the child.

There was always a big financial pressure on both our parents, and I feel guilty that my school days were some of the worst of my life and, although we both got good GCSEs I wondered if it was worth it, especially as my father is no longer around

They were doing what they thought best but I always felt we were squeezing rather than enjoying.

State till 8 all the way. There’s nothing a child younger than 8 needs from school that they can’t get from a primary. From year 5, prep schools start having sports matches and children can cope with after school offerings which gives preps advantages over primaries . Until then they are too little to take advantage of the extras. Teaching is the same regardless imo with any good/outstanding primary as most prep schools . Academically makes no difference a prep or a good primary.

We did state at an outstanding primary and then private.

I looked at all schools and preferred private for the smaller feel. Some state secondaries are now enormous with schools within schools.

My ethos on schooling is I wanted dc to enjoy primary years, whilst of course learning the basics and building self esteem. It means you need to look at lots of schools as you finally figure what works for you. There is no shortcut to lots of research. You would be better asking about specific schools - private or state to get views as schools ca have unique cultures. The private school I chose is nurturing yet encourages academics. It is fantastic and I literally can't fault it.

Would state primary allow you to move?

State until eight saves money. As someone who was one of the less affluent girls at a private school, you need to just remind your children they have all they need, and not long after holidays, ponies, and crazy lifestyles.

Uniforms are expensive, but most schools have a used uniform shop, or can find things on the school’s Meta group.

We had similar, with school fees about the same as pre-school childcare fees. But family costs do go up as kids get older. And then there are fee increases, extracurriculars like music lessons and continuing holiday childcare. We had a fair bit of financial slack in the pre-school days, but we feel the school fees now (DD is in Year 4). Having said that, DD's school is really amazing, and it absolutely feels like the best way we could spend that money.

• do go and see schools (it's not too early for a first visit) and get on the waiting list for your favourite non-selective. (Eg You say you're borders of SW London - have a look at Rowan Prep in Claygate if it's close. It's excellent and non-selective and ideally you should be on their waiting list by about age 3. I remember there was one in Putney where you really needed to be registered by about age 2). But you only need to register for one non-selective

• registering early isn't necessary for selective schools, just make sure you know the registration dates, which are usually about a year before school entry

• state schools won't want you to visit yet, but you may well want to join an open day to weigh up your options. They are often in summer, so check school websites.

• it certainly used to be that for the selectives, entry at 8 was much more competitive than Reception (and needed some preparation). That may have changed as a PP said, but do check for the schools you're interested in. I remember Wimbledon High School was going to get rid of their Year 3 entry point a few years ago (and they only ever took a handful of girls then). They do all offer a few adhoc spaces, but entry may be harder.

• compare wrap-around between the different schools if you need that for work (including between different privates). Many state schools have limited and inflexible wrap-around (even if they have afterschool club, it can be hard to get a space). Some private schools assume there's a SAH parent (one I visited finished at lunchtimes on Fridays!). DD's school has many families with both parents working, so has amazing wrap-around, and is very flexible.

-If your jobs now include WFH, that does actually make school holiday care much easier, since you can put them in holiday clubs for shorter days (the extended hours always doubled the cost!) and from about 7 they can easily entertain themselves for a few hours (unimaginable when you are still in the toddler stage, I know )

You can find out how competitive admission is at each point. Ask how many places they generally have at each point. Ask how many children apply and how many get in etc. Then you can make a more informed decision.

Good independent schools are absolutely worth the money. It's a totally different experience, in terms of sports, music, drama and trips in particular.

But lots of other things are also worth the money! Living in a nicer house, making memories on holiday, or even just living a modest life without ever worrying about paying unexpected bills etc.

You're in a great position- all your options here are fantastic! It's worth remembering that school fees go up for every year group (ie yr6 costs a lot more than yrR, and secondary is more again), and that they also go up with inflation. And everything is more expensive- uniform, games kit, school dinners, school trips. Allow an extra £100-£150 per month per child.

Private schools for more than one child, puts massive pressure on finances, if you can't comfortably afford it. I've known marriages to break up over it.

Unless it's easy, I wouldn't bother. I know some parents who would tell you it was worth every penny, and others say it's a con, and their kids haven't performed any better or been any happier, than their friends kids who went down state education route.

If money is no object, then go for it, but otherwise think very carefully.

My experience of private school is probably pretty similar to those that went to state school - the end result is that some kids go on to become doctors/solicitors/accountants/business-folk etc, some become hardened drug dealers and criminals and everyone else falls somewhere inbetween.

One thing I will say is that this year, next year and perhaps beyond will see an enormous squeeze in private schooling. Some schools (e.g. Eton etc) will have no affordability problems but plenty of inner-city independents have a lot of parents working like the clappers to keep their kids in. It won't take a lot to break them and when they leave, the school starts to become unviable.

If you do choose to go for it, choose carefully!

Seriously, go state if you have half decent schools near you. We sent ours private in junior school and state in secondary and with the benefit of hindsight we should have gone state all the way through. And, in the nicest possible way, it really is not great to be on a knife edge of worrying about what you'd do if you lost your job and not being able to afford extras (be aware that lots of people get tutors in both state and private).

Also if you're thinking about the long term happiness of your DD, family time doing fun activities/holidays, her parents not being stressed about money and maybe even a sibling if you wanted it, would have a greater effect on her LT wellbeing than a private school imo. Also puts quite a lot of pressure on her to achieve if you've made significant sacrifice for her to be there

@sherbsy

My experience of private school is probably pretty similar to those that went to state school - the end result is that some kids go on to become doctors/solicitors/accountants/business-folk etc, some become hardened drug dealers and criminals and everyone else falls somewhere inbetween.

One thing I will say is that this year, next year and perhaps beyond will see an enormous squeeze in private schooling. Some schools (e.g. Eton etc) will have no affordability problems but plenty of inner-city independents have a lot of parents working like the clappers to keep their kids in. It won't take a lot to break them and when they leave, the school starts to become unviable.

If you do choose to go for it, choose carefully!

THIS

Three have closed near us in the past year

Ours is fine as it’s 3-18 and has taken in those kids

Our household income is higher than yours. However this is how we have prioritised -

1. We decided first and foremost we wanted 2 children. I am an only child and we were absolutely decided we wanted 2, if all worked ok which it did.

1. We then decided that we wish to prioritise really good holidays, excellent enrichment experiences and days out, trips abroad to visit my family and - this is important - a solid house and garden for the very tiny years and then an eventual purchase of significant value to grow old in and pass on to the kids.

With these two factors in mind we have then done the following -

1. Selected the most outstanding local state infant school - the smallest one.

1. Invested a significant chunk of our money into dedicated activities outside of the school. These aren’t solely swimming for instance but include - LAMDA, Instrument lessons, ice-skating, French, my mother tongue as another language, Coding and programming, Chess, theatre, and science. This absolutely costs money. And effort. But it isn’t near anywhere the cost of private. And guess what - we have the ££ then to replicate this for both of them.

1. And finally - perhaps taking advantage of me being an academic - I spend time - daily - on topping up the learning from the state school. So - those extra minutes of daily reading, the extra provision of encyclopaedias and science mags, the lateral working at depth for maths, the writing stamina, creativity, complexity in writing - all of that extra that preps “prep” - the parent puts in outside of working FT.

Now absolutely this means a commitment of time energy and money - weekends are busy; after school is busy. Yes. But this was a decision though. We actively decided to seriously supplement in an organised and careful way - an outstanding state school. Because that’s what we can provide BOTH kids in a way that matches what we want to provide them.

If we had just the one or weren’t inclined to do all this then private would be the way to go.

I was insanely jealous of my friends that could afford to send their children to private school. I’d see their kids doing their fantastic clubs and productions and becoming super confident and capable
However now I’m out the other side and our children are all off to Uni I’m not disappointed in State school at all. All of our children state and private are going to the same unis including Oxbridge.
What’s also evident is that private education hasn’t protected them from mental health problems. They are no happier despite having all the advantages.

I would say if they are likely to be sporty or musical, private is worth it but a decent state school is completely fine.